


When I'm With You - How To Fall In Love

by sentencefragments



Series: When I'm With You [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow AU, Best Friends in the making, Childhood, F/M, Felicity is a Merlyn, partying young adults, rebellious teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:17:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sentencefragments/pseuds/sentencefragments
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ARROW AU - Felicity is a Merlyn. When she was only five years-old, her father dropped her off to live with the Queens. She had expected it to be a few days, but those days turned into weeks, into months and into years. This is the story of her friendship with Oliver, her struggle to find a purpose in life, and her life with an absent father. (Part 1 of the 'When I'm WIth You'-Series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Somewhere Only We Know

 

 

 

****

  
_I walked across an empty land_  
 _I knew the pathway like the back of my hand_  
 _I felt the earth beneath my feet_  
 _Sat by the river and it made me complete_

  
_Oh simple thing where have you gone_  
 _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_  
 _So tell me when you're gonna let me in_  
 _I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

  
_I came across a fallen tree_  
 _I felt the branches of it looking at me_  
 _Is this the place we used to love?_  
 _Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?_

  
_Oh simple thing where have you gone_  
 _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_  
 _So tell me when you're gonna let me in_  
 _I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

  
_And if you have a minute why don't we go_  
 _Talk about it somewhere only we know?_  
 _This could be the end of everything_  
 _So why don't we go_  
 __Somewhere only we know?_ _

__

* * *

__  
__

Drawing back the curtains, bathing the room in sunlight, Moira Queen tried to get her son out of bed. The boy groaned and rubbed his eyes against the sudden light. It was a beautiful day and the end of the summer was approaching. Some birds were chirping in a tree not far from the window. The grass of the garden behind the mansion looking greener than ever.

"Oliver, sweetheart, you have to get out of bed. Felicity will be here soon."

"Who is Felicity?" The eight-year-old sat up in his bed.

Moira chuckled softly and walked over to her sons bed and sat down on the edge.

"Do you remember uncle Malcolm?"

"Yes. Is she his daughter?"

"Yes. And she's really sweet. But you can't play with her if you're still in your pajama's."

Oliver nodded and scrambled off the bed and to his dresser. Moira stood up and walked over to her son, placing her hands on his shoulders and leaning in.

"Why don't you take that new shirt I bought you yesterday."

He nodded again and reached for a pair of khaki trousers to go with the denim shirt they had picked up the day before.

"If you're ready you can come downstairs and have breakfast with your dad and me."

"Can I have pancakes?"

Moira smiled. "Of course, sweetheart."

She walked out of the room, her son very capable of dressing himself and headed downstairs to look for Robert. She found him reading the morning newspaper and sipping coffee.

"Well, at least your son's excited about it." She sighed as she moved to the seat next to her husband. Robert didn't answer, but she could see how his face fell into a sad expression, his jaw clenching just a little bit. Taking a sip of her orange juice, she leaned back into the chair and tried to calm herself a little.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" She asked after a moment of silence.

Robert swallowed his coffee and put the paper and the mug down before looking at his wife.

"Malcolm is my oldest friend. If he needs this, than I'm going to help him in any way that I can. You weren't going to let the poor girl live all on her own in that house, were you."

Moira smiled a little. "No, of course not. I guess you're right."

He reached out and took her hand in his, squeezing it softly.

"Don't worry, the kid is like an angel." He reassured her.

Moira nodded. "I know."

She took another sip of her orange juice as Oliver came stomping into the room with a big smile on his face.

"Morning dad" He greeted as he pulled himself on the chair across from Moira.

"Good morning, buddy. Did you have any more bad dreams last night?"

Oliver shook his head. "No, only nice dreams."

Much to Moira's concern, her son had been 'terrorized' by nightmares more and more over the last few weeks. He had told her that he couldn't remember what they were about, but that they gave him the feeling like something bad was going to happen, and he didn't like it. His grades in school had dropped due to the lack of sleep. His teacher had suggested seeing a psychologist, but Moira hadn't taken her advice yet, because he seemed to be getting a little better, Robert sitting beside his bed every night until he fell asleep.

"That's great. Are you excited about today?"

The boy nodded as he scooped a couple of pancakes on his plate and dug into them. Moira met Robert's gaze and smiled a little. They fell into easy conversation and continued eating their breakfast. Oliver was excited about meeting his new friend, and was the first one to be hopping out of his chair and running into the foyer when Raisa came in and announced that Mr. Merlyn had arrived and was coming up to the front door. Moira and Robert followed after their son, ready to meet their guests and start the new stage of their life.

Malcolm Merlyn had always been a good friend to Robert and Moira. He had his charm, and expert business skills, but he could get carried away and act rash and make snap decisions that weren't always in the best interest of those he loved. As they were waiting in the foyer, Malcolm was driving up to the front door to drop off his daughter. His wife Rebecca passed away three months before, and after weeks of depression he decided to go, travel around the world, anywhere as long as it wasn't Starling City. What he hadn't thought of was his five year-old daughter, Felicity, and what that would possibly do to her. As soon as Robert became known to this plan, he offered to let her stay with them in the Queen Manor, his heart not able to let the girl live alone in a house full of servants.

The door swung open and a smiling Malcolm walked into the foyer.

"Robert, Moira. How are you today?"

Robert stepped forward and shook the other man's hand.

"We're fine. Maybe a little curious about how this is going to play out, but otherwise everything is great."

"Wonderful to hear. And you, Oliver, don't you ever stop growing?" Malcolm said smiling as he reached out and mussed the boy's hair. Oliver chuckled and after his voice faded the room was filled with silence for a moment.

Malcolm sighed. "Now, Oliver, buddy, I would like you to meet my daughter, Felicity."

The little girl had been hiding behind her father, hanging on to his hand as if it were a lifeline. She had been carefully examining all the new people, vaguely remembering the two grown-ups, but the boy was someone new. Her eyes wide behind her glasses, dark brown curls tumbling around her face and cascading over her shoulders, one of her hands nervously playing with her necklace. Oliver stepped forward and curiously cocked his head to the side.

"Hi. I'm Oliver." He said cheerfully.

Felicity looked up at her father as if to get permission to take Oliver's extended hand. Malcolm nodded slowly and then jerked his head in Oliver's direction.

"Go on then, don't be shy, sweetheart." He said.

Felicity took a deep breath and slowly let go of his hand, stepping towards Oliver. Her small hand fit perfectly in his slightly larger one. She smiled a little as they shook hands, and then shyly diverted her eyes to her royal blue ballet flats.

"I'm Felicity." She said hesitantly.

"Oliver, sweetheart, why don't you take Felicity to your secret hide-out?" Moira chimed.

Oliver looked at his mother for a second before turning back to Felicity.

"Do you want to see it?" He asked her.

Felicity hesitated for a second before she nodded and she followed Oliver with a skip in her step as he led her to his favorite spot on the Queen grounds. The adults moved to get more comfortable in the living room, Moira sitting down on one of the couches, Robert next to her, Malcolm on the couch across from them.

"Robert, I can't thank you enough for doing this."

He held up his hand to stop Malcolm. "It's nothing. You would do the same for me."

There was a second of silence before Malcolm spoke again. "Of course."

"So? Any idea on where you will be going?" Moira asked.

Malcolm pondered for a moment, lips pursing and eyes narrowing.

"I'm thinking China, Thailand, India, maybe Tibet."

There wasn't any enthusiasm in his voice that there would normally be when about to travel the world. Moira smiled softly, trying to hide her discomfort.

"Sounds lovely."

Malcolm nodded in agreement. "I trust that you will take good care of Felicity."

"Of course we will, she's a sweetheart." Robert said immediately, resulting in a soft scoff from Malcolm.

"Just enjoy your moments of silence, because when she has found her place, she won't be able to stop talking. It's endearing, but makes you appreciate a moment of solitude."

"I'm sure it's all meant well." Moira said with a soft smile.

Meanwhile, Oliver had taken Felicity almost all the way to the back of the Queen lands, they had already passed the stables and were now walking in a more forest-like area. Oliver stepped over a fallen tree and held out a hand to help her over. She took it gratefully and hopped on and off the tree again.

"Oliver? Are we going much further?" She asked.

"Don't worry, we're almost there." He said, looking over his shoulder and smiling at her.

A little while later they stood in front of an enormous oak tree. From its branches, hundreds of colored glass jars with lights in them were hanging just a little too high for them to reach. Oliver stepped towards the trunk of the tree, his hands reaching for a sturdy looking piece of rope tied around one of the lower branches. He unknotted it, letting it slip through his fingers. He looked upwards and smiled a little. Felicity followed his gaze and stared in awe at the enormous tree house above them. With Oliver loosening the rope, a rope ladder came clattering down against the trunk of the tree.

"Did you build this?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, with my dad. You wanna see the inside?"

Felicity nodded and Oliver gestured to her to come closer and climb up the ladder. She took hold of the ladder and climbed up to pull herself onto the platform. Dusting off her jeans, she waited for Oliver to come up, looking around her, there was a rope bridge that lead to another little cabin. They were surrounded by green and even more jar lights hanging around them. Oliver stepped past her and held open the door to the first cabin.

"Welcome" He said with a smile. She smiled back at him and stepped inside, taking a look around the room that was set up. There was a little couch with a fluffy carpet in front of it, a small table with three chairs and a stack of seemingly old board games, the cardboard boxes faded and clearly used often. In another corner stood a small cabinet with a cooler on top. From the inside of the gable roof, hung a cord of fairy-lights and a single jar light to illuminate the room at night.

"How do you power these?" She asked, turning around to look at Oliver.

"Hmm?"

"The lights, where do they get their electricity?"

Realization hit Oliver and he nodded. "Uhm, my dad called it a generator. It's hidden in some bushes somewhere behind the tree."

Felicity nodded in understanding.

"Why don't you pick out a game to play and I'll get us some juice pouches." Oliver said, pointing at the stack of board-games.

"I would like that." Felicity chuckled and stepped towards the games. She picked one and put it on the table, lifting the lid of the box and taking out the board.

"Orange or strawberry?"

"Strawberry please."

Oliver handed her a drink and sat down across from her. "Thank you." Felicity said with a smile and a blush.

They played Monopoly for hours. Chatting about anything and everything. From Oliver's treehouse to Felicity's favorite books. The initial shyness had fallen away quickly after they started playing, both in it to win it. Both with parents in business, they were taught how to play Monopoly from a very early age. Felicity didn't know how long they had been up there, but she found she didn't really care. This was the most fun she had had in a long time. After her mother had passed away she had grown apart from her friends, not being able to understand how they could possibly be so happy and joyful when all she could feel was sadness and grief. The loss of her mother had torn her apart. She adored her, Rebecca would paint her nails and braid her hair and together they would read books about faraway places and magical kingdoms.

"My dad is leaving me here, you know." She suddenly said.

Oliver stopped moving his pawn, eyes a little wide in surprise.

"He's going out of town for a few days."

"I didn't know that. But don't worry, that just means that I get to spend more time with you."

He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back at him.

"So? What's in the other cabin?"

Oliver chuckled. "A TV and a couple of mattresses for camping."

"Ohh! Can we do that sometime?"

He nodded happily and laughed, trying to make her laugh again. A little while later, they climbed down the ladder and started walking back towards the house. Sensing Felicity's mood hadn't improved as much as he would like it to, Oliver had held her hand until they reached the back door of the Queen Mansion.

"Mom! We're back!" Oliver called out, walking back into the sitting room, where Moira was reading a book. She looked up as they walking into her line of sight and put the book down.

"Hi sweetheart, did you two have fun?"

Oliver and Felicity nodded in unison, both noticing it and chuckling softly. Felicity stepped a little closer to Moira.

"Mrs. Queen? Where is my dad?" She asked in her small, high-pitched voice.

Moira was silent for a moment, her gaze moving from Felicity to Oliver, who frowned a little and back to Felicity. She sighed softly. "Oh, sweetheart."

Felicity didn't need to hear anything more. Her eyes started welling up with tears and her bottom lip started trembling.

"He already left, didn't he" She didn't ask, she simply stated, in a shaky voice.

"He didn't even say goodbye."

Moira exhaled slowly and pulled the girl next to her on the couch, tears already streaming down Felicity's cheeks. Shaky huffs of air escaping from her lips, shoulders trembling. The older woman pulled the girl against her side and wrapped one arm around her, the other hand reaching out to stroke her hair.

"Oh, sweetie. He didn't say goodbye because he was afraid that if he did, he wouldn't want to go anymore, and this trip is really important for his job."

Felicity's sobs continued but in a slightly slower pace. Oliver had come to sit next to her and held her hand, softly stroking the back of hers with his thumb. He looked up at his mother for a second, wandering what to do to help. Moira gave him a sad smile and continued comforting the sobbing five year-old girl in her arms.

* * *

[Outfits](http://www.polyvore.com/felicity_oliver_kids/set?id=110599598)

[Treehouse](https://www.airbnb.nl/rooms/1415908#photos)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave kudos! I would love to hear what you think and how you think this story should develop. I'm always open for suggestions! I'm really excited for this fic and I wanna thank all the people who have supported and convinced me to write it!
> 
> Love, Hannah


	2. After The Storm

 

_And after the storm,_   
_I run and run as the rains come_   
_And I look up, I look up,_   
_on my knees and out of luck,_   
_I look up._   
  
_Night has always pushed up day_   
_You must know life to see decay_   
_But I won't rot, I won't rot_   
_Not this mind and not this heart,_   
_I won't rot._   
  
_And I took you by the hand_   
_And we stood tall,_   
_And remembered our own land,_   
_What we lived for._   
  
_And there will come a time,_   
_you'll see, with no more tears._   
_And love will not break your heart,_   
_but dismiss your fears._   
_Get over your hill and see_   
_what you find there,_   
_With grace in your heart_   
_and flowers in your hair._

It was the first snow she had ever seen. She watched as she snowflakes came twirling down onto the ground, the earth finally cooled off enough to let it stick. Her breath left a foggy spot on the window as she pressed her nose up against it. It was Christmas eve, the first of many she got to spend with the Queens. The family had traveled to their cabin in Aspen, lying atop one of the mountains with a beautiful view of the valley. The minute they got there, Oliver and Felicity had completely forgotten what they had been bickering about, probably on the matter of ‘who gets the last cookie’. He showed her all the fun things the house contained, like the home theatre, the indoor swimming pool, the recreational room, with all kinds of brand new tech stuff and arcade games. The cabin did have that signature Moira Queen-feel, but much more rustic and with a lot more wood in the exterior and interior. It still looked luxurious, though, with its expensive fabrics and impressively big windows and rooms. It probably wasn’t even that much smaller than the mansion.

The last place Oliver showed her was by far her favorite, the library. Even though she was only five, five years, ten months and twenty one days if you asked her, she already had developed an inextinguishable passion for books. She had loved listening to her mother telling her stories, and not just the children’s books, no, Shakespeare. The tone of her voice always soothing her, and the compelling way the words would flow together into a sentence never seized to amaze her. She didn’t understand much of it, of course, but she loved it nonetheless.

Moira had taken it upon her to read to her sometimes, the Queen library having quite the range to choose from. Even Oliver took the time to read her something when she couldn’t sleep, and maybe he wasn’t such an experienced reader and mostly read her children’s books, she didn’t enjoy it any less. She seemed to grow particularly fond of  ‘Guess How Much I Love You’ by Sam McBratney. Besides the stories, Felicity also loved the smell of all the books in one room, and the way it never seems to be cold in a library.

The first few days in Aspen were spent playing with the toys they thought they didn’t have at home. Truth is, everything is just more exciting when you’re in a new place. Now, Felicity and Oliver were putting on their coats and winter boots and corresponding accessories to go out and play in the snow. Well, actually, only Oliver was because Felicity had been ready to go out even before the first snowflake touched to ground.

“Come on, Oliver! We’re wasting time!” She called from the window, without taking her eyes off the snow to look at him, fumbling with the buttons of his coat.

“I’m coming alright!”

Moira came walking into the room, carrying a small wooden sled in her arms. She put it down next to Felicity and handed her the rope it was attached to so she could pull it along.

“I want you two back inside before it gets dark out, okay.”

Felicity nodded and gave her a hug.

“Alright, now have fun.”

A few seconds later he was at her side and pushed open the glass door leading into the backyard. Oliver took her hand and pulled her outside. She laughed as they ran up the hills, pulling the sled after her. Panting short huffs of air, their breath immediately condensing in the cold, they reached the top of the hill. They looked at each other for a moment, nodding simultaneously with big grins on their faces. Felicity pulled at the sled and placed it horizontal on the ground. She sat down on top of the sled, Oliver behind her.

“Ready?” He asked.

A chuckle escaped from her lips and she nodded. “Yes!”

Oliver started pushing off against the ground, getting them closer to the slope. “Here we go!” He yelled before the one final push that sent them flying down, speeding up, dashing through the fresh snow. Felicity squealed in delight, Oliver’s arms wrapped around her protectively until they slowly came to a stop.

“Again!!” Felicity exclaimed. Oliver laughed and pushed himself off the sled and took her hand to pull her up as well. Together, they climbed back up the hill, only to slide back down again. After a couple more sleigh rides Felicity let herself fall backwards into the snow, making a snow angel with her arms and legs. Laughing, she let Oliver pull her up, and together they admired her work.

"It sucks" she said as she looked at the slightly deformed angel in the snow.

"I like it." Oliver said with a smile.

"LIAR!" Felicity yelled and she gave him a nudge with her shoulder and spurted off. Scooping some snow up in her hands, she attempted at making a ball of it and throwing it in Oliver’s direction.  He took his revenge very seriously. His arms carrying as much snow as they could, he chased her down until she was too tired to run. He caught up with her, throwing the snow at her, covering her completely. They both fell down laughing, Felicity rubbing the snow off her face. But, Oliver wasn’t done yet, finally rolling over and tickling her until she was begging for mercy. Her breath still evening out, she sat up and hovered over him.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Oliver raised an eyebrow at her.

"It doesn’t have to be a snowman, it can also be a snow car, or a snow boat, or maybe a snow fort!"

Oliver chuckled and sat up.

"I'd love to build a snowman with you."

Felicity clapped happily, and made a little fist pump. It had started getting darker when they were satisfied with their creation. They stood in front of the snow man, examining it like art-critics at a gallery. Felicity cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips.

“It’s……something.” She said, turning her head to look at Oliver. He couldn’t stifle the laugh that escaped from his lips. It turned into a louder laugh and then he was simply having an attack of the giggles.

“It looks ridiculous.” He laughed.

Oliver’s laughter seemed to be contagious, because not a second later, Felicity burst out into laughter too. Taking her hand, they hurried back to the cabin, where Moira was already looking out of the window, waiting for them to return.

“Look at you two! You’re soaking wet.” She said when the two of them entered the warmth and comfort of the cabin. Felicity suddenly felt very cold with her wet clothes and wet hair. Her teeth started chattering, and Moira hurried over to the shuddering girl.

“Oh sweetie, let’s get you dried up and warm.”

They quickly disposed of her boots and soaked-through coat, as did Oliver. Moira took Felicity’s hand and hurried the two kids upstairs and into their bedroom to change. Oliver plopped down on his bed, across from Felicity’s. He took a deep breath and sighed, taking one of the towels his mother handed him to dry his hair. Letting Moira help her, Felicity quickly disposed of all the wet clothes. She took the sweater Moira handed her, a cream colored one with a puppy on it, her favorite. A few minutes later, she was all dried up and starting to warm up again, dressed in her sweater, comfy, plaid pajama pants and fuzzy socks. Oliver, dressed in similar attire, climbed onto her bed to sit next to her.

“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” Moira said, turning around to look at her son.

“Why don’t you go downstairs and tell your father about your day.”

Oliver looked at Felicity, silently asking her if she would like that. The girl smiled brightly, her lips still a little blue from the cold and she nodded.

“Alright.” Oliver said, turning back to his mother and hopping of the bed. With Felicity’s hand in his the two of them hurried down the stairs and into the living-room where a fire was crackling in the fireplace.

Robert was pacing through the room, talking on the phone, clearly upset about the topic of conversation.

“I honestly think that’s not such a good idea.” He said, turning to face the window, crossing his arms in front of him. He was silent for a moment, listening to whatever it was the person on the other end of the line had to say. Oliver and Felicity looked at each other, not sure if this was the right time to interrupt. Frowning a little, Oliver dared to step closer.

“Dad?”

Robert whipped his head around to see the two kids standing in the doorway, his expression softened.

“One second, son.” He said before turning back around, holding up a finger. Nodding, Oliver stepped further into the room and sat down on the sofa, gesturing to Felicity to come join him.

“Are you really willing to put her through that again?” They overheard Robert say, even though he was speaking in a hushed voice now.

“Fine.” The man muttered and he turned around and walked over to the couch Felicity and Oliver were sitting on. He bent down in front of Felicity and gave her a sympathetic look.

“Felicity, sweetheart, it’s your father. He wants to talk to you.”

Felicity’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open a little. She turned to see Oliver frowning, and then to Robert, who was holding out the 1993 cell phone to her. She swallowed to took it from him, holding it to her ear.

“Daddy? Is that you?”

“How are you sweetheart?”

“I’m fine, daddy. The Queens are really nice and Oliver and I have lots of fun.”

She heard a soft chuckle on the other end of the line and smiled a little.

“That’s great to hear. Merry Christmas, pumpkin.”

She sighed, already knowing that this meant the end of the conversation.

“Daddy, wait, please don’t go. When are you coming back? Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

She had been burning up with all these questions since the day she moved in with the Queens. Since that day, she had gone through several emotional stages, first there was hurt, then came anger and incomprehension, and then the cycle repeated itself. After this phone call, she would hate him for denying her the answers she needed so badly.

“I don’t know, baby. I don’t know.”

She was silent for a moment, closing her eyes and opening them again to hide the tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks.

“I love you, pumpkin.”

Felicity swallowed. “I love you too, daddy.”

And then Malcolm hung up the phone. Without a word, she handed the device back to Robert. He took it from her and placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly. Felicity shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to get rid of the tears.

Later that night, Oliver and Felicity safely tucked into their beds, Moira asked Robert about the phone call. Moira was rather upset that he had given Felicity the phone.

“We’re not her parents, Moira! We don’t get to decide. We can’t keep him from talking to his daughter, you know that.”

Moira nodded slowly. “Does he know how much it’s tearing at her. Did you see her at dinner, poor thing barely said a word.”

“I think he knows. But, what are we supposed to do about it? It’s not like we can take all her bad memories about him away from her.”

“I know.” Moira said, stepping forward and taking her husband’s hands in hers. “That’s why we’ll make her new ones. With us.”

* * *

 

_It was cold down here, he was still in the same pajama’s he was in when he had gone to bed that night. Wrapping his arms around himself to keep warm, Oliver examined his surroundings. He couldn’t see anything except the concrete floor that seemed to stretch on into oblivion. There weren’t any walls, or a ceiling for that matter, everything just faded into black. Never had he ever felt so cold, and alone. It started raining. Not just a drizzle, no, full hair blowing, wind howling, pouring down rain. Shivering, he was about to sink down to his knees, not knowing what to do or where he was when something flew past him. Thwick. And again. Thwick. Thwick. He couldn’t see what it was, flying to fast for him to see anything but a blur, but it sure scared the hell out of him. The noise stopped for a second. Whipping his head around, still not seeing anything other than darkness, he started running in the opposite direction that the scary things had come from. But there wasn’t anywhere to go, so he just kept on running and running, the sound returning and making him run even faster. Until his legs gave out and he tripped onto the hard concrete. He took a moment to catch his breath, slowly cracking open an eye. He screamed when he saw what, or rather who was hovering over him. A man, dressed in all black, the lower half of  his face covered, the black hood falling over his eyes, covering him in darkness. The man was holding a black compound bow, aiming the knocked arrow at Oliver’s head. He screamed. And screamed again. He screamed until his lungs gave out._

Felicity awoke to hearing Oliver’s struggle. She didn’t exactly wake up because she hadn’t been sleeping, really, but when she heard Oliver tossing in his bed, muffled groans coming from his throat, she started to worry. Sitting up, she looked over to his bed, he lay there, rolling from side to side, pulling on the comforter, burying his face in his pillow. She pushed herself off the bed and padded over to the other end of the room, to Oliver.

“Oliver?” she whispered, not getting a response, only muttering and more tossing.

She hauled herself up on the edge of his bed, carefully wrapping both of her hands around one of his, clenched into a fist, holding onto the sheets. She eased his hand free and tangled his fingers with hers, her other hand flying to his shoulder. She shook him carefully.

“Oliver. Oliver, wake up.”

Suddenly, he went still, very still, if it hadn’t been for his chest rising and falling, she might have thought he was dead. His forehead glistened with sweat in the moonlight falling through the window. She shook him again, this time a little harder.

“Oliver.”

His eyes flew open and he lunged forward, sitting up. Eyes wary, breathing heavy, he turned to see Felicity sitting beside him. He tightened his hand around hers and tried to steady his breathing.

“Nightmare?” she asked. Oliver nodded. He hadn’t had nightmares in ages, it seemed like forever ago since he had woken up drenched in sweat. It really hadn’t been that long, but in a child’s life, everything seemed like an eternity ago. In truth, he hadn’t had nightmares since Felicity moved in. He had been doing better at school, more talkative and overall just happier over those past few months, all because of getting a better night’s sleep, they said. And it wasn’t a lie, he was more well-rested, but his new friend also played a huge part in it. Before she moved in, the mansion had been empty and hallow, and he had spent most of his time watching the hours tick by, or occupying himself with making alterations in his treehouse. He may have built it with his father, but that didn’t mean that Robert spent any time with him up there, playing board games or anything, really.

“What was it about?”

“I don’t remember” He rubbed his eyes, trying not to think about it too hard. When he looked back at her, she was yawning.

“Did I wake you?”

She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Felicity was quiet for a moment. Sighing softly, she averted her gaze and started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

“I can’t stop thinking about my dad.” She mumbled, staring straight ahead, out of the window, watching the snow twirl down.

Oliver sighed softly. He knew this was the answer that he would be getting. Felicity hadn’t quite been the same since that phone call. She hadn’t said as much as she normally would and she’d barely eaten, even though roasted salmon was her favorite. He squeezed her hand a little, running his thumb over her knuckles.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

Felicity sniffled, and wiped away the tears that she finally freed. She turned to look at Oliver, cheeks already tear-stained and eyes red-rimmed.

“You think so?”

Nodding, he smiled at her. “I know so.”

A chuckle escaped from her lips, and she furiously wiped away the stupid tears. Sniffling again, she threw her arms around his neck. His hands rubbed her back in soothing circles. They stayed like that for a while, until she pulled away, blushing a little.

“We should go back to bed.”

Oliver nodded in agreement, but frowned when she moved to hop off the bed. He reached for the hand that was lying atop of the comforter. Handholding had really become their thing

“Please. Don’t go.”

She looked up at him through hooded eyes, the exhaustion already pulling at her.

“Nightmares?” she asked. He nodded and then she nodded and scooted further onto the bed, climbing to the other side and slipping under the covers, never letting go of Oliver’s hand. They fell asleep within minutes, and naturally, Oliver didn’t have any more nightmares that night.

The sunlight came seeping in from their bedroom window, warming her cheeks. As she drifted into consciousness, she became more and more aware of the warmth and brightness, and she desperately wanted to stay in that blissful place of no worries. She was, rudely in her opinion, pulled out that state by Oliver tugging on her hand, and whispering her name.

“Felicity. Felicity wake up.” She heard the sigh that escaped from his lips.

“Come on, it’s Christmas morning!” He was becoming impatient now so she carefully cracked open an eye, only to see a wide-eyed, brightly smiling Oliver hovering over her. She opened her eyes and smiled back at him.

“Alright, Alright, I’m awake.”

“Finally. Come on, I wanna go downstairs to unwrap our gifts!”

He jumped up a little and hopped of the bed, reaching for the fuzzy socks that were lying on the ground and put them on. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Yawning, she took her pair of socks that Oliver had already retrieved for her. She kicked her legs free from the comforter and put the socks on, Oliver hopping impatiently from one foot to the other. When she was finished he offered her his hand and she gratefully took it, hopping off the bed. Together they headed downstairs and to the Christmas tree.

Felicity’s eyes went wide when she saw the stack of presents underneath the tree. Never had she ever seen such an impressive stack. Now she was getting excited.

“It’s Christmas!” Oliver laughed.

* * *

[Outfits](http://www.polyvore.com/felicity_oliver_kids/set?id=110943644)

[Cabin](http://www.aspensnowmasssir.com/rentals/189-Pinon-Drive)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you guys like the little Frozen easter-egg I put in there :) 
> 
> Love, Hannah


	3. Paradise

_When she was just a girl  
_ _She expected the world_  
But it flew away from her reach  
So she ran away in her sleep  
Dreamed of para- para- paradise  
Para- para- paradise  
Para- para- paradise  
Every time she closed her eyes  
 _Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh_

_When she was just a girl_   
_She expected the world_   
_But it flew away from her reach_   
_And the bullets catch in her teeth_   
_Life goes on It gets so heavy_   
_The wheel breaks the butterfly_   
_Every tear, a waterfall_   
_In the night, the stormy night_   
_She closed her eyes_   
_In the night, the stormy night_   
_Away she'd fly._

_And dreamed of para- para- paradise_   
_Para- para- paradise_   
_Para- para- paradise_   
_Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh_

The day she had dreaded for almost two years had finally come and there was nothing she could have done about it. Staring out of the window a tear slipped out from the corner of her eye. How could she even try to sleep, knowing the nightmares were still haunting him. She and Oliver had grown to be best friends over the years, spending almost every second of every day together. The sudden withdrawal hit her hard. She missed him like crazy, and it had been only a few hours since she’d last seen him. In the years she had spent living with the Queens, Felicity had become a vital part in their little family. Her brightness and bubbly personality always found a way to cheer someone up. And now here she was, in a house she no longer called home, in a room that was no longer hers, in a bed that belonged to a person she no longer was.

The last couple of years had changed her, made her tougher, wiser and less trusting. She was hurt by what her father had done to her, but she was also glad with what she had gotten in return. Felicity had seen only six summers, the seventh quick approaching, but she had the wisdom of someone twice her age. She easily picked up on emotions, and knew how to deal with them, if her own, or someone else’s. Especially Oliver’s. He was an open book to her. Their bond had strengthened in a way that was hard to describe. They would only have to share a look to instantly know what the other was thinking. It almost started to concern Moira a little, seeing the two have entire conversations with just staring at each other.

Felicity rolled back on her back, unable to let the exhaustion wash over her and let it pull her into a comfortable slumber. She was thinking about him again, wondering if he was getting any rest. If there would be someone there to help him chase away the nightmares. If there would be someone there to sooth him back to sleep. She had taken on that job after they had fallen asleep together on the first Christmas’ Eve she’d spent with them. It wasn’t like she was the only one helping the other. Having his hand in hers comforted her on an inexplicable level.

Wiping another tear off her cheek, she sat up in the uncomfortably unfamiliar bed. She swallowed and threw the covers off of her and let her bare feet touch the cold hardwood floor. Grabbing the stuffed teddy-bear Moira had given her, she shuffled across the room and into the hall. The house was silent, it being the middle of the night. She walked in the direction she knew the stairs were. It had been so long since she had set foot in this house, it had alienated itself to her. She remembered the days she’d spent here, with her mother, but it just felt like those weren’t her memories, but someone else’s. She pulled Mr. Patches –the stuffed panda bear’s name originating from the many times he had gotten himself into the teddy-bear hospital because of some brutal fabric wound, the stitches the evidence of his many adventures– closer to her chest. As quietly as she could, she walked down the stairs, ending up in front of a door she could only remember as not allowed to enter. Of course, this only spiked her curiosity. With one hand, she reached for the doorknob and pushed open the door.

As she stepped onto the descending stairs, she could feel the draft slip along her feet. She shivered. Even though it was the middle of May, Oliver’s birthday a week behind them, the night could still get pretty cold. At the bottom of the stairs, she found a light-switch. Flipping it, she found herself standing in an enormous garage. Really? A garage? Why would she not be allowed down here? She frowned and stared appreciatively at all the beautiful cars, a silver Bugatti, a sleek, black Aston Martin, a navy, sturdy looking Jeep and all the way in the back of the garage, up on the car lift, a bright red vintage Ferrari. She hurried over to the beauty of a car, running her fingers over the headlights. Pressing her lips together she tried to hide her smile and reached out for the button that would lower the car.

She was in the front seat as soon as the lift came to a stop and the wheels touched the ground. Closing the door, she settled herself in the soft leather seat, her hand reaching out to run along the steering wheel. The memories of her summer in Italy all rushing back to her.

A year ago, The Queens had taken her to Europe for the summer. She had absolutely loved it. All the new food she got to taste, spending afternoons at the beautiful beaches, and basically just everything the Mediterranean lifestyle had to offer. Robert had rented a red Ferrari very similar to this one, for them to drive around in, exploring the countryside and picturesque villages. That summer she had learned a lot about cars, very intrigued about the way Robert talked about them, like they were beautiful miracles. Oliver wasn’t really into it, spending most of his time at the pool their little villa had come with. But, Felicity had always been curious, and she wanted to know everything that could possibly fit into her tiny head. Maybe it had more to do with the fact that she got to spend time with Robert.

Slumping back into the leather seat, she took a deep breath, smiling a little at the memories that now flooded her brain. She pulled her feet up on the seat, hugging her knees close to her body. Why did her father come back? That was what she just couldn’t understand. He had left her two and a half years ago, with complete strangers, to her at least, only calling twice a year, on her birthday and for Christmas, and suddenly he was there, without so much as a notice that he would be picking her up soon. Nothing, he had just showed up on the Queen’s doorstep, basically demanding her to come home. She had cried, a lot, never in her wildest nightmares had it happened so suddenly, without barely any time to say goodbye. Oliver had still been at school and she was forced to leave without a last hug. It broke her heart, again. Malcolm broke her heart.

The drive back to the Merlyn house was silent. She had barely said anything to him since he stepped into the hall of the Queen Manor. She was pouting, refusing to cry in front of him, stubborn and angry as she was. Malcolm sighed on the other end of the town car. He had attempted at making her feel better, but he hadn’t cared, hell, even seen his daughter in almost three years and he didn’t know the first thing about the girl she had grown to be. He didn’t even know the first thing about decent parenting, Rebecca had always been there to help him with Felicity, because it simply didn’t come that natural to him. He missed her so much. She would have known what to do. She had been the absolute best with taking care of their daughter. But she wasn’t here anymore, god rest her soul, and he had to find a way to rekindle the relationship he had had with Felicity before she was murdered. He loved the girl with all his heart, but without his wife by his side, he had no idea how to get through to her.

Her eyes widened when she first saw him, mouth hanging open slightly. Malcolm bent down to hug her, her arms hanging limp around his shoulders. Moira nervously playing with the ring on her finger as she looked at the two of them, his gaze meeting hers when he stepped away from Felicity. She had grown so much, must have been at least 5 inches. She looked leaner as well, the last of the little baby fat gone, and her face looking less round. Her hair had grown, it now way past her shoulders. Her eyes still gorgeously blue, wide behind her glasses, just like her mother’s. Malcolm smiled at his beautiful daughter, a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re going home, pumpkin.”

Felicity sniffled and nodded slowly, frowning as she looked up at him.

“What about my stuff?”

As is on cue, Raisa, silently bossing around two other staff members holding her suitcases and some boxes, came walking down the stairs. As they reached the last step, Raisa stepped forward, the other two waiting.

“Shall we put these in the car, Mr. Merlyn?”

“Yes. Thank you, Raisa.”

She nodded politely and turned back to direct the staff outside and to the car. Malcolm turned back to Felicity and smiled softly.

“See, all taken care of, sweetheart.”

Felicity clasped her hands together and licked her lips. She was quiet for a moment before turning around to look at Moira, the woman she had considered her mother for over the past two years. She absolutely loved it to watch her put on make-up and curl her hair, sometimes they would put Felicity’s hair in a beautiful up-do, and she would put on a pretty dress and feel like a princess all day. She loved the games she played with Oliver too, but sometimes a girl wanted something girly to do. Sometimes, she would even ‘lend’ Moira’s high heels and try to walk in them, without succeeding, but it was fun and a way for her to enjoy herself and not think about the bad things in her life. That’s why Moira didn’t mind and would just let her.

Moira crouched down to look at Felicity, the woman clearly having a hard time. They hugged for a long moment. When they parted, Moira cupped Felicity’s face and pressed a kiss on her forehead. Felicity smiled softly, seeing the sadness in Moira’s eyes.

“Say goodbye to Oliver and Robert for me?” She asked quietly.

Moira nodded, a soft but sad smile on her lips.

“We’re going to miss you, sweetie.”

“I’m going to miss you too.”

That’s when the tears spilled from her eyes and Moira pulled her closer for another hug. Felicity wrapped her arms around her tightly, shutting her eyes as Moira gently stroked her hair.

“You can come here whenever you want.” Moira said as she pulled away, wiping the tears from the girl’s cheeks. Felicity nodded and smiled, turning back around to look at her father.

“Ready to go?”

Felicity nodded again, slowly, and took his outstretched hand.

“Take good care of her, Malcolm.” Moira said, a soft smile gracing her lips.

“I will.”

He tightened his grip on her hand and they walked outside and got into the car.

“What would you like for dinner? Is Spaghetti Carbonara still your favorite?”

Felicity ignored him, turning her head to look out of the window, arms crossed over her chest. Malcolm sighed. She had been silent ever since they got into the car, leaving him very frustrated. He had let her be angry with him for a while but he just couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Oliver.” Felicity whispered, hands playing with her mother’s locket that hung around her neck. Malcolm smiled a little as he saw the piece of jewelry and sighed again. That earned him a quick sideways glance from his daughter.

“Felicity, sweetheart.”

She looked away again, refusing to meet his gaze. Malcolm reached out a hand and put it on her shoulder.

“You will see him soon.”

Finally, she looked up, with hope-filled eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise, Felicity.”

 

* * *

 

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She missed him so much already. The only thing she wanted was to lay down beside him on the big king sized bed that occupied his room. It was so soft and comfortable. But mostly, he was there and it felt right. That was about a thousand times better then loneliness she felt when in her own room. Sitting here, in the vintage Ferrari, the exhaustion finally started washing over her. She curled into a ball, Mr. Patches clutched to her chest, and she fell into a comfortable slumber.

She dreamt about not being stuck in this house anymore. Of playing video-games after school with Oliver, in his tree-house or the recreational room in the Queen Mansion. About dancing around and chasing each other in their pajamas on the weekend and stealing the cookies Raisa baked from the kitchen and eat them all in the fort they would build. Watching 90’s cartoons on the little TV they had managed to sneak in there. Reading books in the library, and Oliver reading to her from the books she wasn’t able to read yet. She dreamt about the summer trips to the beach, building sandcastles and pretending to be a mermaid in the ocean. And the trips they made with the Gambit were hard to forget too. She loved the wind in her hair, the swaying of the boat on the waves, and the salty smell that surrounded her. Those trips were her favorite, not to mention, the boat was very, very comfortable. She dreamt about the Family dinners they had each Sunday, Moira asking her about her day, Felicity eager to tell her every little detail, her stories always full of excitement and enthusiasm.

She dreamt about Oliver sticking up for her when the kids at school were teasing her because of her glasses. He basically told them they were stupid pigs and they were just jealous because Felicity was so smart and pretty, even if she did have glasses. She would stick out her tongue and they would just stride off together, finding something fun to do. She dreamt about Robert tucking her in at night when she had had a bad day, telling her that everything would be alright. She never doubted him, and she tried to live by his words, but after he’d tucked her in, she would soon sneak out to go to Oliver and sleep next to him in the ridiculously big bed that occupied his room. She dreamt of days spent clothes shopping with Moira. They would always have a fancy lunch, and never failed at finding exactly what they had wanted.

She dreamt about the ballet-classes she took, being introverted as she was, she had a hard time making friends, until she met Charlotte. She was in her class at school, but they were both shy and very smart. They shared a moment in ballet (a very awkward one, that resulted in a lot of laughter) and they were instant best friends. The two finished each other’s sentences. Their first recital, a simpler version of the Swan Lake, the entire Queen family was sitting on the front row, clapping and cheering for her. It was the same with Oliver’s soccer matches. Each Saturday afternoon, they would go down to the field and cheer for him and his team. They even ended up winning the championship.

She dreamt about the times she and Oliver went with Raisa to get the groceries, picking out all the tasty stuff. She dreamt about dressing up for Halloween, her baby-pink baroque princess dress and Oliver’s Iron Man suit. She had never, ever, seen so much candy. To say it had been successful trick-or-treating that year would be underselling.

Now, Halloween had been amazing, but her eighth birthday party outdid most sweet sixteen parties. It had everything, from vanilla flavored cake with violet frosting, to a bouncing castle, to a bubble machine, a couple of horses for the kids to ride. The pool had been decorated, and women dressed up as mermaids, very realistic ones, swimming around, singing on the edge, combing their hair and doing all kinds of mermaid things. Everything was very much like the fairytales and stories she had read and loved so much. It wasn’t all princess-y and cute, there were acrobats, even a tiger, a fire-breather, and there even was a nautical themed part, with pirates and gold treasures, and sword-fights and parrots. She loved it, even if it was a bit too extravagant to her liking. But extravagant in the best way possible.

It wasn’t that this was something she couldn’t have expected. Oliver’s parties, or even any Queen party, was extremely extravagant. But, Oliver’s parties were themed differently. Mostly pirates. Or Superheroes. Staying with the Queens would probably be the best thing that could have happened to her, she would still say so later in life.

Her life was there, with the family that had become hers. Not here, in an unfamiliar house, taken away from what she considered to be paradise, pulled away, back to face the reality that was in fact, her life.

The next morning, Malcolm found her. In the same position she had fell asleep in that night, curled up into a little ball, hiding from the world. He had gone by her room, waking her for breakfast, but he found it to be empty. A little panicked and maybe a bit paranoia, he had the staff sweep the house to find his daughter. He was pacing around the living room when someone told him she had been found, fast asleep, in the cold and dark garage, in a vintage Ferrari. He sighed softly at his daughter looking so peaceful, the bear clutched close to her body, eyelids fluttering a little as she dreamt. He pulled the car-door open and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her from the car easily and carrying her back to bed.

It would take them a while to get used to each other again, that, Malcolm had expected. How hard it would be? He had no idea.

* * *

[The Vintage Ferrari](http://screencapped.net/tv/arrow/displayimage.php?album=84&pid=88206#top_display_media)

[Felicity's outfits](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=114509429&.locale=nl)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment or leave kudos to let me know what you think!
> 
> Love, Hannah


	4. Lights

_I had a way then losing it all on my own_  
I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown  
And I'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat  
And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone_   
_You shine it when I'm alone_   
_And so I tell myself that I'll be strong_   
_And dreaming when they're gone_

_'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home_   
_Calling, calling, calling home_   
_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone_   
_You shine it when I'm alone home_

* * *

 

It was an unusually sunny day in February. Felicity and her father had spent most of the day in the gym in the souterrain of the Merlyn home. Ever since he had taken Felicity home, he had been trying to rekindle their relationship, and get to know his daughter again. He had been trying do to so through teaching her martial arts. He wanted her to be able to protect herself and this was a way that they could spend some time together. At first, she did not like it. At all. Her arms were too weak and she got really annoyed by the water splashing in her face and on her glasses every time she had to slap it. But now, she had gotten a little better. She didn't have to slap any more water and she actually started to enjoy it. The martial arts, that is, not spending time with her father, necessarily. Still, she would much rather spend some time with Oliver or read a good book.

"Dad? Can we go see the baby now?"

Once again, Felicity hit the punching bag with all the force she had left in her arms. Malcolm stepped around the bag and looked at his daughter. Sighing softly, he shook his head.

"I told you we can go see her once you do this right. Remember, it's about precision, not force. Again."

Felicity groaned but obliged, taking back her stance. She focused on the small dots made on the punching bag that she had to hit. With two swift moves of her arms, she hit two of the dots, twirling around afterwards and landing a perfect kick to the last one.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, punching her fist up in the air.

"See, I knew you could do it."

Felicity squealed and clapped her hands. She smiled brightly up at her father, who sincerely smiled back at her, for once. He put his hands back on the punching bag, stilling its movements.

"I'm proud of you honey. Why don't you go freshen up, and we can go meet Oliver's new sister."

She nodded and rushed out of the large area and up the two flights of stairs to her room. She took off her training outfit and pulled her hair out of its braids. She chuckled when she saw the mess of curls her hair had become. She took a quick shower and dressed herself in the outfit she had laid out the night before. It was a dark blue chiffon dress, with see-through sleeves and little golden hearts all over the fabric. She took her favourite brown leather Oxfords and checked her nail-polish. Luckily, the bright pink hadn't chipped. She had this thing about nail-polish. She couldn't leave the house if one of her nails wasn't perfectly covered in a colourful way.

She sat at her vanity and brushed her hair, pulling it up in a high ponytail. Her hair was long, even pulled up it was still falling past her shoulders. She tied a ribbon in a bow around the elastic, like her mom had taught her. The navy colour looked nice with her dark hair. She smiled at her reflection and took her locket and pulled it over her head. It was still a little big on her. She spun around in front of her mirror and smiled. She was so happy she got to see Oliver again, and this time, he had a little sister. She had never seen such a tiny baby before. Well, of course she had seen babies before, but she had never actually had any connection to them, or visited on a regular basis. She hoped her father would allow her to visit the Queens more often now that she was getting better at martial arts.

Rushing down the stairs, she almost forgot her present for the baby. Neatly wrapped up in soft yellow wrapping paper with golden ribbons around it. Her father was waiting in the foyer and handed her her coat. She liked that coat, it had a fur collar and she didn't have anything else with the same light peachy colour. She closed the buttons and let her father escort her to the car.

They arrived at the Queen Mansion after a short drive and Felicity nearly exploded with excitement and curiosity. She was biting her lower lip, anxiously waiting for the car to come to a stop. When the driver opened the door for them, she was the first to jump out, obviously.

"Thank you, Frederick." She said, smiling brightly up at the elderly man that worked for them for as long as she could remember. He tipped his hat at her and smiled.

Malcolm put a hand on her shoulder after he stepped out of the car and together they walked to the grand front door. Raisa opened the door before they had a chance to ring the doorbell. "Raisa!" She wrapped her arms around the woman, who gently ran a hand over her hair and rubbed her back. Felicity pulled back and beamed up at her. Raisa smiled softly and touched Felicity's cheek.

"Felicity. Hello my little duckling." She spoke with her distinctive Russian accent.

She turned to Malcolm. "Hello, Mr. Merlyn."

"Afternoon, Raisa." He said with a nod of his head.

With another stroke of her hand against Felicity's cheek, she stepped away from the girl and towards Malcolm.

"Can I take your coat, sir?"

Malcolm nodded and took of his long black coat, handing it to her with a quick 'thank you'. She took Felicity's coat as well and lead them into the sitting room.

"Mr. Queen will be here in a minute. Can I get you anything else while you wait?"

"No thank you. We'll be fine."

Raisa nodded and walked out of the sitting room. They sat down on one of the couches, facing away from the doorway. Felicity kept crossing and uncrossing her legs and fiddling with the hem of her dress until Malcolm put a hand over hers. She looked up at him, eyes wide behind her glasses and her lips slightly parted.

"Don't do that, sweetheart. You'll ruin your pretty dress."

She smiled a little and nodded. Soon after, she heard footsteps running down the stairs. She instantly knew it was Oliver so she stood up off the couch and turned around to face the doorway.

"Felicity!" He exclaimed when he saw her. She stepped around the couch and as soon as he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her and used what little strength he had to lift her up and twirl her around. He wasn't very successful, he was only ten for crying out loud, cut him some slack.

"Oliver!" She squealed and giggled as he put her back down. She had missed him so much. His hair was shorter, parted on the side of his head. He was taller, too. She smiled brightly and hugged him again. She was so much smaller than him. The top of her head barely reached his chin.

"I missed you"

Oliver chuckled and smiled down at her. "I missed you, too."

They let go of each other, except for their hands. They always held hands. Oliver looked over her shoulder and smiled at Malcolm.

"Hello, Mr. Merlyn."

"Hello, Oliver. Good to see you, son."

Oliver smiled politely.

"My dad is coming. Someone from the company called but he's keeping it short."

"And short it was." A low rumbling voice said from the doorway. Robert walked in with a smirk on his face. You could see he was happy. Happier than usual. He walked around the couch and shook Malcolm's hand. He had stood up and patted Robert's shoulder.

"Congratulations, old friend."

"Thank you, Malcolm. We couldn't be more excited."

Robert stepped around him and kneeled down in front of Felicity. He smiled at her and she smiled back at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. She had missed him too, so much.

"Hi honey. How are you doing?" He said softly, running a hand over her back. She smiled.

"Good." She whispered and slowly pulled back.

"Good." He replied and smiled at her.

"You wanna go meet her?"

She nodded and Robert smiled again. Standing back up, he turned to Oliver.

"Why don't you and Felicity go see your mother and the baby, her father and I have some stuff to discuss."

Oliver nodded and held out his hand. She took it with a bright smile and together they walked out of the room and ran up the stairs to go meet Oliver's new sister. Robert spun around to face Malcolm. His smile had faded, a serious look had taken its place. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. He was dressed slightly more casual than usual, the seemingly always present suit-jacket gone and the sleeves of his dress-shirt rolled up to his elbows.

"How is she?" He asked.

Malcolm looked away, sighing heavily. "Honestly. I don't know. She never wants to talk, and barely lets her guard down. This morning, she smiled at me for the first time in days."

He sat back down on the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees. Robert slowly nodded and sat down next to him. He and Malcolm had known each other for a very long time, and he cared about Felicity as if she was one of his own. He wanted to help his friend, but he left his daughter to live with him for reasons still unknown. Well, because his wife had just died, but to disappear from the face of the earth for two years and leave your daughter with people she barely knew was unheard of. He could understand Felicity didn't feel the need to have anything to do with him.

"Malcolm." He sighed. "You know I want nothing more than both you and Felicity to be happy, but I think that you don't completely understand what she went through when you left. The poor thing cried for days, and didn't want to leave her room. She barely ate and couldn't sleep at night. If it wasn't for Oliver, it would have been that way much longer than it was. He is her best friend, and then, after two years of almost complete radio silence, you waltz back into her life, and you don't even let her say goodbye. Not to me, and not to Oliver. He was heartbroken when he found out. And then it takes almost two months for you two to come visit. She's a wonderful girl, but there are certain things that hurt deeper than other things and that are harder to forgive. You'll have to work harder for her affection, now."

Malcolm swallowed and looked up at his friend. He knew he was right, but there was no way he was going to acknowledge that. For the two years that he was gone, he met people he would never, not in a million years, introduce his daughter to. It had been a miracle he had been able to leave, at all. Ra's had been in a very gratuitous mood.

"It has been almost a year, Malcolm. She's just eight but I can tell you, that girl is not stupid. Maybe it's time you start opening up to her. Talk about Rebecca. You're not the only one who misses her, you know."

The two men stared at each other for a long time. Neither one said anything. In the hallway upstairs, Oliver knocked on the door to his mother's bedroom. He slowly opened it. The room was kind of dark, some curtains were drawn shut, and the lights had been dimmed. Moira was sitting against the headboard of her bed, her face free of make-up and her hair undone. Her blonde hair falling naturally straight around her shoulders. She was wearing a nightgown. Felicity had almost never seen her like this. Moira was almost always dressed-up. In neat clothing, her hair always perfected to the last curl. She looked up from the little bundle in her arms when the two kids stepped into the room.

"Hey mom." Oliver whispered. "Look who's here." He spoke a little louder this time and stepped to the side to reveal Felicity. She smiled at the woman who was the closest thing she had to a mother. Moira's face lit up.

"Hi, honey!" She said, gesturing for Felicity to come closer and give her a hug. Felicity blushed a little and skipped towards her, loosely wrapping her arms around her. Moira pressed a kiss on her cheek and she blushed a little more. Smiling, she peeked into the bundle of blanket squirming in Moira's arms. Moira smiled and put a hand on Felicity's shoulder. Oliver had come to stand next to her and smiled at his mom.

"Felicity, meet Thea." Moira pulled some of the blanket away from the tiny pink baby, who immediately reached out her little arms, making little grabby hands in Felicity's direction. Felicity smiled and offered her a finger. Little Thea's eyes were big and blue, just like Oliver's. She tried putting Felicity finger into her little mouth, making Felicity chuckle.

"She's so tiny." She whispered. Moira laughed and ran her free hand over Felicity's dark hair.

"I brought her a gift." Felicity said smiling and held out the package. Moira smiled and took hold of the gift.

"Thank you, Felicity. That is really sweet of you."

With some help, Moira got rid of the wrapping paper to reveal the stuffed animal. The material was extremely soft and Thea immediately reached for it.

"I think she likes it." Felicity said giggling.

"I believe she does. Would you like to hold her?" Moira asked and Felicity nodded. Scooting over, Moira patted on the edge of the bed. Felicity sat down and held out her arms, letting Moira hoist the baby into her arms. Thea made tiny squealing noises as Felicity touched her cheek. It was the softest thing she had ever felt. She looked over at Oliver and smiled. He smiled back at her and reached out to let his baby sister hold on to his finger. Moira smiled at the scene, putting a hand on Felicity's knee, stroking it softly.

Later that afternoon, Oliver and Felicity were wondering around the Queen gardens. They had stopped by the stables to feed the horses. Felicity was kind of scared of the enormous animals but after Oliver showed her how to hold her hand, horizontal and flat, she 'conquered' her fear and tried it. She squealed as the horse, named Athena and a retired show horse, licked the palm of her hand. It sent Oliver laughing, and after a minute she couldn't help but join. After their little fearsome adventure, they headed towards Oliver's tree house. He told her he had updated it quite a bit, had fixed the leak in the roof and he had new binoculars that she had to try. He promised her the view would knock her socks off.

She was so happy to spend some time with her best friend. Most days, she would just sit at home with her dad hovering over her, as if he was anxious she was gonna evaporate if he looked away. She had missed spending time with kids her age, or kids a little older, like Oliver. They sat on the little balcony, high up in the trees, sipping lemonade and taking turns looking through the binoculars.

"When do you think I'll see you again?" Oliver asked all of a sudden. Felicity had carefully neglected the subject of the possibility of them not seeing each other for at least a month. She didn't really want to think about it, because it hurt. She sighed and passed him the binoculars.

"I don't know, Oliver." She took her straw between her lips and took a sip.

He looked at her through the binoculars and smiled. She chuckled and mock-punched him in the arm, taking another sip. He lowered the binoculars into his lap and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side.

"I doesn't matter, you know. Not really. I mean, I will miss you, a lot, but it wouldn't change anything. You will still be my bestest friend."

Felicity smiled, put her cup next to her and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder. "What about your nightmares?" she asked quietly.

"I can handle them." He sat, putting on his brave face.

Truth was, they had only gotten worse since Felicity had left. It wasn't all horrible and terrifying, because he had better days and weeks and even months, like when his birthday came around and Christmas and Halloween, generally around the time he got to spend with family.

"You're my bestest friend, too." She whispered, and Oliver couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. They sat like that, talking about everything that had happened in their lives since they had last seen each other, two or three weeks ago, until the sun started to set.

"We better get going, or we won't make it back before dark." Oliver said, slowly unwrapping his arms from around Felicity.

"You're right." She nodded and straightened back up. The last time they had come back too late, her father had flipped, and she didn't want that to ruin this almost perfect day. Oliver was standing in front of her and held out both hands for her to take. She let him help her up and they started walking back towards the house. Felicity held on to Oliver's hand, his fingers wrapped around hers to keep them warm. When they reached the back-door, Oliver stopped and turned around to look at her.

"Maybe you can stay for dinner?" He asked with the smile he only used for her. She nodded and they headed inside to ask their parents, cheeks still rosy from the chill. With some pleading puppy-eyes and a nod with the tiniest of smiles from Robert, she could stay for dinner. Malcolm's day was made when Felicity smiled widely at him and wrapped her arms around him in a quick hug. He ran a hand over her hair and later that evening, he was able to put a happy and content Felicity to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading! From now on, I will do my very best to update this story as often as I can, but unfortunately I have no control over whether my brain wants to write or not, so I won't be able to promise you anything. But I will do my best! Thank you for reading and please leave a review or kudos. It is much appreciated!


	5. Cool Kids

_She sees them walking in a straight line, that's not really her style._   
_And they all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind._   
_Nothing in this world could ever bring them down._   
_Yeah, they're invincible, and she's just in the background._   
_And she says,_

_"I wish that I could be like the cool kids,_   
_'Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in._   
_I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids."_

_He sees them talking with a big smile, but they haven't got a clue._   
_Yeah, they're living the good life, can't see what he is going through._   
_They're driving fast cars, but they don't know where they're going._   
_In the fast lane, living life without knowing._   
_And he says_

_"I wish that I could be like the cool kids,_   
_'Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in._   
_I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids._   
_I wish that I could be like the cool kids,_   
_'Cause all the cool kids they seem to get it._   
_I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids."  
_

 

The first day of school was always something. The sudden sense of restrictions after three months of freedom were never considered awesome. Oliver never liked this day. If he could, he would never go back. But, today was an exception to that really not that original rule for a thirteen year-old. Today was Felicity's first day at Starling Academy, a private school just outside the city. She was only eleven, but her she had skipped a class a few years ago. Malcolm had agreed to pick up Oliver and taking them both to school today. Oliver groaned when his mother came to wake him up, two year-old Thea on her arm, pulling at her hair.

Moira managed to get her son out of bed and dressed in his uniform, which he always wore a little more casual then he had to, loose tie and dress-shirt pulled out of his pants, in time for breakfast. Raisa had prepared toast and fresh fruit to top it with. When she came into the dining room and announced that the Merlyns had arrived, Oliver nearly choked on some strawberries as he tried to finish his breakfast in record time. He kissed his mother and Thea on the cheek, grabbed his backpack and raced out the door.

"Bye mom!" He yelled from the front-door.

"Bye sweetie. Have fun. And make sure to show Felicity around. Give her a kiss from me."

Oliver rolled his eyes and smiled a little.

"I will!"

He slammed the door shut behind him and hurried towards the sleek black town-car waiting for him. When he opened to door, he immediately spotted her. But she didn't look as happy as he had expected. She wasn't smiling up at him and she wasn't bouncing on the edge of her seat like she usually did when something exciting was going to happen. Instead, she was looking at her lap, her brown hair obscuring her face while she absently twirled a strand around her finger. She looked up when she noticed Oliver getting into the car and smiled a weak little smile at him. Oliver returned the smile and closed the door behind him. He got seated and for the first time, took a proper look around the car. Mr. Merlyn was nowhere to be seen. That must be why Felicity looked so down.

"Hey Felicity." He said as he buckled himself in next to her.

"Hey Oliver." She said, smiling a little brighter. He had once explained how much he liked her name and that he would say it every chance he got. She had rolled her eyes at the time, but she secretly loved it when he said her name. He just always said it so happily, like there wasn't anything better in this world. And it suited, since her name means happiness.

"Your dad isn't coming, huh?" He said. His voice was filled with understanding and compassion, but he knew she didn't need that last bit. Even if Felicity was so tiny and seemed so fragile, she was probably one of the strongest people he knew.

She smiled again, shaking her head. "He had a last-minute meeting. Said it was really important." She said, rolling her eyes at the last part, because everything work-related seemed more important to her father than she did and she hated how she let it get to her.

Oliver nodded and squeezed her hand. The engine roared to life as Frederick started the car and drove it down the driveway. The two kids were quiet on the backseat until they got on the highway and Felicity couldn't bare the silence anymore.

"It's his loss, you know."

Smiling, Oliver looked at her from the corner of his eyes and nodded. Damn right it was. Felicity had told him multiple times that Malcolm was always telling her how he wanted to spend more time with her. She of course, and rightfully, never expected anything from him. If she got to spend time with him, fine, great even, sometimes. But if he didn't show up, or did but had some lame excuse to leave early, that would only just prove to her how much he really cared. Not that much.

"I know." Oliver said softly. "He just doesn't realize how awesome you are."

Felicity started blushing and ducked her head into Oliver's shoulder. At first, the giggles were muffled by layers of clothing, but soon Felicity's laughter filled the car. Oliver chuckled, kissing the top of her head and running his hand over her hair.

"Are you nervous?" Oliver asked as they drove past the gates of Starling Academy. Felicity pressed her lips together as she peered out the window, across the acres of green grass, neatly cropped bushes and the lake. She turned around to look at him and shrugged.

"A little I guess. I'm probably going to get lost."

Oliver smiled and shook his head. "No you won't. Where's your first class?"

She pursed her lips and reached for her backpack, a small leather number with little pockets on the front and a lot of buckles and clasps. She opened one of the pockets and pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it.

"Uhm, Homeroom in room 201 with Ms. Carson." She pointed at one of the cells in her time-table.

"She's really nice, I had her for English last year. I'll take you there and after that just stick with your classmates and you'll be fine. And you know that if you need me, you can call or text."

Felicity frowned. "But I don't even have a phone. My dad thinks I'm too young."

He started grinning and pulled a bright red Nokia from his pocket.

"That is why I got you this." He handed her the small square piece of tech. She took it from him and smiled widely, eyes lighting up behind her glasses.

"My number is on the contacts list." She laughed and reached out to hug him.

"Thank you, Oliver." She whispered, her head once again buried in his shoulder. His arms fit perfectly around her as he softly patted her back and hair. He could smell her shampoo. He had never smelled something similar to the fruity scent. He would recognize it anywhere.

Frederick stopped the car in front of the school and opened to the door for them. Quickly putting away the cell phone, Felicity thanked him like she always did, pulled her backpack over her shoulders and straightened her skirt. Oliver moved to stand next to her and gave her a wide grin. She smiled in return as he offered her his arm. She placed her hand in the crook of his elbow and together they walked, more like paraded, into the school building, up the stairs and to room 201.

"Oliver Queen. How wonderful to see you again." A female voice spoke.

In the doorway to room 201 stood Ms. Carson, Felicity's English teacher for the coming school year. She was in her late twenties, with chocolate brown hair and full, straight bangs. She wore a pencil skirt and a red polka dot cardigan with classy black heels. She was smiling, and it was probably the kindest smile Felicity had ever seen, apart from Oliver's.

"Hello Ms. Carson. How was your summer?" Oliver said.

"Good, Thank you. Who have you brought with you, today?"

Oliver grinned and looked at Felicity. "This is Felicity, she's in your class."

Blushing, Felicity smiled up at the older woman.

"Ah! Merlyn, right?"

She nodded

"Well, if you are a friend of Oliver's, I'm sure we are going to have a wonderful year. Why don't you come in and pick a seat."

Ms. Carson gestured into the room and smiled that smile again. Felicity smiled and nodded, but didn't let go of Oliver yet. He put his hand over hers in his elbow.

"Remember what I told you, okay. I'm only a text away."

Felicity nodded again, gathered all her courage and let go of Oliver's arm. She walked past Ms. Carson and picked a seat next to the window, looking over the school's rose garden. She waved at Oliver from where she was sitting one last time and started unpacking. Oliver waved back at her and smiled before turning back to Ms. Carson.

"She's a little shy, but she's really smart." Oliver said.

The teacher nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you get to class. Don't worry, I will keep an eye out for her."

His eyes widened. "You will? Because I don't want her to be lonely."

She smiled sweetly and squeezed his shoulder. "You are such a sweet boy. Please don't ever change. I will look out for her, but you really have to get to class or you are going to be late, and we wouldn't want that"

He nodded "Okay. Thank you, Ms. Carson."

"No problem. Now, go!" She gave him a little push on his back and he hurried off down the hallway, chuckling. Felicity would be fine. She already had a friend in her class, Charlotte, and once people figured out how awesome she was, she would be the most popular girl in school. He stopped at the top of the stairs. But would she forget about him if that happened? No. She wouldn't. Felicity wasn't like that. She would never abandon him like he would never abandon her. They had a pact and they had promised to always be there for each other.

Felicity turned out to be quite the social butterfly if she really wanted to be. There were a lot of slumber parties to be attended, shopping trips to be organized and ballet practices to be present at. She got back into ballet after months and months of begging her father. She tried her very best when training with him to get on his good side. Telling him how much she missed it and her friends there turned out to do the trick. Charlotte welcomed her back with open arms and introduced her to the new friends she had made there when Felicity left. The group of girls hit it off right away, which resulted in the best first two months of school Felicity could ask for. Even though she did get to spend less time with Oliver. But at the same time, when she saw him, not a second could go to waste. They had so much to tell each other, while they would usually just hang around the house, doing nothing in particular. Every second they had together was used for adventurous stories, the funniest anecdotes and a lot of general complaining about parents and teachers.

They ended up never needing to use texts for urgent back-up, luckily. More and more, they would use the phones to communicate during the day, sending little jokes back and forth. Oliver was kind of worried when he found her alone at lunch, after not having responded to his texts all day.

She was sitting alone at a table, playing with her food, occasionally glancing around, her gaze mostly gravitating towards the group of girls chatting and laughing two tables over. With his tray of food, Oliver walked over to where she was sitting, absentmindedly telling his friends were he was going. He sat down across from her. She jumped a little and looked up, smiling when she saw him.

"Oliver? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to sit with your friends?"

"Checking on my favorite girl. And they can handle a lunch without me." He said, leaning his elbows on the table and smiling softly. She blushed and shook her head.

"I'm fine, really." She took a bite of her sandwich and smiled at him.

"Really? Then why didn't you text me back all day? And why are you sitting here alone?

"Oh uh...right. Well, I might have been replying to you in class and Mr. Hendricks took it for the rest of the week."

"Owh, that's sucks. But good for you, being a little rebel for once."

She chuckled and shook her head.

"You're absolutely crazy."

"The only thing that's crazy is you sitting here all by yourself. Where are your friends? Where's Charlotte? She's nice, right?"

Felicity nodded and looked down at her food. "Charlotte is sick with the flu."

He was waiting for her, but it seemed she was dodging the other half of his question. He cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows until she looked at him.

"Felicity? What are you not telling me? And don't say…"

"Nothing."

"…Don't say nothing."

She sighed.

"Fine. Those girls are nice and all, and I do get along with them, but without Charlotte and her sarcasm here, they make me want to use my self-defense for offense."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you worry about me already and I'm perfectly fine. I don't need them to be entertained. I know you mean well, but I'm not five anymore and I can handle being on my own"

"Oh.. but I don't want you to be alone. I know how much you're alone at home and how much it sucks, and I just didn't want you to be alone here, too."

"I know, and it's why I love you, but they are my friends, friends that you sometimes have to take some distance from. Unlike you and me"

She started grinning and passed him one of her chocolate chip cookies. He rolled his eyes, smiling and gladly accepted the peace offering.

About a month later, on a Saturday afternoon, Felicity was cleaning out the new desk she had gotten for her room. It was her dad's old one from his office. She had always loved that desk, and after weeks of begging, her father gave in and had it moved to her room. It was grand and a beautiful warm brown color. It had three drawers on either side and she was dusting off each one and putting her stuff in. The second to last one would break her heart only moments later.

It wasn't hard for her to spot that something about the drawer wasn't like the others. She lowered herself so she could look inside it from eye-level. Yes. There it was. The drawer was more shallow than the others. On the inside. She knocked on the bottom and frowned. It was definitely hollow. She scrambled to her feet, socks sliding across the hardwood floor as she hurried towards her vanity, looking for a nail file.

"Yes." She said to herself when she found one, pumping her small fist in the air. She got back to the desk and jammed the file in between the false bottom and the front panel. The bottom lifted out and Felicity pulled it out with ease. Putting it aside, she peered into the newfound hiding spot. At first glance, it didn't look like anything out of the ordinary, some letters, a couple of pictures, a velvet box and another few knick-knacks.

She took out the box, smoothing her fingers over the dusty velvet. Inside it was a ring perched on the smooth inlay. She knew that ring. It was her mother's wedding ring. She smiled a little and closed the box again, putting it back in the drawer. The pictures were all of her mom and herself, and only a few included her father. Smiling, happy, in the pool, on the beach, asleep in her car-seat, her mom holding her when she was born, her dad holding her, her head resting on his shoulder, even a sonogram. A sudden sadness washed over her, a longing to the times she barely remembered. She sighed and reached for the letters.

Some were from her mom to her dad, and vice versa, but there were also an awful lot addressed to her. She flipped them around to look at the return address. They were all from the Queens, except for one. She had never received these letters, and now she was kind of getting angry. Taking a deep breath, she decided that she would have to talk to her father about this later. Because right now, she was curious as to who the last letter was from. It didn't have a return address on it, it only said 'To my daughter' on it. Now considering what else was in the drawer, she was pretty sure this letter was for her. She peeled it open, unfolding the piece of paper inside. The handwriting was elegant, and Felicity immediately recognized it as her mother's.

'To my daughter, my baby,

Even though you aren't here yet, I already cannot think of life without you. Yesterday we found out you were a girl, and your dad and I couldn't be more excited. We even bought you the cutest little pink hat we found in a little shop. I will probably go there more often, they had such adorable stuff. But, you're probably not interested in all of that.'

Felicity chuckled, babbling was one of the things she had inherited from her mother.

'I wanted to write you this letter for when you are older, to let you know how much I already loved you, and still love you, and always will love you. We haven't decided on a name yet, but I will promise you it will be beautiful and that it will represent all the happiness that having you in my life gives me.'

She understands it now, why they named her Felicity.

'I have so much to tell you, but as you can see, there is not much paper left, and I believe that there will be time for me to tell you all of the things that I won't be able to fit on here."

Or not.

'Anyways, the most important is probably that I have faith that you will be as amazing as you can possibly be. You will be beautiful, smart, funny, and have the kindest heart anyone will ever encounter. You are going to be so loved and your dad and I cannot wait to meet you, darling.

Love, mom.'

Great, now she's crying.


	6. Break Free

  


_If you want it, take it_   
_I should've said it before_   
_Tried to hide it, fake it_   
_I can't pretend anymore_

_I only wanna die alive_   
_Never by the hands of a broken heart_   
_Don't wanna hear you lie tonight_   
_Now that I've become who I really are_

_This is the part when I say I don't want you_   
_I'm stronger than I've been before_   
_This is the part when I break free_   
_'Cause I can't resist it no more_

_You were better, deeper_   
_I was under your spell_   
_Like a deadly fever, yeah, babe_   
_On the highway to hell, yeah_

_I only wanna die alive_   
_Never by the hands of a broken heart_   
_Don't wanna hear you lie tonight_   
_Now that I've become who I really are_

* * *

 

"No." She said defiantly, holding up her index-finger to emphasize her seriousness.

"No. No. No. No. No." She started shaking her head. Even though Felicity was opposing one of Malcolm's proposals, she felt more like she was trying to convince herself that this wasn't reality.

"Why not, honey? It's such a great opportunity." Malcolm looked hurt if that was even possible. If he possessed any kind of emotion.

"No." Felicity repeated.

"You'll get to visit new places, meet new people, experience a new culture."

"I said no."

Malcolm sighed and shook his head. He placed his cutlery back on his plate and leaned forward, elbows resting on the mahogany table. He sat across from her. Her arms were crossed and she was frowning. She did not like where this was going.

"Can you at least tell me why not?"

"Because."

She threw her hands up in the air in a gesture of exasperation.

"Because I don't like leaving. I don't like it when other people leave and I don't like it when I have to leave. Why can't we just stay? For once"

She knew that was a low blow. She was well aware of it and she didn't care. For once she wanted to tell her father exactly what she was thinking. She blinked back the tears stinging behind her eyes. She wasn't going to let him see her cry tonight.

"I won't leave you. Not ever."

She stared at him defiantly, arms crossed over her chest again. "Then don't go."

"I can't. You know that."

Licking her lips, she looked away and nodded. That was all the conformation she'd needed. He didn't care about her and he would just leave her on her own again.

"I get it." Except she didn't. She would never.

Malcolm sighed when Felicity turned back to look at him. "I'll be leaving tomorrow morning, If you change your mind…"

"I won't." she cut him off and averted her gaze.

She wasn't feeling hungry anymore. An angry huff of air escaped from her lips. She slammed her fork back on the table and got to her feet, stomping off to her room. She was so angry at him, hating the fact that he could still, after all that he had already done to her, hurt her so badly. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she sank down against it in a blubbering mess of tears. Her glasses were thrown across the room. She sat there crying for what felt like hours. Two short knocks on the door abruptly halted her tears. She lifted her head but didn't move away from the door. She knew who it was and she wasn't feeling like seeing him right now.

"Felicity? Are you in there."

Her eyebrows knit together as the voice did not belong to the person she was expecting to be at the other side of the door. She furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath before getting to her feet. She straightened her dress and pulled her braid over her shoulder before opening the door. Oliver was leaning against the doorpost, arm crossed over his chest, smirk in place. But that all changed when he saw her red and puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. He got to his feet, expression one of worry, eyes wide, hands extending towards her like an automated mechanism.

"What are you doing here, Oliver?" she said softly.

"Movie night, remember." He held up a bag with what she was guessing was junk food.

Her lips formed an o in realization. "Of course."

How could she have forgotten about their bi-weekly movie-night. She chastised herself as she opened the door further so he could come inside. She stepped into the room, Oliver right behind her, closing the door. She wiped at her cheeks again and took another deep breath. She turned around to see Oliver standing with his hands on his hips.

"So? Are you going to tell me what happened?"

A huff of air escaped from her lips and she took a few steps backward until the back of her legs made contact with her bed. She pulled herself onto it and looked at her best friend in the whole universe. The tears already started welling up.

"He's doing it again. He's leaving."

Before the first tear had a chance to spill across her cheek, Oliver was next to her and had hauled her small torso to his bigger one. His arms wrapped around her frame, one hand coming to rest on her hair. He kissed the top of her head and let her cry against him. Her hands clutched at his t-shirt. She clung to him like a lifeline.

After a while, the sobs died down and she nudged herself out of his hold. Her breathing was still shaky. Oliver's hands came up and took hold of her face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

"He wanted me to go with him. Can you even imagine?" She scoffed, like it was the most absurd thing in the whole of creation.

He smiled sadly at her and let one hand fall to her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. That's what she loved about Oliver. He doesn't make promises he can't keep or tries to cheer you up with words he doesn't mean.

"You can stay with us, you know that right?" He said, face serious.

Felicity nodded and smiled sadly at him. He smiled back at her and pulled her in for another hug. She wrapped her arms around his back, her head resting on his shoulder, his familiar scent calming her a little more.

When they parted, Felicity smiled a little brighter.

"I think a movie-night with my favorite person is just what I need."

Oliver chuckled and playfully kissed the top of her head. He reached for the bag he had brought, that was discarded on the floor, some of the contents, it was indeed junk food, spilling out.

"Alright, I think you deserve your chick-flick."

Felicity started grinning. Holding up his index-finger, Oliver started walking to where Felicity kept her VHS-tapes.

"But just this once." He said, taking two of the boxes off the shelf.

"Right." Felicity said, rolling her eyes.

Oliver chuckled and sat back down on the bed, holding up both cases so Felicity could pick one.

"So? Legally Blonde or Miss Congeniality?"

Felicity pursed her lips for a moment. "Legally Blonde."

Ever since the movie came out a while ago, Felicity had fallen head over heels in love with the character of Elle Woods. To stay true to yourself like she did in the story was something truly inspiring to fourteen year-old Felicity. Oliver put the tape in the player and hit play. The intro started playing, with various trailers for new movies. He got back on the bed and started unpacking the junk food from the bag. There were chocolate chip cookies, cheese puffs, twinkies, donuts, Doritos, and a few other things. Felicity chuckled. Yup, a movie night turned out to be exactly what she needed. They settled against the headboard, pillows everywhere, legs sprawled out, covered with all the different kinds of food. Felicity leaned against Oliver's side and almost as if it was a reflex, Oliver wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Elle had just won her case when Felicity started laughing.

"One day, I'm gonna go blonde." She said, or more like sounded, her mouth full with donut.

Oliver chuckled and nodded. "I can't wait to see."

"And I'll be just as awesome and smart and independent as Elle."

Oliver smiled and looked at her. "I don't doubt it."

Later that evening, Felicity had bribed Oliver into reading her a story like he always used to do when they were younger. Okay, she didn't exactly need to bribe him into doing anything, ever. A simple: "Will you read to me?" Did the trick.

"Of course. What book?" He said, getting off the bed and walking over to her enormous bookcase.

"How about Romeo & Juliet?" He asked.

Felicity shook her head. "No. Too depressive."

Oliver can't stop the chuckle from escaping from his lips. He picks a book and shuffles back to the bed. Felicity is wearing her pajama's, her hair in a high ponytail. She had also managed to talk Oliver into staying the night. He too, was in his pj's. He slid under the covers next to her.

"Beauty and The Beast. Nice." She said before snuggling into the pillows next to him. He smiled at her and started reading.

"Once upon a time . . . as a merchant set off for the market, he asked each of his three daughters what they would like as a present for when he returned. The first daughter wanted a brocade dress, the second a pearl necklace, but the third, whose name was Belle, the youngest, prettiest and sweetest of them all, said to her father:

"All I'd like is a rose you've picked specially for me!"

When the merchant had finished his business, he set off for home. However, a sudden storm blew up, and his horse could hardly make headway in the howling gale. Cold and weary, the merchant had lost all hope of reaching an inn when he suddenly noticed a bright light shining in the middle of the woods. As he drew nearer, he saw that it was a castle, bathing in light."

Before he could even finish the first chapter, Felicity had already fallen asleep. He thought about all the horrible things she had gone through and how peaceful she looked as she slept. He put the book on the nightstand and flicked the light off. He scooted down and turned on his side so he could look at her. He reached out and pulled a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She made a low humming noise and turned into his touch. Oliver often wished that he could take all her pain away, even though he knew better.

She would never truly understand what the hell was so important in Asia that her dad had to leave. Again.

About five months later, on a rainy Friday night in November, Felicity decided to live up to her promise to Oliver. She and her best girlfriend where having their annual sleep-over, hosted at the Queen Manor this year, due to the emptiness of a certain other house.

"How about red? Not like, orange-red but more like a burgundy color. That'd be cool." She asked Charlotte, flipping through the pages of her magazine, trying to find a hairstyle she liked.

"Mmmhh, I don't know." Charlotte responded. Her lips pursed.

"Why not?" Felicity put away her magazine and pulled at Charlotte's sweater. They were sprawled out on the bed, Felicity lying on her stomach, Charlotte on her back, magazines scattered across every empty flat surface.

"Because…I think blonde would look way better. Make you a little less pale."

"I'm not pale." Felicity frowned.

Charlotte sat up, brown hair falling around her face. "Yes you are. Don't try to argue with me on this one."

Felicity groaned and rolled her eyes "fine."

Smiling in victory, Charlotte takes her magazine again and starts flipping through the pages where she left of.

"so? Blonde then?" Felicity smirked as what she told Oliver months ago runs through her mind.

"definitely." Charlotte nodded and smiled.

Felicity sits up and takes hold of Charlotte's forearm. "Okay, but if I go blonde, you'll have to dye it that darker color that you're always going on and on about."

"Ms. Merlyn, you got yourself a deal."

They smile at each other for a second before squealing and falling back against the pillows. The next day, they go to the best hairdresser in town.

"Wow." Oliver said as he stepped into the living-room.

Felicity whipped her head around and smirked at him. Little Thea giggled, covering her mouth with her tiny hands.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Felicity?"

She chuckled and scooted over on the couch, patting beside her for him to come sit. A tiny blush had crept onto her cheeks as she realized he had called her 'his Felicity'.

"Isn't she pretty?!" Thea squealed from Felicity's other side.

"She's always been pretty." Oliver said with a wink in Felicity's direction as he sat down next to her. She blushed and nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Cheeseball."

Laughing, Oliver takes a strand of newly dyed blonde hair between his fingers and purses his lips. Felicity looks as him in expectation. He had always loved her long brown locks but there was something about the new blonde hair that was extremely attractive. No. Stop. He couldn't be thinking like this. Felicity was fourteen, and like a sister to him. And he and Laurel were finally going somewhere. (they weren't. it would take those two another year to become a couple.) The seconds pass by until Felicity can't take it anymore and she pulls Oliver out of his reverie.

"You don't like it." Her smile faded away.

Oliver's eyes went wide. "No! No, I do like it. A lot actually."

Her face lit up again and she chuckled. "Really?"

"Really. It suits you."

"Thank you very much, cheeseball." Felicity said, her patented smirk in place. They laugh in unison, and Thea joins in even though she had probably no idea what was going on.

"What's a cheeseball?" She asks suddenly in her high-pitched voice.

Felicity chuckles and looks at Oliver. She lifts her eyebrows in expectation.

"You're the big brother, you explain it."

Oliver scoffs and turns to his baby sister. "Well, Speedy, you call someone a cheeseball when you really care about them and love them very much."

Thea smiles and giggles as Oliver winks at Felicity. She blushes and starts laughing. Thea ends up calling everyone a cheeseball for at least a couple of months.

* * *

outfits: [x](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=136916517&.locale=nl), [x](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=136915200&.locale=nl), [x](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=136916730&.locale=nl) & [x](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=136915295&.locale=nl)


	7. Help Me Lose My Mind

__

_Talk to me and watch me crumble_   
_You will see me come undone_   
_Faithfully I will look over_   
_There I'll find what you've become_   
_(What you've become)_

_You help me lose my mind_   
_And you bring me something I can't define_   
_Help me lose my mind, make me wonder_   
_What I felt before_   
_Keep biding my time,_   
_How much longer?_   
_Who've I been waiting for_

_Jealousy will be washed over_   
_Carefully we look on through_   
_Could it be easy to start over?_   
_Somehow I will bring you too_   
_(What you've become)_

_You help me lose my mind_   
_And you bring me something I can't define_   
_Help me lose my mind, make wonder_   
_What I felt before_   
_Keep biding my time,_   
_How much longer?_   
_Who've I been waiting for_

* * *

 

If there was something Felicity could appreciate from time to time, it was a good book. That combined with the sounds of the fireplace crackling, Thea coloring at the coffee table in front of the couch she was sitting on and the pitter-patter of the rain against the windows. Today was one of the days she got to enjoy the peace and quiet. She took a sip of her tea and turned the page of her book: The Great Gatsby. Of course, it wasn't long before her moment got interrupted. Due to the large open foyer, voices could be heard from upstairs. One was definitely Oliver's, and the other, a sweet melodious one. Felicity put her cup back on the coffee-table as she heard the two descending the stairs. She turned around on the couch to try and catch a glimpse of Oliver's guest. The long brown hair was the first thing that had caught Felicity's attention. She was sure she had seen that hair, that was almost to shiny and almost to perfect, somewhere before. The girl was laughing at something Oliver had said. Oliver was obviously taken by the girl and Felicity got to her feet, discarding her book next to her cup of tea. She pulled at her socks that were slipping down her leg, straightened her skirt and walked towards the foyer. Her curiosity got the better of her and she just had to know what kind of girl had caught Oliver's eye. She grinned from ear to ear, crossing her arms over chest and leaning against the column at the bottom of the stairs. Oliver had his back to her, but his guest noticed her just before she cleared her throat.

"Oh! Hello." She said, the initial shock fading from her features, a soft smile taking its place. There was no doubt she was pretty. Bright eyes and killer cheekbones. She was dressed rather plainly, simple jeans paired with a dotted sweater and red converse.

Felicity grinned. "Hi."

Oliver whipped his head around, eyebrows raised as he took in Felicity.

"Hey. I thought you went shopping with Charlotte?" He said, head slightly tilted to the side.

"I cancelled. Thought I spend some quality time with Thea."

Oliver nodded and smiled. They were silent for a moment until Felicity rolled her eyes.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" She gestured at the girl standing awkwardly next to Oliver. Her cheeks were flushed and her bottom lip was tucked in between her teeth.

"Oh! Right! Felicity, this is Laurel Lance. She's helping me study for finals." He gestured at the brunette.

"Laurel, Felicity Merlyn." Felicity made a tiny wave with her hand and smiled.

"Felicity has been living here since we were children. She's practically my sister."

Laurel smiled and nodded. Felicity rolled her eyes. Of course Oliver had to point out that Felicity would not be a threat to his and Laurel's budding relationship. Sometimes he could be so insecure. It wasn't that he wasn't the closest thing to a brother she had, but her feelings for him sometimes ventured into dangerous parts of attraction. Not that she would ever act on them or anything. Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted as she remembered where she had seen Laurel before.

"You're Sara's sister, right? She's in my English class, she told me you two transferred from Starling High."

"Yes, I am. And yes we did, a few weeks ago. Good to see she has already made a friend." Laurel smiled

Felicity chuckled softly. "We have fun."

"I'm glad." She said as Raisa walked in holding Laurel's red parka and helped her into it. Laurel thanked her and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Have a safe trip home, miss Lance." Raisa said and Laurel thanked her again. The older woman softly touched Felicity's cheek when she walked past her. Felicity smiled and her gaze followed her as she left the room.

"It was nice to meet you, Felicity, but I really have to leave, my dad is waiting in the car." Laurel said, pointing to the door with her thumb.

"Good to meet you too." Felicity said with a soft smile.

Laurel turned to face Oliver and started blushing. "Bye." She said, her voice suddenly a lot softer. She smiled brighter than she had all the time Felicity had known her. Felicity couldn't help the roll of her eyes as she noticed the goofy grin on Oliver's face as he said goodbye to Laurel and saw her out. He leaned against the door after he closed it behind her, crossing his arms over his chest, mirroring the way Felicity was standing.

"So?" She said, pushing off the column, walking towards the center table in the foyer, fingers running of the various photo frames. Most of them held pictures of the Queens, but she was included in quite a few of them too.

"Is she going to be your girlfriend?" She said with a teasing grin.

Oliver scoffed and walked towards her. "Maybe, I don't know."

"The stupid grin on your face tells me you know exactly what you want." She said, looking up at him and twirling her index-finger around, pointing in the direction of his face.

"Fifteen years old and the wisdom of someone twice her age. When did that happen?"

Felicity rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Oh please, we both know that one, I'm a genius and two, your face is like an open book. Especially to me."

Oliver nodded and gave in. He started smiling again. "She's funny, smart, and she isn't one of those girls who act all crazy around me just because of my name, do you know what I mean?"

"I do."

"What do you think? She's nice right? Do you like her?"

Felicity frowned at the sudden wave of questions thrown at her. "Oliver Queen, are you asking me if you have my blessing to date her?"

His eyes went wide. "No!...maybe….Yes?

Felicity started laughing, clutching at her stomach. "You're such a big doofus."

"Yeah, you've told me that multiple times."

"And unsurprisingly, it still holds up." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Yes, but just tell me, do you like her?' He raised his eyebrows and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Oliver! I spent less than five minutes with the girl!"

"Oh come on, you have a knack for these things." He pleaded, pushing his bottom lip out and using his puppy-eyes. Felicity rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Fine. Uhmm, I guess she looks nice, doesn't spend too much time on her appearance, and she is definitely not one of your crazy stalkers. If she's helping you study, she must be smart, and she got into Starling Academy so another point on the smart tally."

"That's actually a funny story." Oliver said, chuckling softly.

Felicity raised her eyebrows and stared up at him. "Oh do tell."

"Okay, so the Academy wanted her so bad they offered her a scholarship. She does all this extracurricular stuff that they apparently needed her for. She refused, and told them that she would only consider it if they gave her and her sister a full ride. And that's what happened."

"Wow. So she really is that smart." Felicity looked impressed and nodded her head.

"Yeah. She's going to make a great lawyer." Oliver smiled brightly. He put an arm around her shoulders and they started walking towards the living room where Thea was finishing up on her drawing.

"Are you sure you can handle that? She's probably going to win all the arguments, you know." Felicity joked, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow.

"I can handle it. I'll have my good looks and endless charm to win her over."

Felicity burst into laughter as the fell back on the couch.

Laurels persuasion skills would prove themselves over and over again. Not only in her relationship with Oliver, but also in her budding friendship with Felicity. Despite the age gap of two years, Laurel soon learned that she wasn't the only smart woman in Oliver's life. That made her only like Felicity more. The feeling was mutual, because Felicity found in Laurel someone who she could talk to about a lot of things she couldn't talk about to the girls in her year. And that was something because she already was a year younger than everyone in her year.

It was the night of Oliver's eighteenth birthday party. Laurel, Felicity, Charlotte and Sara had decided that they would get ready together. They were scattered across Felicity's bedroom at the Queen Mansion, the party already raging on in the backyard. Felicity sat in front of her vanity as Laurel was braiding her hair. Charlotte was painting Sara's nails a bright red color that matched the flowers on her dress. Sara was humming along to a song that could be heard from outside.

"So? You got your eye on anyone?" Laurel asked as she reached around Felicity to grab a hair elastic. Felicity's eyes widened.

"What? Me? No. I haven't even had my first kiss yet. Not that I'm a prude or anything, I'm just highly selective. I'm gonna stop talking now." Felicity closed her eyes, the blush already spreading across her cheeks.

Laurel finished the second braid and frowned.

"Why not? You're pretty, and smart and nice. Who wouldn't want to date you?"

"There are some pretty decent potential candidates out there. Carter Bowen, Max Fuller."

"Uhm yeah, Max is mine." Charlotte raised her hand and pointed at herself.

Felicity laughed and looked at Laurel through the mirror in front of her.

"She's had a crush on him since we were like, twelve or something."

Laurel chuckled and pinned the two braids together at the back of Felicity's head.

"And Carter Bowen is a pretentious douche-face." Sara said as she pulled up her nose in mild disgust.

"Yeah, Lis, What about Ronnie Raymond? He has been awfully nice to you the last couple of weeks. He likes you." Charlotte chimed in, grinning from ear to ear.

"Ooh! He's cute!" Sara laughed. "You should totally get with him, think of the totally adorable babies."

"Yes!" Charlotte's eyes widened as she grabbed Sara's wrists and laughed with her. Laurel shook her head and patted Felicity's shoulder.

"All done." She said.

"Thanks." Felicity smiled at Laurel. " And do you guys even know that he's way too old for me." She rolled her eyes.

Laurel pursed her lips. "Two years is nothing. Sometimes I wish Oliver was a little older. He can be a little immature sometimes."

"Ugh, I know right." Felicity groaned and rolled her eyes.

"But, I like him anyway, and if I never would have given the idiot a chance, I would have never known that."

"So what? You think I should give Ronnie a chance?" Felicity glanced around the room and all three of the girls nodded.

Downstairs, the music was blasting and probably half of Starling City's teenage population was dancing in the Queen backyard. Oliver was standing at the bar with a couple of his friends. They were all raging on about how badass and awesome this party was. Oliver took a sip of his beer. Yes, the party was out of this world but he hadn't seen Laurel or Felicity yet, and he really wanted his favorite girls at his side to celebrate his birthday.

"So? How are things with you and Laurel?" Max asked, taking a sip of whatever he was drinking. Whatever it was, it probably had a high percentage of alcohol in it.

"They're good. Great, actually."

"You two sealed the deal, yet?" Carter pressed, wiggling his eyebrows.

Ronnie rolled his eyes and fished an hors d'oeuvre from the plate a passing waiter was holding. Oliver scoffed and shook his head.

"We've been together for three weeks. I really like her, I don't want to literally screw this up."

"Boring. I know I would have already hit that." Carter said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the bar.

"Yes, and how long do your relationships usually last, Carter?" Max said, chuckling under his breath. Carter muttered something neither of them could make out.

"I think it's a good thing, Oliver." Ronnie said. Oliver looked at him in surprise. Ronnie never really had been the one to give advice or talk about feelings, but Oliver was intrigued as to what his friend was going to say.

"There's no fun in rushing things. Everything will happen when it is the right time. She will let you know when she's ready, trust me."

"Damn Ron. Since when are you such a romantic." Max laughed, taking another sip of his poison. Ronnie shrugged. Oliver supposed he was right, though.

As if on cue, the four girls stepped out on the terrace, scanning the crowd for familiar faces. Oliver waved at them from the bar, also making Carter's, Max' and Ronnie's heads swivel around and take in the group of beautifully looking girls. Carter made a whistling sound as they approached. Felicity had her arm hooked through Charlotte's as she was talking about something with only the enthusiasm Felicity had, waving her hands around and smiling so much her face must hurt. Laurel walked up front, a skip in her step as she hurried towards him. She pecked him on the lips when she reached him, hands coming to rest on his shoulders.

"Happy birthday." She said with a bright smile on her face.

Oliver smiled back at her, but couldn't help looking around her to where Felicity stood, a big smile gracing her lips, head tilted to the side. She rushed towards him, kissing him on the cheek and wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around her tiny torso and he swayed her from side to side.

"Congratulations, Oliver." She said when he finally let go of her.

"Thank you." He said, touching her cheek as he smiled brightly at her.

Both Sara and Charlotte came to congratulate him too, but were soon whisked away to the dance floor by Carter and Max. The remaining four ordered some drinks, Felicity the only one who wasn't in for anything containing alcohol, so she went with a coke. They chatted for a while, cracking jokes about how Oliver would now be charged as an adult if he would ever get in trouble with the cops again, talking about how old he was getting, spotting fake grey hair and a lot of laughing in general. Roughly half an hour later, as Felicity started to warm up at the idea of Ronnie Raymond, Laurel dragged Oliver towards the dance floor. He hated dancing, but Laurel was well aware that this would give them a chance to spend some time together. Felicity glared at her as she walked away, looking back to wink at her. Ronnie was a nice guy, but Felicity hated being put on the spot like that. It made her nervous, a blush already on her cheeks.

"You wanna go for a walk?" Ronnie asked her and she nodded before her brain could even register what going for a walk could even mean. Ronnie held out his arm, and with a smile, Felicity hooked her arm through his. They walked for a while, until the music wasn't as loud, and they could actually hear themselves as they talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Felicity discovered that they had quite a lot in common. They liked the same movies, knew a thing or two about computers, both coffee addicts, both night owls. She started to like him and before she knew it, they had walked around the entire garden, and were back at the house. They were standing at the edge of the pool, the party a couple of yards away.

"My friends are convinced that you like me. You know, like like me. Is that true?" She wrapped her arms around herself and looked up at him. He was at least a foot taller than she was, towering over her.

Ronnie frowned and then smiled softly. "Well, don't look so surprised."

Felicity's eyes widened a little. "So it's true?"

Ronnie shrugged and stepped closer to her. "Yeah. It's true. I like you even more after our walk, actually." He smiled as the blush turned her cheeks pink.

"Felicity. You are so pretty, and you're smart and funny, and hearing you ramble is the cutest thing ever."

Felicity scoffed softly. "Really?"

He nodded and took another step closer, reaching for her hand. "Really."

And then he was bending down and softly pressing his lips to hers. As if on instinct, her eyes fell shut and she reached up onto the tips of her toes to get closer to him. The hand that wasn't still holding hers fell to the back of her neck, angling her face towards his. The kiss wasn't like anything Felicity had ever experienced before. Which was quite obvious because she hadn't actually kissed before that night. She felt tingling in her stomach that must have been the butterflies everyone was always talking about. She didn't know how long they had been standing there, lip-locking until they were rudely interrupted by none other than the birthday boy.

"What the hell?!" Oliver exclaimed.

Felicity whipped her head around to see him stalking towards them, a murderous expression on his face. "Oliver!"

"This is your idea of not rushing things, huh?! Of letting her come to you!?" He yelled, stepping past Felicity, completely ignoring her, and angrily grabbing the front of Ronnie's t-shirt.

"Calm down, man! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Ronnie yelled, trying to get out of Oliver's grip, but he wouldn't let go.

"What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with you to think you can just go around kissing girls as you please, huh? Kissing my Felicity?! She is FIFTEEN!"

"You don't think she can make her own decisions?" Ronnie bit back.

"Oliver! Stop it! Right now! Let go of him!" Felicity managed to get in between the two guys, her hands on Oliver's chest, trying to push him away. Finally, her words reached him in his anger and he let go of Ronnie's shirt. He met Felicity's gaze for a moment, who was clearly not happy before turning to Ronnie and asking him if he was okay. He nodded and straightened his shirt.

"Come on, we're leaving." Felicity said, turning on her heel and walking away.

Oliver stared at Ronnie for a moment who glared at him.

"What the hell, man?" Ronnie said, brow furrowed as he turned to follow Felicity.

That was it. Oliver lunged forward and pushed Ronnie into the pool. He was stalking away before he could see or hear Felicity's reaction.

The next day, he woke up with a pounding headache, sore muscles and a sour taste in his mouth. Worst hangover ever. And that was without the enormous amount of guilt he felt added into the mix. He somehow managed to get dressed and get some sustenance into his stomach before he found himself walking back and forth in front of Felicity's bedroom door. What was he supposed to say to her. That he was sorry? He wasn't. That he wouldn't do it again? He couldn't make any promises like that. That it was the alcohol? That was mostly true.

He finally gathered up the courage to actually knock on her door. She didn't answer the first time, so he knocked again.

"Felicity. Please open up, I know you're in there. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry about what exactly?" She said sharply as she opened the door, her expression on of disgust and anger.

A relieved sigh escaped from his lips. At least she was willing to hear him out. "I'm sorry for ruining your night?"

She frowned. "And what about Ronnie's? Are you sorry you pushed him into the pool?"

He sighed again and shook his head. "No, I'm not."

"Well, you should be." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"He had his hands on you where they weren't supposed to be!" Oliver argued.

Felicity stepped closer to him, angrily poking her index-finger into his chest.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't mind?!"

Oliver was quiet for a moment, taking in the tiny blonde yelling at him. The thought had honestly never occurred to him. He started shaking his head, running his hands along his face.

"No. It didn't. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry, Felicity. I just wanted to protect you. I thought he was doing something that you weren't ready for and I care about you too much to have someone hurt you if I can do something about it. Because I don't want you to get hurt and I definitely don't want you to do anything you're not ready for. You're too important to me."

Felicity's mouth hung open for a second before she closed it again and collected herself after the emotional bomb he had just dropped on her, and in, usually her, rambling style.

"Oliver. I actually really like him." She smiled softly and tilted her head to the side.

"You do?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

She nodded and shrugged. "Yeah. He's sweet and we have a lot in common."

"Huh. I never would have guessed."

"Not that he's ever going to want to get near me again if every time he does you are going to harass him."

Oliver ran a hand over his face. "Oh god, Felicity, I'm so sorry. I will apologize to him, I promise."

"Yeah, you better."

 

* * *

 

Outfits: [meeting Laurel](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=138107361&.locale=nl), [the girls at the party](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=138107813&.locale=nl), [the guys at the party](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=138109557&.locale=nl) & [Oliver's and Felicity's talk](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=138109658&.locale=nl)


	8. Child

 

_What is this about?_   
_Where is everybody going?_   
_What am I doing here?_   
_Can't separate what I really need to know and_   
_What I just want to hear_   
_Maybe I'm alone maybe everybody's lost too_   
_Looking for their own way out_   
_Maybe I don't know maybe I don't even want to_   
_Just don't want to be let down_   
_There is no sureness, I kind of just stumble along_   
_There must be purpose in trying to keep on_

_What do I know? I'm a child_   
_Just trying to talk like a mother does_   
_Seeing life come and go all the time_   
_It's never as long as you wish it was_   
_Maybe I'm still trying to see like a child does_

_And I always feel like I did when I was younger_   
_Can't talk sense into me_   
_How do you decide when to know or how to wonder_   
_Or how to just get free_   
_There's no certainty, I kind of just stumble along_   
_Doesn't bother me, I'm trying to keep on_

_What do I know? I'm a child_   
_Just trying to talk like a mother does_   
_Seeing life come and go all the time_   
_It's never as long as you wish it was_   
_Maybe I'm still trying to see like a child does_

_I seen both sides and felt it all_   
_I'm not a child anymore but I can't stand in here_   
_The way I did when I was a kid_

* * *

 

Out of the four chairs in the otherwise empty hallway, three were occupied by sixteen year-olds. Two blondes and a brunette. Felicity, Charlotte and Sara had been called to the principal's office after an incident that involved the three of them. They had received their punishment and were now waiting for their parents, or guardians to pick them up. Felicity groaned and slid down in her chair, resting her head against the wall.

"I didn't even like it. It's pretty disgusting."

Charlotte and Sara groaned in unison as a response. The three were silent for a moment before exchanging looks and bursting into laughter. Laughter that was oh so rudely interrupted.

"Felicity Meghan Rebecca Merlyn."

Felicity sat up. It was not Moira's soft melodious voice that called her name. And not principal Fitzgerald's monotone one either. No, before her stood none other than Malcolm Merlyn. She hadn't seen him in months, and yet it did not surprise her that he would choose a moment like this to get back from wherever the hell in the world he spent most of his days. Felicity sighed and slumped back into her chair in between Charlotte's and Sara's.

"Dad. Hello to you too."

She started pulling at a loose thread hanging from the bottom of her uniform skirt.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself young lady?"

Felicity looked to her left. Sara lifted her shoulders and pursed her lips. She turned back to look at her father and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yeah. What are you doing here?"

Malcolm frowned and scoffed.

"Who do you think they called when my daughter was caught skipping class and smoking on school grounds?!"

Felicity rolled her eyes and muttered 'oh, please' Under her breath. Charlotte couldn't stifle the chuckle that escaped from her lips. She was immediately quiet as Malcolm glared at her.

"Ah! Mr. Merlyn! I'm glad you could come in on such short notice." Principal Fitzgerald had emerged from the dark hole that was his office. He shook hands with Malcolm.

"Not a problem. Especially not when it concerns my daughter."

Felicity rolled her eyes and scoffed, elbowing Charlotte. The two men ignored her.

"Miss Merlyn and I have already discussed her punishment. As you understand cutting class and the use of tobacco will not be taken lightly and She will be attending detention for the rest of the week."

Malcolm nodded. "I understand and I agree with your decision."

"Very well then. That's all I needed to know." Principal Fitzgerald spoke.

He turned to Felicity. "You are free to go, Miss Merlyn. We'll see you tomorrow."

Felicity nodded and sighed. "Bye." She said softly, turning to both Charlotte and Sara before she stood up and started walking towards the exit. Malcolm caught up with her easily, but she didn't look at him as he started walking by her side. Her expression blank, she pushed through the front door of the school. She didn't want to talk to him, at all. She didn't even want him here. She hadn't even thought of the possibility of him even being close enough to even get to her this fast. He may be her father, but he was not her guardian. He wasn't there when her mother died, he wasn't there when she started going through puberty and she didn't want him here now. Felicity whispered a thank you when Frederick the driver opened the car-door for her. She slid inside and took a seat next to the window. She managed to ignore him for twenty minutes. They had made it onto to highway when he had made her snap.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" She yelled, fire in her eyes.

"No, Felicity, I certainly am not. What you did was wrong and you need to suffer the consequences."

"It was one cigarette!" She threw her hands up in exasperation.

"You deliberately missed you classes!" Malcolm countered.

Felicity glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm taking you home. You can go get your stuff tomorrow after detention."

"What?! No! Dad, please." She straightened in her seat, lunging forward, hands once again thrown up in the air.

"Felicity! I am sick and tired of you acting out. This needs to stop, and this is going to be the first of many changes. End of discussion."

Truth be told, this definitely wasn't the first time she had gotten in trouble. The principal had even threatened to expel her the next time she pulled a stunt like that. It would only be a matter of time, really. Felicity's breathing became heavier and she could feel the wetness welling up in her eyes. She was well aware that her father was not a nice man, he didn't say nice things but he had never, in the almost sixteen years that she had walked the earth, ever yelled at her like that. She clenched her jaw and looked out the window the rest of the way to her new/old home.

She stomped her way upstairs and slammed her bedroom door behind her. She let herself fall down, head first, onto her king sized bed and groaned in frustration. She laid there for a while, not minding the quiet, contemplating her life choices. She was angry, but she realized the anger was mostly directed at herself. After all, she was the one who got in trouble and thus set the following events in motion. She turned around to lie on her back and ran a hand over her face in exasperation. After taking a few breaths she reached for her bag and started rummaging through it until she found the object she was looking for: her cellphone. She typed in an all too familiar number and hit dial. She fell back onto her bed and waited.

"Hi! You've reached Ronnie Raymond's voice mail. Sorry, but I'm not available right now, please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Felicity sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, waiting for the beep to come.

"Hey, Ronnie, It's me. I know you're probably really busy with school, but I've been having one hell of a crappy day and I could really use your advice. I really hope I'll get to see you over Christmas break. You're coming back to Starling right? I mean, of course you are, you have to spend Christmas at home. Ugh, sorry, don't mind me. I just really wanted to hear your voi-"

She got cut off before she could finish her sentence. She groaned. She pressed the end button and stared at the phone for a while. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and she furiously wiped it away. She shouldn't be angry at him for not picking up, but she kinda was. Okay, maybe not angry, more like really upset. She hadn't seen Ronnie in weeks and they had only had a few brief phone conversations since then. She couldn't blame him, though. he was off to college in Central City and he was probably just busy with classes and making friends. He had to be, she didn't want him to miss out on all of that just because she wanted his attention. Another tear slipped into her hair as she realized how selfish that would be. But she just missed him so much. He was her boyfriend and she deeply cared for him. Their relationship probably wouldn't last, but she didn't care, because right now, he was all she needed, and maybe someone who could pick up their phone. She reached for her phone again and dialled a different, but none the less familiar, maybe even more familiar number. It took Oliver three rings to pick up.

"Felicity! To what do I owe this pleasure!" Apparently that's how he answered the phone nowadays. Felicity was already feeling better at the mere sound of his voice, and the excitement evident in it.

"Oliver! I'm so glad you picked up!" She sighed in relief and smiled a little.

"What?! Why? Did something happen? Are you hurt?" The excitement quickly faded into worry.

"No, Oliver, calm down. I just really needed someone to talk to."

"Oh thank god. I was afraid I was going to need to kick someone's ass. Alright, I have ears and they work fine, so talk." Relief washed over him and within seconds, he was back to his happy self.

"My dad's back in town." She muttered.

"Oh. Huh. Didn't expect that one. Especially after last time's fallout." He was right. She hadn't expected him to come back so soon. She had refused to move back in with him and that combined with her new hair color had made him snap. She had been so angry about how he was always trying to dominate her life and she told him to go, and never come back. Malcolm had stomped out, slamming the mansion's front door shut behind him and she had truly believed he wouldn't come back. Boy had she been wrong.

"I swear I haven't seen him this angry since I dyed my hair."

Oliver winced. "Geez. What the hell did you do?"

"It was nothing. Charlotte, Sara and I cut one class and may have smoked one disgusting cigarette. Not that I'm ever doing that again." Felicity rolled her eyes and let a huff of air escape from her lips. She was still convinced the adults were extremely overreacting.

"Good. You shouldn't, it's bad for you. Remind me to scold you on that one when I come visit."

"Can't wait." She said, sarcasm in her voice.

"Hey now Merlyn, don't get too excited." She could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't stop herself from cracking one too.

"I won't. He's making me move back in with him." Felicity started fidgeting with the bottom of her skirt, trying to distract herself from the tears stinging behind her eyes.

"What?! But how am I going to spend all of my time in Starling with you if you're not ten feet away from me anymore?" Oliver said and she started chuckling.

"You're going to have make a 20 minute drive every time you wanna whisk me away."

"What a waste of time, and money, and not to mention a perfectly good bedroom at the mansion." Oliver groaned.

"I know right."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure to get you out of that hell hole as often as I can." A soft smile crept up on her lips. He always managed to do that somehow. In the worst of times, when she was feeling particularly sad or whatever, Oliver was always the one who could get her to crack a smile.

"Thanks Oliver. You're my hero."

"And don't I know it." He was smiling again, she could feel it.

"Hey, how's Harvard? How many frat parties were you invited to again?"

"Only all of them." He laughed.

"And it's way too boring without you." She sighed and shook her head.

"Yeah, well, Fitzgerald is never going to let me graduate early after today."

"That sucks." He said.

"Yeah, but on the other hand, gives me more time to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life."

"I'm sure you'll find something that you'll enjoy doing. And don't let your dad force you into something like mine did." Robert had made sure his son would go to an ivy-league university, despite his average GPA and SAT scores, by donating and enormous amount of money in the name of charity. Oliver and Felicity both knew Robert only wanted the best for his son and meant no harm, but he had forgotten to ask Oliver what he wanted.

"Oliver. Please don't drop out. Just give it a shot. For me?" She pleaded.

"I am giving it a shot. I'm sitting in the lecture hall as we speak, my class is about to start."

She scoffed in surprise and smiled. "Wow! You're actually attending! I'm proud of you."

"Ha-ha. Very funny Merlyn. I'll call you back later, okay? I love you. Hang in there."

"Love you too. Bye." She was smiling as she pressed the end button and let go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding.

She hadn't missed how easily the three little words had slipped from her lips. Her relationship with Ronnie wasn't even at that point yet. She closed her eyes as the implication of the words ran through her head. It wasn't that it wasn't true, but it would never mean anything more than platonic love. It hurt a little, but she wouldn't want to change it. What she had with Oliver was good, great even, and she feared that if one of them would cross that line, the relationship that they had built would crumble to pieces. It was not worth it and she wasn't the only one who thought about it that way. It took Oliver twenty minutes to finally gather his thoughts and start paying attention to what his professor was saying.

Time passed, Christmas came rolling around, gifts were exchanged and Felicity had the best two weeks she could ask for. Her dad allowed her to spend Christmas with the Queens, and even came to have dinner with them. She got to spend a couple of days with Ronnie, including new year's eve, in which they shared their new year's kiss. She gave him a watch as a belated Christmas gift. He gave her a beautiful pair of earrings. Other than that, she spent some days with Sara and Charlotte and the rest of the time was mostly hogged by Oliver. Which didn't really come as a surprise. The day he had come back to Starling, he was standing on her doorstep. He confessed to her that he and Laurel were taking a break (the first of what would be many, but they didn't know that yet.) They had an all you can eat Christmas movie marathon, laughing until they cried, falling asleep in each other's arms on the couch, covered in popcorn and other kinds of junk-food. But, unfortunately, good things have to end, and as the end of the holiday season came around, goodbyes had to be said, and everybody had to get back to their normal lives.

As the days went by, Felicity's birthday came closer and closer. She was turning sixteen, but wasn't particular excited about it. Her das wouldn't let her get her driver's permit, because, in his words, there was no need for it because she had a driver, and she could always get it later when she wasn't so swamped with school work. She knew he just didn't want her to be able to get away at any moment she desired. Another main reason she wasn't that excited was because her boyfriend wouldn't be able to get back to the city to celebrate with her. He would have midterms and couldn't miss that. She could understand, but it still made her a little sad.

She sighed and stepped out of the small fitting room. This was the third dress she had tried on today. A black shift dress with embellishments and sleeves that stopped halfway down her forearm. She had already tried on a black halter dress and a fitted pink one with cap sleeves, but she didn't like them. They weren't 'her'. Moira smiled at her from the little futon she was sitting on as she slowly twirled around to show of the garment. Thea clapped and beamed at her. Felicity looked at herself in the mirror and pulled her hair over one shoulder.

"You look so pretty." Thea said, still smiling.

"It's true. It's a lovely dress, dear." Moira said, putting a hand on Thea's shoulder and smiling at Felicity through the mirror.

Felicity returned the smile and turned back around to face them. It was true, the dress was gorgeous, but it just wasn't it.

"Hmm…I'm not sure. It's not exactly what I was looking for. It's a little too dark, I guess." She shrugged and bit her lower lip.

Moira nodded and pursed her lips for a moment before turning to Thea and whispering something in her ear. Thea's face lit up and without another word she rushed off, back into the store. Felicity quirked an eyebrow at Moira but the woman just shrugged it off.

"Why don't you try that navy one, I'll bet you that one suits you better."

With her eyebrows still raised in confusion, Felicity nodded.

"Alriiiiight." She said, dragging out the word before disappearing back into the fitting room and changing into the navy dress Moira had fallen in love with. It had a flare skirt and off-the-shoulder straps that nicely showed off her collarbones. She smiled at herself in the mirror. Ronnie would love this dress on her. She quickly shook away that thought and emerged from the fitting room again. Sighing, she smiled at Moira, who had a smug grin plastered on her face as she took Felicity in. She knew she had been right about the dress.

"It's gorgeous. Of course." Felicity said, tipping her head forward and peeking at Moira through her lashes.

"Oh I know." Moira nodded in agreement and chuckled.

"But, I want you to try something. I asked Thea to go pick out a dress she thinks would be perfect for you."

She stood up and turned around, looking for the eight year-old running through the boutique.

"Thea? Sweetheart, did you find one?" She called out and within seconds, Thea skidded to a stop holding not one, but two dresses. A bright smile on her face and a heaving chest. She did a lot of running. Felicity smiled at the sight.

"Yeah, I picked this one." She held up a beige skater dress with a pattern on it in blue and red and a trim at the bottom. "But then I saw this one, and I just had to take it with me. It's so colorful, it reminded me of you and then I forgot to put this one back."

Felicity stepped off the little podium and made her way to Thea, taking hold of the dress the girl had fallen in love with.

"Thea. I love you. But are you sure?" She asked, brows knitted together.

Thea nodded. "One hundred percent."

Moira came to stand behind her daughter and put a hand on Felicity's shoulder. "Try it, dear."

Felicity scoffed and nodded. "Why not." She said smiling at Thea and taking hold of the dress. She made her way back into the fitting room and Thea called after her.

"Don't peek before you show us!"

Felicity chuckled but was still unsure of how this crazy concoction of colors would be her perfect birthday dress. She figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot. She had some trouble with the zipper, but other than that, the dress fit perfectly. The material was soft as she ran her fingers over the skirt. She opened the door to the fitting room and poked her head through. Thea and Moira looked at her expectantly and she moved to show them the dress. The big smiles on their faces should have told her all that she needed to know. Moira put a hand over her heart and sighed.

"Oh Felicity. This is the one. You look so beautiful." She said, running a hand over Thea's hair. All the little girl could do was stare. Eyes wide and nodding furiously at what her mother had said. Felicity licked her lips and turned around to look at herself in the mirror. Her hands flattened over her stomach.

A round neckline topped the dress above a sleeveless darted bodice, different hues of yellow green and orange with hints of pink and blue created a captivating floral pattern with cloudy and blurred outlines. Pleats at the waist continued down to add extra flare to the skirt. She gasped and started smiling.

"Thea, you are a genius! You're going shopping with me every time from now on."

Thea started giggling, blushing a little, and both Felicity and Moira couldn't help but join in.

On the day before her birthday, the dress was hanging on one of the hooks on her bedroom wall. She couldn't help glancing at it every few minutes. She had to finish a paper she was not feeling like writing and she was just too damn excited to see everybody. She glanced at her watch. 5 pm. She groaned. Too early to have dinner but too late to grab a bite, because she would spoil her appetite. She tried to type some more words but she knew all that was coming out would be rubbish. She frowned when she heard the two short knocks on her door and sat up on her bed.

"Come in." She called out.

The door opened, a smiling Oliver stepping inside. Felicity beamed at him, jumped off the bed and ran into his arms.

"Oliver! What are you doing here?"

"I can't wish my favorite blonde a happy birthday?" He asked, sly grin curving his lips. He was dressed in a navy blue suit, the material soft against her cheek as she hugged him close. One of his arms came around her back to return the hug, the other was otherwise occupied.

"My birthday isn't until tomorrow." She said when she let go of him, tiny crease between her eyebrows. For the first time, she really noticed and appreciated how nice he looked in a suit.

"I know, but I couldn't wait." He moved his hand to the tiny space between them. He was holding a single, soft pink rose. "To give you this."

Felicity held her breath. Attached to the stem of the flower was an envelope. In swirly handwriting it read: 'Happy Birthday, Felicity'. He smiled softly as the took the rose from her and smiled up at him. She ran her fingers over the sturdy material of the envelope.

"Open it." He urged her. Gently putting a hand on her shoulder.

She glance up at him once again and carefully pulled the envelope lose. Oliver took hold of the rose again. Felicity opened the envelope and took out the contents. A stack of photos. The first picture was from when she was five or six years old and she had just moved in with the Queens. She was smiling brightly at the camera, Oliver next to her, a gap in his smile from where he was changing teeth. Another one of her, fallen asleep on the couch on Christmas eve. one of her and Oliver in the pool. One of her first ballet class. Countless pictures, all of her childhood with the Queens. All of them happy, bright eyes and smiling lips. Felicity sighed as she turned back to Oliver, enveloping him in a hug. He held her for a while before running a hand over her hair.

"You're haven't seen the last of them. Plus, you have to open my other gift."

She started chuckling and rolled her eyes, slowly letting go of him. "Oliver."

He smiled at her innocently and shrugged. She sighed and shook her head, looking back down at the pictures in her hands. When she got to the last ones, she frowned. On none of the pictures left were childhood memories. Instead, there was a house. A beach house to be exact. She hadn't been there before, she knew that for sure. She looked up at Oliver in confusion. He was grinning at her.

"I'm taking you there for the summer."

Felicity's eyes went wide. "Are you kidding? Seriously?"

He nodded. "Yup." He said, popping the p at the end.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She squealed and flung her arms around his shoulders. Oliver started laughing and playfully twirled her around before putting her back on her feet.

"But, as I said, you also have to open my other gift." He said, reaching for the box in the inside-pocket of his jacket. Her eyes went even wider when he pulled the blue-velvet box out and held it up in front of her.

"Happy sixteenth birthday, Felicity."

A soft smile crept up on her lips as her eyes met his before she took hold of the box. Flipping off the cover, she gasped. Tucked into the silk embedding of the box lay a beautiful gold necklace, with a Rose Quarts pendant. It was breathtakingly beautiful but simple.

"Oliver. Wow. It's beautiful." She stammered, for once, lost for words.

Oliver beamed at her and placed his hands on her upper arms. "I'm glad you like it."

"Are you kidding. I love it. Thank you." She reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

He couldn't wipe the grin off his face if he wanted too. He loved to see her happy, and he loved to make her happy.

"Well, I'd hate to disappoint you, but that's not all." He said, pursing his lips.

Felicity frowned. "What?! Oliver…."

"Don't worry, I didn't spend any more money. Just put on that dress for me."

Her frown increased as she glanced over to where her dress was hanging. "Why?"

Oliver put his hands on her cheeks and lowered himself so he could look at her.

"Just do it please."

"Okay… I'll be back in five."

The frown didn't dissipate from her face until she had grabbed her dress and had closed the bathroom door behind her. She changed as quickly as she could. Put on some make-up and fixed her hair. Just like in the store, she couldn't completely close the zipper herself, so she emerged from the bathroom and turned around, looking over her shoulder at Oliver, who was admiring her trophy-shelf.

"Zip me up?" She asked. He whipped his head around in surprise and quickly nodded. Without a word he moved to stand behind her, carefully tossing her hair over her shoulder so it wouldn't get caught in the zipper. He did caught a glimpse of the lacy white bra she wore underneath, but he chose to ignore it, even if it made his stomach flutter. It wasn't his place. He zipped her dress and pulled her hair back.

"All done." He said quickly, swallowing because of his suddenly dry mouth.

"Thanks." She said before hurrying into her closet and emerging less than a minute later in black heels. Oliver smiled when he looked at her. The dress looked gorgeous on her and the heels did wonders for her tanned legs.

"You look amazing." He said, reaching for her hand.

She smiled and took the offered hand. "Thank you. You do not look so bad yourself."

Oliver chuckled and placed her hand in the crook of his elbow and lead her into the hall.

"Where are we going exactly?" She asked when they were about to turn the corner and head down the stairs.

"You'll see." He replied. The descended the stairs and the took her into the living room. She was met with a big 'SURPRISE!' and all the people she cared about in one room.

She put a hand over her mouth and started laughing before turning to Oliver and pecking him on the cheek.

"You did all this?" She asked, bright smile on her face.

He pursed his lips. "Actually, it was your father's idea."

Her face fell for a moment. "Oh. Huh."

As realization washed over her, her smile returned, not as bright as it had been, but maybe more meaningful. She started making rounds, hugging her friends and family, accepting congratulations and gifts and toasting on another good year. Even Ronnie was there, which she hadn't expected. Well, not that she had expected a surprise party at all, but he told her he wouldn't be able to come to her party at all.

"I lied." He said as he pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

"You idiot." She said, running her hands over his back. He chuckled and smiled down at her.

"Happy birthday" He whispered before pressing his lips over hers.

It was almost midnight when she found her father, standing at the bar, sipping on his whiskey with Robert. She hugged Robert, and he excused himself in the least obvious way possible. Not. But he knew they needed to talk and so he gave them some space. Felicity started fidgeting, pulling on her thumbnail.

"You look stunning tonight." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up and smiled softly. "Oliver told me this was your idea."

Malcolm nodded slowly, his lips pressing in a firm line. "It was."

And then her arms where around him, her face buried into his suit jacket. "Thanks dad."

Hesitantly, Malcolm put his arms around her, one hand softly stroking her hair as the clock announced the new day.

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart." He said quietly.

* * *

 

Outfits: [the girls get in trouble](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=138534242&lid=3979393), [shopping for dresses](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=138534328&lid=3979393), [potential dresses](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=138534411&lid=3979393), [Felicity's birthday](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=138534478&lid=3979393)


	9. Wishing Wells

Let me just start this off with saying thank you to my incredible new beta, [duaedenateist](http://archiveofourown.org/users/duaedenateist) . I couldn't have done it with you!  
Thank you for more inspiration and motivation than I know what to do with!

* * *

_Let's start this world_   
_Let's leave this town_   
_Let's pack our bags and head for the hills_   
_I can see it now_   
_I can't tell you how_   
_'til the sun goes down_   
_but I can feel it in my roots_   
_That it's all clear now_

_They keep on tugging and tugging this rope_   
_Let it all fall out_   
_I'm leaving on a spot of good luck, spot of good luck_   
_You can't stop me now_

_I found the beat to your heart_   
_And I've been dancing to it night and day_   
_We've already gone this far_   
_So let's take it to the next day_

_I'm sick of hearing what if, what if_   
_Just follow what you're feeling for_   
_If you don't know what you're looking for_   
_Just follow what you feel, Just follow what you feel_

_Let's take a walk_   
_Down this empty street_   
_Well, the ones was light but now that it's not_   
_It's just you and me_

_Don't listen to a word that you've been told_   
_'cause I can tell you too_   
_We'll leave into a land of wishing wells, land of wishing wells_   
_token for two_

* * *

 

Oliver had always considered the start of summer a good reason to throw a lavish party. The Queen backyard was swarming with teens and young-adults. There was plenty of booze, he had made sure of that. But as much as Oliver loved a good party, he loved his best friend more. And when her concerned boyfriend came to him asking for help to find her, he couldn't say no. He had been looking for her for at least an hour when he finally found her. He squinted as he looked up into the dark. Through the thick foliage of the trees, he could see the lights of the hidden treehouse sparkle. Felicity was the only person who could be up there. Oliver climbed up the ladder. He remembered it being easier than it was. It had been a while since he had been in there. He made it to the top and pulled himself through the gap. She was sitting on the edge of the little balcony, feet dangling off the edge. She was leaning back against the trunk of the tree holding the whole thing up. Oliver got to his feet and made is way over to her.

"Do you know how hard it is to climb up that ladder in heels?" She said softly and Oliver scoffed in amusement. Kicking out her legs as he sat down next to her, she showed off her bright red sandal heels. She'd heard the creaking of the wood and knew it could only be Oliver. This was their hiding place and nobody else would come here. He could see the goose bumps on her arms and quickly shed off his jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders

"Thanks." She whispered.

Her lips curled into a smile and she straightened her back, placing her hands on either side of her legs. They enjoyed the silence for a while, glancing up at the stars and the moon through the leaves of the trees, illuminated by the Christmas lights hanging from the little cabin.

"I forgot how much I like it here." Felicity said, turning her head and glancing at Oliver. His expression was blank as he nodded and hummed in agreement.

She kept her gaze on him until he finally looked at her.

"What is it?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Oliver's eyes widened a bit. He pressed his lips into a firm line.

"Why are you hiding out here, Felicity? There's a party that really needs your presence to be awesome. And Ronnie has been looking for you everywhere."

Felicity looked away, clenching her jaw and swallowing hard.

"So that why you're here." She said, slight annoyance in her voice.

"He's worried about you. I would be too if I couldn't find you anywhere."

She rolled her eyes and released of a huff of air. "Sure."

Oliver frowned and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. Did something happen between you two? Do I need to kick his ass? Because we all know I can."

Her lips curled up in the tiniest of smiles and she chuckled. She was fidgeting with her fingers in her lap, her eyes focused on her hands. She paused for a second and started shaking her head. When she looked up again, Oliver noticed the redness of her eyes and her puffy face. She had definitely been crying.

"We had a fight." Her voice trembled and cracked at the last word. Her bottom lip started trembling so she bit down on it. She took a deep breath.

"About what?

She huffed again and shook her head. "It's stupid."

"Well then I'm definitely going to kick his ass. For making you cry over something."

He was about to stand up, pulling his legs back onto the balcony but Felicity pulled him back down. He slumped down next to her, her hand still clutched at his t-shirt.

"Don't. Oliver. I swear you will only make it worse." She spat at him, fire igniting behind her eyes. She let go of his shirt and sighed, averting her gaze.

"We fought about you." She said, barely loud enough for him to hear.

"Me?" Oliver raised his eyebrows and stared at her in surprise.

"Yes. You. Ronnie fears that our friendship might be more than friendship. I assured him that it wasn't true. That I don't even think about you like that. Not that you're not attractive or boyfriend material or anything, because you are. Just not for me, you know, because I have known you for almost my entire life and you're like a brother to me. Please stop me, I'm rambling again."

Oliver frowned and looked her over. Yeah, what she'd said was true, there was nothing more than friendship between them. He had thought about it a few times, but always had thought that it would be too weird. He liked Felicity, a lot, and she was perfect in so many ways, but that was a line that they both knew couldn't be crossed.

"And then Ronnie started talking about the way you look at me." She held up her hands to make air quotations. "Like I'm the only person in the room or something." She mimicked nastily. "About how you are always the first person I go to when I have a problem. And told him that was because he's never there. And then he stomped off and I started crying and I ended up here."

She sighed in relief when it was all out. She never intended to tell him all of this, but Oliver was her best friend, and apparently she couldn't hide anything from him. They were quiet for a long while. Oliver was contemplating what it all meant and that maybe he hadn't been so subtle as he thought he had been.

"How do you and Laurel do it?" She asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"That's just it. We don't."

Felicity frowned and turned her head to look at him. Oliver met her gaze and rested his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers together.

"We broke up again." He confessed. "A few weeks ago, now."

Sighing softly, she reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Oliver shook his head. "It's not your fault. I should have told you sooner."

Felicity pursed her lips and slightly shook her head because he really didn't have to tell her. Not that she didn't want to know, but it wasn't his duty, so to speak, to report everything about his love life to her. But now that she knew, her curiosity got the better of her.

"What happened? Why'd you break up?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "She thinks I cheated on her."

"Did you?" Felicity's eyes widen, her hand tightening on his shoulder.

"No! God, Felicity, I thought you were on my side."

"I am! I just needed you to tell me."

He sighs again and looks up at her. "I swear, this is nothing like last time. I did not cheat on her."

"I believe you, Oliver. I do, but you can't blame her for worrying."

Oliver hid his face in his hands and groaned. "No."

He swallowed hard, looked at his watch and straightened his back. Felicity looked at him over her shoulder, smiling softly. He started grinning and slightly tilted his head to the side.

"I think I should take you on that trip I promised you on your birthday."

Felicity stared at him in confusion, leaning back against the tree, crossing her arms over chest.

"I really don't think that's a good idea. It's not going to convince Ronnie that we're just friends." She waved her hand between the two of them before tucking it back against her side.

"Screw him." Oliver said, his mouth falling open as he realized what he had insinuated. Felicity scrunched up her nose and raised an eyebrow at him. "What he thinks, I mean."

He pulled one leg back onto the platform and turned his torso so he could face her.

"If he doesn't believe you when you tell him there's nothing between us but friendship, he's not worth your time. Trust is the most important part of any relationship."

Felicity licked her lips and averted her gaze for a moment. A wide grin started spreading across her face and she nodded.

"Okay. Let's do it."

Less than a week later, they were on their way, cruising down the highway to Coast City. Oliver had convinced his father to let him borrow the light blue Mustang convertible Felicity loved. Their bags were stuffed into the trunk and most of the back seat. The radio was playing whichever summer hit 2004 had to offer. Oliver tapped along to the beat on the steering wheel. Felicity wiggling her feet around where she had them propped up on the dashboard. They still had an hour drive ahead of them, and had run out of conversation topics so they had decided to just listen to the music and enjoy the sun warming their skin.

"Can you teach me?" Felicity asked after a while.

"What?" Oliver glanced over at her before hitting the blinker and smoothly driving past a big truck.

"How to drive." She said, putting her sunglasses up in her hair.

"Why? I thought you didn't want to drive."

"Well, I do. You see, not wanting to get your license and your dad not letting you get your license are two very different things. And I do actually want to get my license."

Oliver chuckled and nodded. "Okay. We'll switch when we're almost there and you can drive us to the house."

"Yes!" She pumped her fist in the air and laughed. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!"

She reached out and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Oliver chuckled and smiled broadly at her. And no sooner said than done, Felicity was sitting in the driver's seat, hands clamped around the steering wheel.

"Okay, you ready?" Oliver asked from the passenger seat. They had parked on the side of the road, in an area mostly filled with secondary homes to the rich and powerful. There wasn't a lot of traffic, which was a good thing for a first time driver.

"Yes. Clutch, brake, accelerator, right?" She released a huff of air and nodded

"Right. Okay now put your foot on the clutch and start the ignition." Oliver licked his lips in anticipation. He would be the one paying for this, literally and figuratively, if this went south.

Felicity did as she was instructed, squealing when the car roared to life.

"Good. Now put the shift in first and slowly let go of the clutch until you feel the car starts to pull. That's when you, slowly, are going to put your foot on the accelerator."

"Okay." Felicity took hold of the shift gear, moving it into first gear. She followed Oliver's instructions and the car slowly started moving before sputtering to an abrupt halt.

"Crap! What did I do wrong?"

Oliver laughed but immediately stopped as she glared at him.

"Nothing. You did perfect for your first time."

Felicity's eyes widened. "Driving, I mean. You know what I mean." He corrected himself quickly. Felicity shook her head and sighed.

"Then why did we stop?" She asked.

"You just need to give a little more gas before you let go of the clutch completely. Don't be afraid to really step on it."

"Okay….so back to neutral?"

Oliver nodded and watched as she tried again. She got the car moving, and kept it moving this time. She smiled proudly and jumped a little in her seat. Oliver chuckled.

"Okay, now we don't want to drive this slow the rest of the way so you're going to shift to second gear. You hold down the clutch all the way, move the shift to second gear, slowly let go of the clutch and give a little more gas."

"Got it." She said, doing as she was instructed. It went off without a hitch, and they got to the house without any accidents. Felicity was ecstatic that she had actually driven a car. She was a natural. After unloading and unpacking, Oliver suggested a quick trip to the beach before dinner. Felicity gladly accepted and raced to her bedroom to gather all the stuff she would need. Less than twenty minutes later, they were sprawled out on their beach towels, enjoying the warmth of the sun on their skin. Felicity was playing with the frills on her floral bikini, unknowingly drawing Oliver's attention to where it shouldn't be. She didn't care. She had grown a lot more confident with her body over the years. She was less bony and had more curves to be appreciated. And she was particularly proud of the cup size she had increased over the past year. She sat up and opened the bottle of sunscreen, applying a generous amount to her fingers and rubbing it into her skin. Her legs, stomach, arms and her face. When she was done, she stood up, pouring some more white liquid into her hands, look at Oliver. He was standing with his hands on his hips, staring at the waves, carefully avoiding Felicity and her sunscreen.

"Take of that shirt already, Oliver. You're never going to get a tan like that."

He whipped his head around, looking down at his tiny best friend. She raised her eyebrows at him and gestured at the shirt.

"Go on." She said, shifting her weight to one leg, tapping her foot against the sand.

Without a word, Oliver did as he was told and discarded the shirt. Felicity blinked twice before smiling innocently at him. She knew he was hitting the gym more often lately, but she hadn't realized how much muscle he had actually gained. His torso wasn't as soft as she remembered. The boy she had known all her life had become more of a man. She could actually count his abs. One, two, three, yes definitely a six-pack. She swallowed hard, stepping around him and started applying the sunscreen, that was dripping off her hand by now, to his back. She could feel the muscles play under her fingers as he moved. She bit her lower lip and took a deep breath and smiled at him when she was finished. Handing him the bottle, she sat back down on her towel and started braiding her hair so it wouldn't blow in her face. Oliver sat down next to her, looking out over the beach.

"What's on your mind?" Felicity asked as she tied her braid off with a hairband.

"Nothing." He shook his head and looked down.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Liar. Just spill it already."

Oliver licked his lips and was silent for a moment.

"Alright, I was just wondering, if you and Ronnie ever, you know."

It took Felicity a second to realize what he was talking about. Her eyebrows shot up into her hair and her eyes went wide.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't know. I was just curious, I guess... Forget it, sorry I asked. You don't have to tell me"

Felicity looked away, blushing a little. She pressed her lips together in a thin line. Oliver averted his gaze and chose to focus on the tiny circle he was drawing in the sand. They were quiet for a while until Felicity sighed.

"We haven't." She said in a small voice.

Oliver abruptly lifted his head and looked at her. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah." Smiling softly, she rested her elbows on her knees and waited for what he would say next.

"Why not?" Oliver moved so he was facing her rather than sitting next to her.

Felicity shrugged. "I don't really know. I mean, I was really young when we met. So back then I wanted to wait. And then he went to college and we barely saw each other, and it just hasn't happened yet, I guess."

She rested her head on her knees, tugging at the braided bracelet around her wrist. All Oliver could think about was why he was so relieved by Felicity's confession.

"Do you want it to happen?"

Felicity looked up at him and then back down at her bracelet. "I'm not sure. You see, we've been drifting apart lately and sometimes I think it would just be better to break it off. But, I really care about him, and I don't want to lose him. It sucks."

Oliver smiled softly at her but all he could think about was how Ronnie wasn't the only one who loved her. "Just wait and see what happens. Don't worry about it too much."

She returned the smile and reached for his hand to squeeze it. "Thank you."

Suddenly, he started grinning like a madman. "No worries, but now I'm racing you to the water. We need to cool off and start having some fun."

Felicity started laughing as he got to his feet, extending a hand to pull her up. He count down from three and then they were spurting towards the ocean. Felicity was surprisingly fast but Oliver got there first, skidding to a stop as the cool water hit his ankles. Felicity crashed into him, playfully shoving him deeper into the water. They were both laughing, the water coming to their knees as he stepped towards her and pulled her into his arms, bridal style. She giggled at first, but as he started making his way into the deeper water, she yelled at him to put her down. Oliver's plan was a wicked one. He shouldn't be dropping helpless girls into cold water all at once, but he was. Felicity screamed as the cold water hit her. When she came above the surface she scowled at him, gasping, splashing water at him as his penance. Just moments later, they were both drenched and laughing. They hadn't had a water fight like that since they were children.

When they headed back to their towels, chatting idly about everything and nothing at the same time, they walked past a beach volleyball field. There were a few people playing, the occasional yell and thud of the ball ambient noise. That was until a scream was directed at them.

"WATCH OUT!" The girl yelled at them.

Their heads whipped around and Oliver's reflexes were just fast enough to pull Felicity to the side before the ball could hit her. His arm around her waist, she stumbled over her own feet and fell against him. The girl came running towards them as Oliver put Felicity back to her feet.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. My aim is terrible." She apologized, picking up the ball lying at their feet.

Felicity smiled and shook her head a little. "No worries. Nobody got hurt."

She stepped out of Oliver's hold and looked at the girl. She was pretty, her dark skin seeming almost flawless. Her eyes lit up when she smiled.

"I'm sorry, but you look really familiar." The girl squinted her eyes at Oliver, pursing her lips.

Oliver shrugged. "Sorry, I don't recognize you."

The girl tilted her head to the side, trying to figure out where she knew him from. Felicity looked from one to the other, frowning a little. The girl's eyes went wide and she held up a finger.

"Wait. I know! You're Oliver Queen. We go to the same university. I've seen you around at some parties"

Felicity raised her eyebrows and smiled. "You go to Harvard too?"

The girl shook her head. "Uhm, no, Central City University, actually."

Felicity frowned and pursed her lips. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned to look at Oliver. He was avoiding her gaze, she could see that.

"Huh. I guess you have to tell me something, don't you." She said before turning back to the girl standing in front of her. She smiled and rolled her eyes, making her chuckle. Felicity held out her hand.

"I'm Felicity, by the way."

"Iris." The girl said and shook her hand, smiling warmly at her.

"Nice to meet you." The girls smiled at each other.

"Likewise. Hey, there's this party here tonight, with a big bonfire, you guys should totally come."

"We would love, wouldn't we, Oliver." Felicity said, elbowing Oliver in the ribs. He groaned and nodded.

"Yeah, sounds great." He smiled politely.

"Great!" Iris said.

"Iris! Are you coming?" A guy came jogging over to them.

Iris turned around and smiled brightly. He came to stand next to her, curiously looking Felicity and Oliver over. He was tall and lanky, kind of pale, especially compared to Iris and had dark reddish hair.

"Guys, this is Barry. Barry, Oliver and Felicity, I invited them to the party tonight."

"Oh, okay! Great! The more the merrier, right?!" He smiled at them and then at Iris, maybe a little brighter.

"Exactly. That's what I thought." She said, handing him the volleyball

"Iris, we should get back, they're waiting for us." Barry pointed behind him to the volleyball field.

"Oh! Yeah, right. I guess we'll see you two tonight then." She smiled again

"We're not a two, we're a one and a one." Felicity blurted out, scrunching up her nose as she realized how stupid that must have sounded.

"Okay then, see you tonight!" Iris chuckled and waved one last time before sprinting back to the volleyball field with Barry.

Oliver nudged her shoulder and stifled a laugh. "A one and a one? Really?"

She scowled at him, crossing her arms over chest. "Oh shut up. Why didn't you tell me you dropped out of Harvard?"

They started walked back to their stuff and Oliver held up his hands in defense. "Hey! Who said I dropped out, maybe I transferred?"

"Did you really, Oliver?"

"No." He looked down.

"See." She shoved him playfully. She couldn't be angry at him, not really. She was aware that he didn't like studying business so she should have seen it coming. But still, she wished he would have told her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked when they were on their way back to the house, only a five minute walk from the beach, disappointment in her voice.

Oliver sighed. "Because I failed, and I knew how disappointed you would be."

"Oliver, I'm not disappointed because you dropped out, I'm disappointed because you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Yeah, you should have told me that if I ever needed you I could just hop on a train instead of needing an airplane." She scowled at him.

Oliver started smiling and put an arm around her shoulder. She refused to give into it at first, but just couldn't withstand him that long and wrapped her arms around him.

"Do you ever run into Ronnie?" She asked.

"Sometimes, his building isn't far from mine."

"Does he ever talk about me?"

"Only all the time. It's starting to get annoying."

Felicity scoffed and chuckled. "Good."

They got McDonald's for dinner. Oliver didn't really like fast food but Felicity was having a mighty craving for their french fries. The sun was setting when they were headed towards the beach again. The bonfire was the first thing that came into view as they stepped into the sand. It was a pretty impressive bonfire, big logs put around it as benches. There was music playing, and table filled with food and drinks. Oliver took Felicity's hand and pulled her with him to get some drinks. She protested at first when he offered her a Malibu with coke, but he assured her that one drink couldn't hurt. She nodded and took the cup from him. Maybe she would loosen up a little, she reasoned. They watched the sun set and talked with some of the other partiers for a while until Iris spotted them, making her way over. She was wearing a floral dress that looked simply stunning.

"Hey guys! You made it!"

"Of course, we weren't going to pass up on such a great party, were we." Oliver said, smiling, putting a hand on Felicity's shoulder.

Iris smiled brightly. "Thank you. It was a lot of work but it turned out great."

"It did, and I've been begging Oliver to dance with me, but he won't. Will you go with me?" Felicity asked Iris.

"Hey! We were mid-conversation!" Oliver protested.

Iris laughed and nodded. "I will never pass up on dancing."

Felicity took Iris's hand, pulling her towards the little area where people were dancing. She looked over her shoulder at Oliver, sticking out her tongue before blowing him a kiss and smiling brightly. Oliver scoffed and rolled his eyes in amusement. He went to sit on one of the benches around the bonfire with a few of the guys. They mostly talked about sports, not really Oliver's thing so he kept his eye on Felicity. When he had just downed his third glass of Jack Daniel's mixed with coke, Barry sat down next to him. They acknowledged each other and started an easy conversation. That was until Oliver's gaze strayed to Felicity's dancing body once again. Barry narrowed his eyes and shifted his gaze between Oliver and Felicity.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" He said, out of the blue.

"What?" Oliver hadn't really been paying attention.

"You're in love with Felicity."

Oliver frowned and scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"The way you look at her, maybe you don't know it yet, but you've got it bad man."

He started laughing. "I'm not in love with Felicity. She's like my little sister. I'm just looking out for her."

"So is Iris to me, but yet, here we are." Barry pursed his lips, watching the two girls dancing like there was nothing more important in the world than that.

"What are you saying, exactly?" Oliver said, turning his body to look at Barry.

"Nothing. I'm just observing." Barry crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged.

Oliver scoffed and shook his head, taking another sip of his recently refilled glass. Barry was wrong, he convinced himself. Yes, he cared a lot about Felicity, but he was not in love with her. The fact that he had to repeat that to himself a couple of times before he actually believed it should have been a warning to him.

On the dance floor, Felicity and Iris had the time of their life. Felicity may have gotten a few more drinks and was definitely feeling the rush of the alcohol in her veins. She noticed Oliver standing up to get another drink and a smug smile curled up on her lips.

"Damn, he's got a fine ass." She muttered, grabbing Iris's forearm. Iris followed her gaze and made her eyebrows wiggle around before bursting into fit of laughter.

"I'm surprised you've only noticed that now." She giggled.

Felicity looked at her with wide eyes. "Am I objectifying my best friend?"

Iris nodded. Felicity joined her in laughter. "I love it!" She exclaimed.

They danced until well into the early hours of the morning. Oliver even joined them at some point. When they went home, he had to lift her onto his back because she just couldn't walk anymore. Her cheek was pressed against his shoulder, face smushed together in the cutest way. Once in a while he would look over his shoulder to see if she was okay. She would be fine, maybe have a massive hangover in the morning but otherwise fine.

He could barely make out the "Olivr, I love ya, ur the bst." she murmured, slightly slurring, against his t-shirt. He smiled softly, hitched her a little bit higher onto his back and walked the rest of the way home.

He gently pulled her off his back and put her onto her bed when they got to her room. She moaned, scrunching up her face at the loss of his warmth. He smiled to himself and put his hand over her cheek.

"I'm right here." He whispered, hovering over her. She made a noise of content and wrapped her fingers around his wrist before curling up into a ball. Oliver smiled as he stroked his thumb over her cheek before letting go to take off her shoes. He unclasped the sandals and threw them to the side. She curled up her toes and pulled her cardigan around her. Oliver somehow managed to take off the necklace she was wearing, the necklace he had given her for her birthday, he realized with a tiny smile, so it wouldn't strangle her in her sleep. That would be very bad. He placed her glasses on the bedside table and tucked her under the covers. Her eyes were drooping, falling shut more often than not. He shut off the light and was about to leave her rest when she groaned.

"Nooo."She dragged out the word. "Dn't leav me, pleas."

How could he have said no? Smiling a little he kicked off is shoes and climbed into the bed next to her.

"Stay wth me, Olivr" She slurred, reaching out for him, grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt.

"I won't leave you, Felicity. I'm right here." He murmured against her hair. She moaned softly and snuggled into his side. Oliver wrapped his arm around her, so she could use it as her pillow. He felt her freezing toes press into the warmth of his leg. It looked like she had fallen asleep within moments, but one never was sure. With his index finger he pulled the stray blonde hair out of her face. He pressed a soft kiss against her forehead.

"I'm never going to leave you, Felicity. I promise."

The promise that he made that night was one he wouldn't easily forget.

* * *

 

**Extra's:**

[Treehouse](https://www.airbnb.nl/rooms/1415908#photos)  
Outfits: [Oliver and Felicity in the treehouse](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=139200765), [road trip](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=139200879), [at the beach](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=139200954), [meeting Barry and Iris](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=139201041), [bonfire party](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=139201134)  
[Car  
](https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8026/7679025054_5d149c1f3e_z.jpg)[Beach house ](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=120625998&.locale=nl)


	10. This Is The New Year

_Another year you made a promise_   
_Another chance to turn it all around_   
_And do not save this for tomorrow_   
_Embrace the past and you can live for now_

_And I will give the world to you_

_Speak louder than the words before you_   
_And give them meaning no one else has found_   
_The role we play is so important_   
_We are the voices of the underground_

_And I would give the world to you_

_Say everything you've always wanted_   
_Be not afraid of who you really are_   
_Cause in the end we have each other_   
_And that's at least one thing worth living for_

_And I would give the world to you_

_A million suns that shine upon me_   
_A million eyes you are the brightest blue_   
_Lets tear the walls down that divide us_   
_And build a statue strong enough for two_

_I pass it back to you_   
_And I will wait for you,_   
_Cause I would give the world_   
_And I would give the world_   
_And I would give the world to you_

_This is the new year_   
_A new beginning_   
_You made a promise_   
_You are the brightest_   
_We are the voices_

* * *

The snow had started falling a couple of hours ago, but hadn't actually stuck to the ground. Felicity stared out of the window of the little bistro she and Ronnie were having lunch at. She licked her lips and took another sip of her hot cocoa. Wrapping her hands around the steaming cup, she smiled up at Ronnie who was talking animatedly about the movie they were going to see: Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events. She loved watching him be so excited about something. Occasionally she would throw in an opinion or an observation, he would think about it for a second and then start talking about all the possibilities, always keeping whatever she had said in mind.

She laughed at all of his funny faces and their little inside jokes. She could trust him to make her smile no matter what. Ronnie had planned an entire day of activities. They started with breakfast at her favorite coffee-shop, then did some Christmas shopping and now they were having lunch and after that they would go to the movie theatre to see the movie, do some more shopping, have dinner at her house and spend the evening watching cartoons. All because it was their one and a half year anniversary. She was aware that for people their age, this was supposedly a big deal but because they barely saw each other, it felt more like one and half month. They hadn't even had sex yet.

She didn't like to think about that too much. She knows most people don't wait this long to spend the night together. She was fifteen when they met, becoming a couple a few months later. Sure, he was seventeen at the time but he promised her he would wait if she wasn't ready. At the time, she wasn't but as she was sitting there, discussing the movie and the book it was based on with him she started realizing that she did really love him and that maybe now she was ready. She bit her lip, glanced outside again, seeing that the snow was finally sticking to the ground and she started smiling. It must have been a sign. She moved her gaze back to Ronnie and reached out to take his hand. He stopped talking and looked at her, smiling softly. She smiled back at him and stroked her thumb over his knuckles. His hands were always incredibly warm, which she liked because hers were always cold.

"I love you, you know that right?" She murmured, tilting her head to the side.

He nodded and reached across the table to take her hand in both of his. "Yeah, I do. And you know I love you too, right?"

She started smiling, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. "Yeah."

They were interrupted by the waitress bringing them their food. French fries and a burger for both of them. With a quick thank you to the brunette, they dug in. Popping a french fry in her mouth, Felicity moaned quietly and threw her head back.

"This is so good. Yum." She said, still chewing, savoring the salty taste.

"Hmmm." Ronnie agreed. "I see why you like it so much here. These french fries are just to die for."

She laughed and popped another one into her mouth. "I know right?!"

Ronnie started chuckling and took a bite of his burger. The face he made had Felicity bursting out in laughter. He made sure she knew exactly where he would be taking her the next time they would go out to eat.

After lunch, and after the movie, they were strolling to where Ronnie had parked his car, just a few blocks away. The snow had formed a thick layer on the sidewalk, making it a longer trip than usual. With one hand shoved into her pocket, the other holding on tightly to Ronnie's, they strolled through by the Christmas decorations illuminating streets. There was a small choir singing Christmas carols, almost every shop was having a huge sale with the windows decorated with everything even remotely Christmas related.

Ronnie and Felicity wouldn't get to spend Christmas together this year. His family was going to Mexico for the break and he was going with them. She understood. She had family to be with here in Starling, and they would see each other again after just two short weeks. Even if he would stay in Starling, they wouldn't get to see each other a lot, so it was no big deal. They were talking about Felicity's plans for the future when they got to the car. Potential colleges and the like. Turns out, even if you are brilliant in almost everything that you do, finding a good college can still be pretty hard.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find something that'll suit you." Ronnie said.

"Even I did, and boy was I an indecisive bastard some times."

Felicity scoffed and smiled a little. "Yeah. I remember. It took you a month to ask me out on a date."

"That was one of my weaker moments, I admit. But I'm glad I made the right decision."

Felicity rolled her eyes. "How would you even know I was the right decision, I mean, maybe you would have met a girl who would be way more awesome than me and then you would be tied down already."

Ronnie sighed and took her hands in his, pulling her a little closer to him.

"Felicity…." He said, "How would I possibly find a cooler girl than you?"

She blushed and reached up onto the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his lips. It was soft and short and sweet. They were both smiling, noses touching. Ronnie's goofy smile made her chuckle before he dipped his head and their lips were touching again, this time more fervently. Felicity threw her arms around his neck as he pulled her body against his, his arms wrapping around her waist. When they parted, she tucked a strand of hair out of her face. The snow clung to her hair and the fur collar of her coat and she had never looked more beautiful. Despite her already flushed cheeks from the cold, she blushed just a tiny bit brighter.

"Let's go home." She said, suddenly shivering, nodding towards the car. "Before we freeze to death out here."

Ronnie smiled, kissing her cheek before letting go of her, unlocking the car and opening her door for her. She gratefully accepted the hand he offered her as she slid into the cool leather seat. She shut the door and made his way around the car. When he was seated behind the wheel he started the ignition, bringing the car to life. He turned on the heating and got rid of the snow that had fallen onto the windscreen. It took them a while to get out of the parking spot. They hadn't expected this much snow to fall so soon and the car and his driver had to adjust to the new terrain.

Around two hours later, they got to the last activity of the day: cartoons. They were sprawled out on her bed, legs tangled together, Ronnie's arm around her shoulders as she rested against his side. Occasionally he would press a kiss to her forehead, or her cheek, or her lips. Right in the middle of Sailor Moon's transformation she hopped off the bed and skipped to where she had put the bags filled with things she had bought that day. She came back holding a small sand-colored box with a brown ribbon tied around it. She sat on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked under the other and held the gift out to him.

"An early Christmas gift." She said. The confused look on Ronnie's face dissipated, making place for a soft smile as he took the gift from her.

"I saw it in one of the stores we went to and I just fell in love with it." She explained.

Ronnie got rid of the bow and lifted the cover off the box. Inside lay a dark-brown leather wrap around bracelet.

"It even has your initials." She said, pointing at the two small R's pressed into the material. Taking it out of the box, he admired the piece for a second before smiling brightly at her.

"Thank you. I love it." He said.

She started smiling. "You're welcome."

"But, now I just can't not give you your gift, and therefore you have completely ruined your own surprise." He said matter-of-factly.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Wait, what?"

Reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he pulled out a small satin gift bag. He twirled it around a couple of times before handing it to her.

"I was going to ask your dad to put it under the tree on Christmas morning. So I would be with you, a little. But, then he wasn't at dinner…." He trailed off, watching her pull at the strings to untie the knot.

She emptied the contents of the bag into her palm. It was a silver necklace with a simple round pendant hanging from it. Engraved into the pendant were tiny dots and stars. It took her a moment to realize what it was.

"It's my zodiac sign!" She exclaimed. "It's the Aquarius sign!"

She jumped a little, making her curls bounce around her shoulders before lunging forward, taking hold of Ronnie's face and crushing his lips to hers. She scooted closer to him, moving her arms around his neck, his hands falling to her waist. He started chuckling and they broke apart.

"I think she likes it." He laughed.

"I think she loves it." She replied in between kisses, smiling brightly.

And then she was gone, holding out the necklace to him.

"Put it on me?" She asked, pulling her hair to one side of her neck so he could close the clasp. She turned around and Ronnie leaned forward, draping the necklace around her throat and fastening it at the back of her neck. His fingers lingered and he couldn't help but lean in and press a kiss to her neck. She went quiet and leaned into the touch. She hummed appreciatively as he moved his lips to just under her ear and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her back to his chest. She didn't know how, but he must have shut off the TV at some point because it was black when she glanced at it.

She tangled her fingers with his and moved her head to meet his lips with her own. She shifted in his arms, turning around so they were pressed chest to chest. They ended up kissing for what felt like hours, but what must have been like five minutes in reality. Running her fingers through his short hair, he hummed and moved his hand underneath her sweater. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing, enjoying the other's presence because time hadn't always been on their side.

"Do you want to stop?" Ronnie asked in between kisses, still tracing his fingers over her back, She hooked her leg over his and shook her head, touching her nose to his.

"No." She scooted a little closer to him, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his jaw and then down to his throat. He hummed in approval, tightening his grip on her. Before she could think twice about it, she sat up and pulled off her sweater, revealing a soft-pink balconette bra with sky-blue flowers on it. The cool metal of the necklace settled only just slightly above her breasts. She took another deep breath and put her hands on her hips, straightening her back. Ronnie smiled softly at her, reaching out to gently touch her cheek before running both hands down her sides, admiring her body with his eyes.

"Are you sure?" He asked as she started pulling at the hem of his shirt. Her dainty fingers dipped underneath the material, feeling cold against his heated skin. She traced them upwards, pulling the fabric of the shirt with them. She stopped to look at him for a second, eyes sparkling, pupils blown wide and smile on her face.

"Yeah." She said while nodding, hovering over him. Licking her lips, she looked down at where her hands were bunching up his shirt. His abs were on full display. Sure, she had seen them before, plenty of times actually, but she couldn't just not appreciate them. Just for a moment.

"Are you?" She asked when her gaze strayed back to his. He released a huff of air and sat up, pulling her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her back. She let her thumbs stroke across the smooth, taut skin of his chest and grinned at him.

"I have never been so sure about something….someone in my entire life." He said, pressing his forehead against hers and looking into her eyes. She blushed a little and smiled before pressing her lips to his, only breaking apart to pull the damn shirt off of him already. They laughed when his head got stuck for a second before Felicity threw the shirt across the floor and their lips met for another kiss. Her arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders when his lips moved to her cheek and down to her throat. She gasped when he found her pulse-point.

"Not that I expect you to have something with you at all time, or anything. I mean, I wouldn't be sure what to think if you would just carry something like that around at all time, but, what I'm trying to ask you if you have, you know, protection. I would totally understand if you didn't, because I have some from health class. But, I just wanted to be sure, and safe, you know."

"Felicity. Breathe. Don't worry about it, I have a condom."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Good. I mean, I'm not even sure the ones I have haven't surpassed their expiration date yet. I mean, can they even expire. That would be weird but I recall them having a time stamp on the packaging."

"Felicity…" He groaned, moving his gaze to look her in the eyes. She nervously licked her lips, chest rapidly rising and falling. Ronnie put both his hands on either side of her face, running his thumb over her cheeks until she calmed down a little, his gaze never wavering from hers.

"Hey. You okay? If you're not ready, I totally understand."

She immediately shook her head. "No. I'm ready. I…I'm just nervous." She said in a small voice, taking hold of his wrists, finding his pulse with her thumbs. His heartbeat was elevated. Just like hers. But that somehow calmed her down a little. She smiled and reached forward to kiss him, her hands falling from his wrists and down his chest, undoing the button of his pants before she could give it any further thought. She could feel him grin against her lips.

"Might as well put my dad being a shitty parent and never being home to good use." She grinned. Ronnie chuckled, taking her face in his hands and kissing her senseless.

He flipped them over, letting her fall back against the bedding. He could swear that seeing her blonde hair fanned out across the baby blue sheets was the loveliest thing he had ever seen in his entire life. Hovering over her, he kissed her again, slowly moving his lips from hers to her throat, her collarbone, the tops of her breasts, her ribs and down her tummy. He stopped when he encountered her black jeans, swiftly popping open the button and gently sliding it down her legs. She was grinning broadly when she pulled him back up for another kiss.

* * *

Oliver always hated the galas his parents believed were necessary for the sake of charity. He especially hated them when they were planned on New Year's Eve. This was supposed to be one of those nights of the year that were truly spectacular. He was supposed to be with his friends, go downtown, hit the clubs, get wasted, charm a few girls, drown in all the booze they could get their hands on and drink themselves stupid. But instead, he was talking to old people about what a great cause whatever charity his mother was supporting that night was. He hadn't even been allowed to drink. Not that that stopped him. Pulling out the flask he had stuffed in the inside pocket of his jacket, he took a large gulp, swallowing hard. He scrunched up his face. The vodka was strong, even for him. At least Felicity was here. Just as annoyed and just as bored as him. She was walking around the room, talking to various people. Old ladies squealing about how she had grown so much, becoming such a lovely young woman and receiving compliments about how beautiful her dress looked. They weren't wrong. She looked absolutely stunning in her navy dress. The dark color contrasted beautifully against her creamy skin. The neckline plunged and Oliver didn't dare to look anywhere but her face when she was close to him. He watched her laugh at something. He couldn't help it; he started grinning. She sure was better at concealing her discomfort and boredom than he was. He took another large gulp of vodka before putting the flask back into his pocket. How had it come to this? How had his best friend in the whole world turned into the sole object of his desires?

He watched her as she glided through the room, graceful as ever, her dress flowing after her as she made her way to the bar. He chuckled as she frowned and rolled her eyes when the bartender handed her a coke. She leaned against the bar for a moment , scanning the room. It was obvious that she was looking for him. He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her from a distance, waiting for her to notice. A smile curled up her lips when she spotted him, leaning against the mantle. She pushed herself away from the bar and walked over to him.

"Ugh, this party sucks." She groaned when he was within earshot, slumping her shoulders, sticking her clutch under her arm.

"I've noticed." pursing his lips, he sighed heavily.

"Can we get out of here already?" He groaned, pushing away from the mantle and turning his body in her direction. Felicity rolled her eyes and looked up at him.

"Oliver, I promised your mom I'd be here. We can't just leave."

"You promised. I, on the other hand, did no such thing." He lifted his eyebrows.

"You wouldn't." Felicity turned her head and glared at him, eyes narrowed, lips pursed. Oliver scoffed. How could she look even more attractive when she was trying to be angry at him. He didn't understand and he sure as hell didn't know what to do with the feelings that welled up. He would need another drink if he was going to survive that party.

"Wouldn't I?" He tilted his head to the side. He licked his lips and grinned, waiting for her answer. She was quiet for a moment before she started shaking her head.

"No, because you promised me you would never leave me."

"You heard that?" He frowned in confusion. Of course she had heard it. She had been drunk, and tired, but she heard him, alright. At this point he was just glad he didn't confess his feelings for her back then. That would have turned out terribly.

"Uh-huh." She replied, nodding to herself.

"Well crap, I am never going to live that down now, am I?"

"Nope." She popped the p at the end wiggled with her eyebrows

He looked at her from the corner of his eye, pretending to be dead serious but the sparkle in her eyes and the soft smile on her pink-painted lips turned out to be his undoing. He chuckled, she glanced at him and then they were both laughing.

"Hey, you have any booze on you?" She bumped her shoulder against his arm, sending way to much tingly feelings up Oliver's arm.

"Of course, milady."

He pulled out the flask and unscrewed the cap for her.

"My hero." She chuckled.

Oliver rolled his eyes as she took the flask from him and poured a generous amount into her glass of coke before handing it back to him. She used her straw to mix the two fluids and took a sip when she was satisfied.

"Ahh, much better. Thanks." She said, smiling up at him.

"You're welcome." He said with an innocent smile as he tucked the flask back into his pocket.

"So how about that extraction plan?"

Felicity pursed her lips and glanced around the room.

"Four exits, two of them a dead end, that leaves the kitchen and the foyer."

"I could go for some snacks." He said, lifting an eyebrow at her. She shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"Kitchen it is." Felicity said, looking up at him with a bright smile.

Oliver offered her his arm and she gladly took it. As casually as possible, they made their way to their escape, avoiding as many people as possible, never making eye-contact, pretending to be solely focused on the conversation they were faking to have. Oliver's head was ducked, only inches away from Felicity's as she babbled about what a great team they were when it came to getting out of boring parties. They burst into laughter when they had successfully gotten away from the ballroom and were standing in the little hallway leading towards the kitchen.

"You were right. We make an awesome team."

Felicity squeezed his biceps and smiled up at him. "Of course I was right."

He scoffed, shook his head in amusement and started walking her to the kitchen. Besides the awesome escape, the plan didn't really turn out that great. The rather spacious kitchen was swarmed by people. Chefs and waiters everywhere, and Raisa standing in the middle of the room, directing each and every one of them. They stood in the doorway for a full minute, mouths hanging slightly open as they glanced around at all the delicious food and drinks before Raisa noticed them and came rushing over.

"What are you two doing here? You need to get back to the party, now." She started nudging them in the direction they had come from but they wouldn't budge.

"The party sucks, don't send us back. Please." Felicity pleaded, pulling out her famous puppy eyes and adorable pout.

Raisa sighed and tilted her head to the side. She glanced from Felicity to Oliver, who nodded in agreement with Felicity. Raisa shook her head and reached out to touch both of their cheeks.

"Fine. Wait here." She said before turning on her heel and making her way across the kitchen, gracefully maneuvering around the people swarming around her until she got to the freezer. She pulled open the door and pulled out what Oliver was sure was a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice-cream. With not only that, but also two spoons, a bottle of champagne and two glasses, she walked back over to the two of them, handingFelicity the Ice-cream and the spoons and Oliver the champagne and the glasses.

She winked at him, nodding towards the bottle that was now in his hands. He smiled thankfully at her. Raisa was the only person he had confessed his feelings for Felicity to. She had noticed the longing looks and talked to him about it a few weeks ago. He was well aware she was trying to help him win her over. Her head snapped around when something behind them shattered to pieces on the marble floor. Someone shouted an apology. Raisa sighed and turned back look at them.

"Now, go to the back porch. You'll be able to see the fireworks from there. I come and bring you some blankets and the heater when I clean that up, alright." She smiled brightly before patting Oliver on his arm and turning around to clean up the mess that had been made.

"Shall we." Oliver said, nodding towards the back door.

"We shall." Felicity replied and smiled up at him.

It was getting quite chilly outside so they were glad when Raisa came to bring them the blankets and the patio heater. They settled on one of the benches, wrapped in blankets, eating the ice-cream before it melted, careful to not put it too close to the heater. When Oliver popped open the champagne Felicity yelped and then started laughing at her own reaction.

"Wait, weren't we supposed to crack this open after midnight?" Felicity said, a frown appearing on her face.

Oliver thought for a second, before turning around to look at her. He was pouring them both a glass. He put the bottle down and handed her her glass.

"Well, it's too late now, isn't it?" He said with a shrug. She chuckled and they clinked their glasses together.

"To another great year with my bestest friend." She said. Oliver smiled politely but he couldn't help but think about how he actually wanted to change their relationship status in the next year. For a split second, he thought about telling her, but almost immediately stuffed those dark thoughts back where they belonged.

"To another year filled with the greatest parties, a lot of alcohol, and the most beautiful blonde I have ever met." He said, winking at her, making her blush.

They clinked their glasses together once again took a sip. Felicity settled against his side. Her baby-pink pumps had been discarded a while ago and she had pulled her legs up under her. They talked for hours. Touches (that maybe were a bit too intimate for two friends) were exchanged, ice-cream was being fed. Oliver had wrapped his arm around her, to keep her even warmer when she had shivered once. She told him she was fine, but when he wouldn't let go, she didn't fight it. Oliver could feel the alcohol rushing through his veins, making his sight a little fuzzy. Despite that, he could still clearly see how beautiful Felicity's smile was. They had emptied the entire flask and were halfway through the bottle of champagne when they heard the countdown inside the ballroom start. Oliver looked over his shoulder to see people excitedly counting along.

Their gazes met and he couldn't help the smile that curled up his lips at her happy expression.

"5…4…" She said, counting along with the crowd, scooting a little closer to Oliver.

"3…2…1…"

They just smiled at each other for a moment. Felicity averted her gaze and licked her lips. Apparently he wasn't the only one feeling the tension between them. She hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her cold nose against the soft skin under his ear. A delicious shiver ran down his spin and he bounded his arms around her.

"Happy New Year, Felicity." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair, breathing in the flowery scent of her shampoo.

"Happy new year, Oliver."

She jumped in his arms as the fireworks started, quickly pulling away to look at the display. Oliver took her hand and they watched the fireworks combust and explode into beautiful color and sparks flew across the sky.

"Too bad we won't get any new year's kisses. I mean, with Ronnie in Mexico and Laurel, well, I probably shouldn't even have mentioned her." She whispered, almost too quietly for him to hear. He squeezed her hand, tugging at it a little before letting go of it and reaching up to pull a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked at him with big surprised eyes. He just smiled at her, slowly inching closer. She didn't stop him and he was almost sure that she moved closer to him as well. She could have stopped him. But she didn't.

And then, his lips fell over hers. Never before had he had the pleasure of feeling lips this soft against his own. He moved his hands to cup her cheeks. When she reached up to hold on to his wrists he thought that she was going to pull him away, that she was going to reject him. But she didn't. She sighed, opening her mouth, turning the soft, sweet kiss into one with more fire, sparks and tingly feelings than they both had ever experienced. Her hands moved, trying to find purchase because his wrists no longer sufficed when he snaked his arms around her back. She ended up pulling at his collar and wrapping her arms around his neck. To have her in his arms like this was something he thought he'd never get to enjoy, but for just that moment, he forgot about the fact that she had someone else who loved her. It all didn't seem to matter. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was his colorful imagination, but Felicity was the only thing he could possibly care about right in that moment.

At some point, they were both gasping for air, chests heaving, breaths mingling as they clung to each other like lifelines. Chest to chest, forehead to forehead, eyes still closed. They sat like that for a while. Oliver's heart was racing. It felt as if it would jump out of his chest, kidnap Felicity and take her to his room.

"We shouldn't have done that." She whispered, not showing any signs that she was about to let go of him.

"I know." Oliver said in all seriousness but he couldn't stop the smirk from curling onto his lips. Their lips met again and all was well in the world. Until the next morning, of course. In the end, he still wasn't sure what made him kiss her that night. If maybe it was the alcohol, or if he had just been brave enough to reach for what he wanted, taking his own fate into his hands and confessing how he felt about her without the use of words.

 

* * *

 

Outfits: [The anniversary date](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=139828596&.locale=nl), [New Year's Eve party](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=139828797&.locale=nl)


	11. Cut Your Teeth

 

****__  


_Didn't I warn you not to?_   
_Didn't I warn you good?_   
_Maybe we couldn't help it_   
_Maybe we never should_

_Didn't I say it slowly?_   
_Didn't I make it clear?_   
_Is it unfair to ask you_   
_Why it is you're still here?_

_You cut your teeth on the lack of answers, and you_   
_Come back home and it don't feel the same_   
_Well I bled words onto a page for you_   
_And you never knew my name_

_Didn't I make it harder?_   
_Didn't I leave you there?_   
_Was it too much to ask you_   
_Why it is you still care?_

_You cut your teeth on the lack of answers, and you_   
_Come back home and it don't feel the same_   
_Well I bled words onto a page for you_   
_And you never knew my name_

_Come, go, break your bones_   
_They cut you up and never let go_   
_Swing low, play your show_   
_Call your mother, say "take me home"_   
_Lie, smile, don't say no_   
_Another man down if you let them know_

* * *

 

The last few weeks had been tough. Felicity had been trying to avoid Oliver as often as she could without making it weird. They hadn't talked about what had happened on new year's eve, and honestly, she didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it meant it was real. Talking about it meant she would have to think about what it had meant. If it meant anything and how this changed their relationship. She wasn't ready for an answer to any of these questions because if it hadn't meant anything, why did she, every time she thought about his lips pressed to hers get all tingly inside. And she knew that if it meant Oliver had feelings for her beyond friendship, it would destroy their relationship. She was in love with someone else and already, when they hadn't even brought that one mind-blowing kiss up in nearly two months, their friendship was strained. But then again, not having talked about it with Oliver might also have been the reason things were so awkward between them.

Even though she was trying to avoid contact, she couldn't help desperately wanting to talk to him. She dialled his number several times, never pressing the call button. Well, sometimes she did, but she had always managed to end the call before he picked up.

Her conversations with Ronnie hadn't been better. She hated lying to him, but even he could see something was on her mind. He'd ask her about it but she would just shake her head and divert the subject. Her palms got sweaty every time she was going to see him, or he would come visit her. She didn't know how long she could hide it from him anymore. She didn't want to hurt him, but then again, she couldn't live like this either.

Felicity was so confused and she didn't know what to do anymore. She needed some advice, and she needed it soon.

That's how she found herself overthinking the whole situation once again at one of her sleepovers with Charlotte and Sara. They had rented a suite in one of the nicest hotels in Starling just because they could, spent the night doing their nails, playing drinking games in their pjs and eating the ridiculously expensive pizza the hotel offered. Not that they'd regretted it. It was the best pizza they ever had. They had gone to sleep with a light buzz, the three of them curled up in the king-size bed in the master bedroom.

Felicity was the first one to wake up. She sat up, scrunching up her face, pressing her hand against her forehead, trying to ease the headache that was welling up. She glanced over at Sara, who was lying in the middle, head buried in the pillow, arms wrapped around it. And then at Charlotte, whose head had fallen sideways while she slept on her back, hands tucked underneath her pillow. She was smiling in her sleep. At least she was dreaming about happy things, Felicity thought. As quietly as she could, she slipped from underneath the covers, grabbed a pair of fuzzy socks and left the room to make some coffee and order breakfast.

Less than half an hour later, the room filled itself with the smell of bacon, eggs and coffee. Felicity rolled the little food tray into the bedroom, carefully waking up her two friends. Charlotte groaned at the massive hangover she was experiencing and sighed in relief as Felicity handed her aspirin, a glass of water and the special strawberry gum she liked to get the taste out of her mouth. Sara was surprisingly okay, considering that she had been the one to drink the most. She sat up against the headboard, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee Felicity offered her. They had breakfast in bed and snuggled together to watch a movie after. Felicity convinced them to watch Clueless, one of her favorite chick-flicks, but halfway through, she pressed pause, much to the annoyance of both Sara and Charlotte.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep this to myself anymore. I have to tell you guys something." She said, her voice desperate.

Sara and Charlotte exchanged a look and frowned. The seriousness of the situation hitting home.

"Please don't tell me you're pregnant." Sara said, eyes wide with concern, placing her hands on Felicity's shoulders.

Felicity's eyes widened in surprise, a horrified look across her face. "What? No! Sara!"

"Oh thank god. I'm not ready to be an aunt." Sara sighed in relief and fell backwards against the pillows.

"Jesus Christ, Sara. Let the girl confess already!" Charlotte said, scooting closer to Felicity and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"What's up? What's on your mind?" She said softly, a sweet smile on her face.

Felicity took a deep breath and licked her lips, looking from Charlotte to Sara, who was sitting back up.

"Oliver and I kissed." She blurted out before she could change her mind. She put a hand over her mouth immediately after the words had tripped from her lips, already wondering if this had been a good idea.

"Finally!" Sara squealed, throwing her hands in the air.

"Sara I have a boyfriend!" She said, desperately keeping her voice from breaking and tears from spilling across her cheeks.

"When was this?" Charlotte frowned and looked Felicity in the eye, demanding an answer.

Felicity let her shoulders slump and looked at her friend. "New Year's Eve. We had been drinking and I said something about not getting a midnight kiss this year and then he kissed me. And I… I didn't stop him."

"Do you have feelings for Oliver?!" Sara said, eyes going wide, a hand reaching out for Felicity's knee.

Felicity threw her hands up in desperation. "I don't know. There's definitely something there, but ever since it happened, things have been so weird between us. And I love Ronnie."

"Does he know?" Charlotte asked quietly.

"No." She shook her head. "It would break him." Felicity hid her face in her hands out of desperation. She should have told her friends way sooner, but she just hadn't known how.

"Are you going to tell him?" Sara asked, crossing her arms over her chest. All of her jokes were pushed to the side the second she realized how much Felicity was suffering over this. A worried frown on her face, she bit her lower lip and tried as hard as she could not to be even a little happy Oliver and Felicity had lip-locked.

Felicity sighed and shook her head. "I don't know. Things have been good between us and I just know that telling him is going to destroy that. I don't wanna lose him."

Charlotte huffed a strand of hair out of her face and looked down at her hands. "And I thought Max and I had relationship troubles." She said quietly, putting an arm around Felicity.

"It's a risk to tell him, but if he finds out on his own, things are going to be way worse." Sara said.

"If you tell him that you were both drunk and it didn't mean anything…then maybe.."

"But that's just it. What if it did mean something?"

"Do you want it to mean something?" Sara pressed.

Felicity let go of the tears she had been holding back and fell into Sara's arms.

"I just don't know what to do. Everything in my life is falling apart. My friendship with Oliver is completely ruined. I have no idea what I wanna do after graduation. My dad keeps pressuring me about joining the company and Ronnie is going to break up with me. And don't even try to tell me he won't because he will if I tell him Oliver and I kissed." Felicity sobbed.

Sara patted her friends back and ran a hand over her hair. She met Charlotte's gaze over Felicity's shoulder. Charlotte bit her lip and lifted her shoulders. She didn't know what to do either. They let Felicity cry for a moment, until she pulled herself back together.

"Hey. You will always have us." Charlotte said, a comforting smile on her face.

Felicity sighed heavily and returned the favor with the tiniest of smiles. her eyes were red and puffy. She started wiping at them furiously and bit her bottom lip.

"Besides. You don't have to have it all figured out yet."

"You guys do. You know what you wanna do with your lives. I mean, Charlotte, you wanna be a doctor, for crying out loud." She smiled proudly at her friend, but the smile didn't completely reach her eyes, the sadness still in them. Felicity looked over at Sara.

"And you, Art History. That's just so cool and grown-up."

Sara chuckled. "We are going to help you find something you love, you know. That's what friends are for."

"And we're always here if you need to rant about everything shitty your father has said or done, you know that." Charlotte added.

Felicity smiled a little.

"But you are going to have to figure out what you're going to do about Ronnie and Oliver. I mean, sure, we can give you advice, but you probably won't listen to it anyway." Sara said, chuckling softly as she tried to lighten the mood a little.

"Felicity, I think you should tell him." Charlotte spoke softly, putting a hand on Felicity's upper arm.

"You really think so?" She asked, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth.

Charlotte nodded."I am nearly positive that he will get angry at first, and things will be tough between you two." She said, a soft smile on her face as she took Felicity's hand.

"But, if he really loves you, he will get over it." Sara finished, taking Felicity's other hand, softly running her thumb over her knuckles.

"Okay." Felicity said, nodding. "I'll tell him."

She sniffled and looked from one to the other. "I don't know what I would do without you two."

She pulled them in for a hug, one that lasted for a long while as they drew strength and comfort from each other. Sara was the first to break the silence.

"Now that we're confessing stuff, I have to tell you guys something too."

They pulled out of their threeway-hug but never let go completely, holding on to each other's hands instead. Felicity and Charlotte stared at Sara in anticipation. Sara just smiled and shrugged.

"I met someone." She smiled and looked down at her hands.

"That's great, Sara! What's his name?" Charlotte asked, scooting closer, a bright smile on her face, reaching from ear to ear.

Sara chuckled and shook her head. "Well, her name is Anne. She studies Psychology at SCU, she loves dogs, is really into yoga and is a complete dork when it comes to TV-shows."

She would never forget the surprise written all over her friends faces. Felicity closed her mouth when she realized it was hanging open. Sara started laughing and Charlotte shook her head in confusion.

"Wait what?" She said.

"Really?" Felicity asked, a soft smile on her face.

Sara smiled proudly and nodded. "Yeah. We met at the coffee-shop. She was always there when I was on my shift and one day I just wrote my number on her cup and now were texting and we went out for coffee once."

"I didn't realize you were into girls." Charlotte said.

Sara shrugged. "Neither did I. It just kind of happened, I guess."

"I'm happy for you, Sara." Felicity said, softly squeezing Sara's hand.

Charlotte nodded in agreement. "Me too, you deserve it."

"Thanks." Sara smiled and let out a puff of air in relief. "And thank you for being so cool about this. You're the first people I told, and I didn't really know how you guys would react. I mean, some people can be really opposed to this kind of stuff and I'm just really glad that you two are not."

"Oh, Sara. We could never hate you. You're our best friend, always have been, always will be. You don't have to worry we are going to reject you because of your sexuality." Felicity said calmly. Charlotte nodded and smiled brightly at Sara.

Sara sighed again and smiled at the both of them. "Thank you." She whispered when she pulled the two of them back into a hug. Felicity ran a hand over Sara's hair as Charlotte rubbed her back.

"Always." Charlotte murmured.

"Now can we please go back to watching that ridiculous movie?" Sara asked, pulling out the hug and shaking off her nerves.

"Hey! It's a classic!" Felicity said, putting a hand over her heart.

Sara chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Whatever, let's just watch it."

The three girls laughed in unison and got comfortable against the pillows, wrapping themselves in the comforters, each with a nice hot cup of coffee. The rest of the day was spent in bed and later in the hotel-spa, so they could concentrate on getting happy and relaxed instead of constantly worrying about things that were out of their hands so they could enjoy the day to the fullest. Felicity had made the decision to tell Ronnie what had happened between her and Oliver. She hated lying to him so she vowed to herself that she wouldn't do it again. Even if that meant confessing that she might have feelings for Oliver. How hard it would be, she didn't know, but he deserved the truth.

So, a week later, she was on a train to Central City to talk to Ronnie. She got to his dorm room after she dropped off her stuff at the hotel she was staying in. If things would go well, she figured she could take him there and they would have some privacy, not having to worry about his roommate getting home early.

She knocked on his door and waited, tucking her bottom lip between her teeth. To say she was nervous was a big understatement. She had to take deep breaths to stop herself from shaking and crumbling into a puddle onto the floor. She was about to change her mind when the door swung open, a smiling Ronnie standing in the opening, wearing the plaid shirt she loved on him.

"Felicity! You're here!" he beamed, lunging forward, wrapping his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground and twirling her around.

The warm welcome soothed her nerves a little and she smiled warmly at him.

"Hello to you too." She chuckled, as he pressed a chaste kiss on her lips.

He put her back on her feet and smiled at her. "I've missed you."

"It's only been a few weeks." She said, quirking up her eyebrow.

"Yeah, but still." He shrugged and kissed her temple.

They walked into his room. It was dark, the shutters were halfway closed, only letting a little light fill the room. There were some desk lights that were burning, but the main light was off. But what surprised Felicity most was that there was a girl in his room. Long reddish brown hair and a sweet face smiled at her.

"Felicity, This is Caitlin. We're working on a project about particle acceleration together."

"Hi." Felicity said with a little wave of her hand. He turned to the girl whose name was apparently Caitlin.

"Cait, this is Felicity, my girlfriend." Caitlin smiled and reached out her hand.

"Lovely to meet you, Ronnie has told me all about you."

Felicity smiled and shook Caitlin's offered hand.

"Oh, has he?" She turned to playfully glare at Ronnie.

Caitlin chuckled. "Don't worry, he only ever talks about how wonderful you are."

Felicity smiled and nudged Ronnie in the ribs.

"Well, it was nice to meet you, but unfortunately, I have a date with my physics book. There's a big test tomorrow."

Felicity smiled and nodded. "Likewise. And good luck."

"Thank you." Caitlin said, before she turned to Ronnie. "I'll talk to you later."

Ronnie nodded. "Later."

And with that, she was gone, closed the door behind her. Ronnie turned to Felicity and put his hands on her waist, pulling her against him.

"So what was it you wanted to talk about. You sounded pretty distressed over the phone.

Felicity nodded and gestured to the bed. "Can we sit?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever you need." He said, taking her hands in his as they sat down on one of the most uncomfortable mattresses Felicity had ever sat on.

"I really don't know how to tell you this, you see, I didn't want this to happen, but it did, and I can't change that."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Ronnie asked suddenly.

"What?! NO! Why does everyone immediately think that! That's ridiculous".

"Oh thank god!" Ronnie exhaled in relief, chuckling to himself.

Felicity rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ronnie, I'm being serious here. I need to tell you something and it's already hard as it is. Please."

"I'm sorry. This isn't funny. You can tell me."

"Promise me you won't be mad? That you'll think about it from my point of view and know that it was an honest mistake and I'm not planning on letting it happen again."

"Felicity….You know that's unreasonable." She did know that, but she was just hoping she could use the 'you promised' card if he got mad at her.

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Oliver and I kissed." The room fell silent except for the buzzing of the computer.

"What?!" Ronnie said. He swallowed hard, and she could hear his breathing speeding up.

She didn't respond, she tried to focus on keeping herself calm, so that she wouldn't say anything stupid.

"When?" He asked, running a hand over his face.

Felicity closed her eyes and swallowed. She could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes and she realized what a huge mistake this had been. But she couldn't turn back now, she could just try to get out of here with as much dignity as she had left.

"Felicity answer me. Please." Ronnie begged.

"New Year's Eve." She said, her voice breaking.

"Oh my god." Ronnie exhaled heavily and stood up, running his hands over his face again as he started pacing across the room.

"All this time." He muttered to himself, covering his mouth with one hand, the other finding his hip.

"All this time and you didn't tell me?!" He snapped, his hands moved into his hair. He kicked the bathroom door in frustration. Felicity jumped, allowing the first tear to slip out of the corner of her eye.

"That was only a couple of days after we…"

Felicity's hands clasped together. "I never…." She started, voice breaking, violent sobs running through her body.

"I never wanted this to happen. We were drinking and I… we…"

"Do you have feelings for him?" Ronnie asked quietly.

Felicity wiped furiously at her cheeks and fell silent, except for the quiet sobs she tried so desperately to hide, but couldn't. A full minute, or maybe two passed. Ronnie kicked the door again. Felicity not answering him was just as much an answer. He needed to know, but he didn't want to. And it didn't hurt any less.

"Felicity." He turned around to look at the broken girl sitting on his bed. "Please leave."

Her head shot up, cheeks red, eyes puffy. She started shaking her head, slowly at first, begging him not to do this.

"Ronnie please. Please don't do this. I love you. I'm so sorry."

"What do you want me to say Felicity?! I asked you 6 months ago if you had feelings for Oliver and you lied to me. Straight to my face!"

"I didn't! It doesn't matter if I feel anything for Oliver. I wanna be with you. I'm in love with you, Ronnie."

He ran his hands over his face and exhaled loudly. "Please. Just leave. I can't do this right now."

Wiping away the tears that were still streaming down her cheeks, Felicity grabbed her bag and stood up, slowly moving towards the door. Her bottom lip started trembling and she closed her eyes once her hand was on the doorknob, silent tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

"Is it over?" She asked, looking up at Ronnie, hopefulness in her eyes.

"I think maybe it is." He said, gaze averted as he leaned against the door.

She sniffled and nodded slowly. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

And that was it. Felicity lowered her head, reaching behind, grasping the clasp of the necklace Ronnie had given her. She took it off and put it in on the small dresser next to the door. She didn't want maybes. She wanted a decision. So she made it. This was the end of their relationship.

"Goodbye, Ronnie." She whispered, not waiting for an answer before stepping out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Oliver was surprised when he received her call to say the least. They hadn't spoken for almost two weeks, which was a new record. He was well aware of how awkward things had been between them, but he never regretted kissing her. Never for a second. Felicity however, he wasn't sure. It must have been hard, because of her relationship with Ronnie. He didn't know if she told him about the kiss, but he knew her well enough to know that the guilt would be eating at her. It was around 11:30 pm when his phone had chimed.

"Ol'ver!" She slurred. Her voice was muffled by the loud music playing in the background. Oliver sat up a little straighter on the couch in his apartment.

"Felicity?! Where are you? Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not 'kay, please come pick me up." She begged, her voice breaking. She didn't need to ask him twice.

"I will, I promise. Where are you?"

"I don't know, at some club…"

"What does it look like, describe it for me."

She took a deep stammering breath. "Everything is pink, and it's so loud, people are dancing really weird."

At least she was still lucid enough to describe what the club looked like because he knew exactly where she was.

"Alright. Stay where you are, I'm on my way." He said as he pulled his arm through the sleeve of his jacket and stepped outside, slamming the door behind him in his hurry.

"Please hurry, Oliver. I'm scared."

"Felicity, listen to me carefully. Don't drink anything, take a few deep breaths and stay calm. I'll be there in 30 minutes okay?"

"Okay." She murmured.

It took him about twenty minutes to get from his apartment off-campus to the city's nightlife district. He parked his car on the curb right in front of the club Felicity had described. It was probably the most obnoxious club he had ever been in, lots of neon color and glow in the dark body paint. He hated it here. His friends from college had dragged him to it once for what they had called a 'rave'. Oliver had gotten sick after someone had put something in his drink and he had vowed to never go there again. But, for Felicity, he would do anything. And he was pretty sure something similar to what had happened to him that night had happened to her.

He got past the bouncer without any problems and moved through the club to find his best friend with her hands covering her face, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, sitting on a bright pink fluffy couch in a corner. There were streaks of pink, green, blue and orange glow in the dark paint covering her arms and clothes. She looked like a mess. Oliver pushed his way through the crowd. He got to his knees in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face. She had definitely been crying.

Placing his hands on either side of her face, he looked into her eyes. Her pupils were slightly dilated and he could feel her heart racing at the pulse point on her neck. She was definitelyhigh on XTC.

"Ol'ver " She moaned as she reached for his shirt and started sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her shaking body.

"What happened? Why are you in Central?" He asked loud enough so she could hear him above the screaming music.

"I told Ronnie." She sobbed.

That was all the explanation Oliver needed. He knew exactly what she had told Ronnie and he knew exactly how it had ended. Not good. He would have to avoid the department of engineering for a while. Not that he really came near those nerds anyway. He pulled Felicity's arm around his shoulders to help her up.

"Come on. We're getting out of here."

Felicity mewled in agreement, letting Oliver support her weight. He moved them to the exit and out into the cool March air. Felicity suddenly let go of him, taking a few steps into an alley and hurled. Oliver was by her side instantly, holding back her hair and wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her up. He was kind of glad that she had thrown up, because most of the drugs and alcohol must have gotten out of her system that way. Fat ugly tears were streaming down her face once she stood back up. He leaned her against the cool brick of the building, a few paces away from the mess she'd made.

She moaned softly when he took her face between his hands. Her eyes fell shut. Her already rapid breathing fastened and she started shaking even more violently before hurling once again.

"What is happening to me?" She cried, leaning forward, snaking her arms around him underneath the warmth of his leather jacket.

"I think someone drugged your drink." Oliver said, softly running his fingers through her hair, trying to sooth her. He could feel his t-shirt getting wet from her tears. He kissed the top of her head and stepped away, taking her face in his hands again so he could look at her. She was a complete mess to say the least. Mascara running down her cheeks, smudges of glow in the dark paint on her chin, forehead and in her hair. And that was just her face. She was also missing an earring, and her outfit was all kinds of disheveled.

"Ronnie broke up with me." She said it as if she realized it for the first time that night. Her eyes went wide and her bottom lip started trembling. Oliver ran his thumb over her cheek.

"I know…I know…Come on, we're gonna get out of here okay?" He jerked his head in the direction of his car. She nodded slowly, letting go of him and taking a deep breath, straightening her back before a violent shiver ran through her. The gentleman that he was, Oliver immediately shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"Thank you." She whispered, throat so dry there was almost nothing to hear.

He pulled an arm around her and guided her to the car. He still had to support most of her weight. Her knees were wobbly and she kept tripping in her heels. They made it to the car in one piece. He helped her inside, fastening her seatbelt for her. She was too disoriented to do it herself. She stared out in the distance, so distance and non-responding that it was almost scary. Oliver got into the driver's seat and brought the car to life. She jumped up, suddenly wide-awake, eyes wide, gasping for air.

"Hey, hey. It's just the engine." He put a hand on her knee, trying to calm her down but things only got worse from there. She stared at him in shock, and then her expression turned into one of rage.

"You!" She screamed. "You! It's all your fault!" Angry tears fell down her cheeks as she yelled at him, hands balling up in fists.

Oliver stared at her in horror. He didn't know what to do. He knew one of the side-effects of XTC was mood-swings but he had never experienced them like this.

"You kissed me and ruined my relationship! You did it on purpose!" She yelled, tripping over her own words and grabbing the sleeve of his shirt.

"Stop it." He growled. It would be of no use for him to get angry at her. He would probably only make it worse.

"You are the reason he broke up with me! You ruined my life, you bastard!" She screamed between her sobs.

"Felicity! STOP! That's enough!" He yelled. Her eyes went wide, but it worked, she fell silent, except for the sobs that still ran through her body.

"Listen to me. I kissed you because I love you. Not because I wanted to hurt you, or because I wanted to 'ruin' your relationship."

Felicity crossed her arms over her chest. Her breathing slowed a little, her gaze softening.

"You love me?" She whispered. Her hands fell into her lap and she averted her gaze.

"Yeah. I do." He reached out and took one of her hands in his, softly stroking his thumb across her knuckles. She started crying again and he couldn't help but wonder how she could have any tears left.

"Now can we please go home?" He begged, squeezing her hand.

She nodded and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Promise you won't yell at me anymore?"

"Promise." She said, nodding again, a tiny hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Oliver sighed in relief and let go of her hand, placing it back on the steering wheel. He pulled out of the parking spot and drove them through the city. Felicity was silent while they drove, apart from the occasional left-over sob that shook her frame. Oliver took her to his place so he could keep an eye on her instead of taking her back to her hotel and leaving her all alone. He figured it would be better for her to have him near. Plus, he didn't know what hotel she was staying in. He didn't even know she was in Central City until an hour ago.

When they got to his apartment twenty minutes later Felicity had fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted from all the crying. Oliver carried her inside with some help from the doorman to unlock his door and put her to bed in the got rid of her shoes and dirty clothes, putting her in one of his t-shirts. He would have liked to undress her under different circumstances but this was hardly the time to think about that. He stayed by her side for an hour until she stopped tossing and turning. Kissing her forehead he walked to his own bedroom, crashing onto his bed, too exhausted to put on pajama's, hopelessly wondering about what she would remember of their conversation.

The smell of waffles and coffee awoke her to following morning, a pounding headache behind her eyes. She groaned in relief as she saw the aspirin and the glass of water on the bedside table. She quickly downed the medicine and tried to get to her feet. She didn't remember much of the previous night, but as she looked around she realized she must have ended up at Oliver's place instead of her hotel. Since that wasn't her original plan and she had such a terrible hangover things must have gone south with Ronnie. She swallowed hard as she shuffled through the hall towards the kitchen. She wasn't going to think about that too much right now.

"Good morning." Oliver said, smiling softly at her when she walked into the kitchen.

"Mornin' What did I do last night?" She said, pushing her hand against her forehead.

Oliver smirked and chuckled. "What do you remember?"

"I remember why I was drinking, but after that…it's pretty much blank. How did I even end up here?"

"You called me. You were crying and asked me to come pick you up from literally the worst club you could have picked out in the entire city."

She groaned and pulled herself onto one of the bar stools. "Really? It was that bad?"

"Yeah. But hey, at least we can have a normal conversation again without you avoiding me every chance you get. That's something right?"

Felicity looked down at her hands and pressed her lips together.

"I'm sorry, Oliver. It's just that….after New Year's Eve…"

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize."

"Actually, I should, because I kind of blamed you for what happened, for putting me in that position with Ronnie, but I realize now that it was just as much me as it was you."

She stared him dead in the eyes as she spoke and he couldn't shake the feeling that there was a deeper meaning behind what she was saying. That there was a possibility she did remember what he had told her last night and that maybe, just maybe, she reciprocated those feelings.

"Apology accepted." He said softly, handing her a steaming hot cup of coffee.

She smiled brightly at him, folding her hands around her cup. "Thanks. For everything."

 

* * *

 

**Extra's:**

Outfits: [Sleepover](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=140566137), [Ronnie & Felicity talk](http://www.polyvore.com/when_im_with_you_chapter/set?id=140566185), [Felicity goes out drinking her sorrows away](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=140566229&.locale=nl), [the morning after](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=140566327&.locale=nl)


	12. Too Much

**_**Happy Birthday to me! This is my gift to you! Have fun reading and thank you so much for the continued support! xo Hannah** _ **

_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_There's no need for us to rush this through_   
_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_This is more than just a new lust for you_

_I, I,_   
_Feel like you're by my side_   
_Laying upside down_   
_Girl let's pour a glass_   
_And you're on my mind_   
_Oh I_

_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_There's no need for us to rush this through_   
_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_This is more than just a new lust for you_

_I, I,_   
_Don't give up_   
_When your heart stop_   
_And you tell me that you care! That you care!_   
_Don't give up_   
_When your heart stop_   
_And you tell me something's gone wrong_   
_Whole hearted, whole hearted_   
_You care, I know you care about me_   
_You care about me_   
_I know you care about me_   
_I know you do_   
_Oh I,_

_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_There's no need for us to rush this through_   
_(Don't rush it through)_   
_Don't think about it too much, too much, too much, too much_   
_There's no need for us to rush it through_

* * *

It was a beautiful day for a graduation ceremony. The sun was out, shining as brightly as she possibly could. There was a light breeze that tugged at the red gowns the graduates were wearing. The principal had started the ceremony with a long speech about Starling Academy's long history and it's results. Miss Carson stepped forward towards the podium, adjusting the height of the microphone a little.

"The class of 2005 is proud to announce their valedictorian: Felicity Meghan Rebecca Merlyn. Felicity is the daughter Of Malcolm and Rebecca Merlyn. Sadly, Rebecca passed away, but she is with us in our hearts. Felicity is an exceptional high school senior, who has made straight A's throughout her six years at Starling Academy while being enrolled in ten honors classes and four AP classes. She has held the number one ranking after every semester with a perfect 4.0 GPA."

The audience applauded along with Miss Carson. She made eye-contact with Felicity, who was sitting in the front row, flanked by Charlotte and Sara. She smiled brightly and Felicity returned the favor.

"Please give a warm welcome to Felicity Merlyn, the class of 2005 valedictorian." The crowd applauded and some of her classmates cheered as Felicity made her way onto the stage. The woman waited for her to reach the podium and hugged her shortly. Felicity smiled brightly at her and turned to adjust the height of the microphone.

"Thank you, Miss Carson." She spoke, watching her favorite teacher sit back down in her chair at the back of the stage, in front of the huge banner. Felicity cleared her throat and looked down at the cards she held in her hands.

"Good morning family, friends, faculty, and fellow graduates."

Felicity smiled, meeting Sara's gaze. Sara smiled at her and gave her two encouraging thumbs-up.

"I'd like to welcome you all to this very special occasion. I know most of us have been waiting for this moment ever since that first day of freshmen year. Well, we did it. All fifty-four of us managed to get our hands on that piece of paper. Congratulations."

The audience cheered and Felicity chuckled.

"Unfortunately, my mother isn't the only person who couldn't be here so I would also like to take a moment to think about the people we wish were here today."

She swallowed hard, and lowered her head, taking her mother's heart-shaped locket between her fingers. Her mom would be so proud of her. Felicity still missed her, every day. She took a deep breath and smiled a little. She looked down at her hands, taking a moment of silence for all the people her fellow graduates had lost or who were too far away to be present. She took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm honored to be given the opportunity to stand here before you today, reflecting upon our past years at Starling Academy, predict our outstanding, bright futures and hopefully reduce you all to tears."

The audience chuckled and Felicity let out a short, breathy laugh. She was nervous. God, she had never been this nervous in her entire life. It may sound silly because she didn't have a lot to be nervous about, but she didn't want to let her classmates down with a shitty graduation speech.

"I'm positive that there is another person sitting before me today that could have done a better job than me. Someone who's way better at public speaking and someone who actually knows what to do with their life after high school."

She shrugged shortly, a low chuckle running through the audience. She looked down at the cards and spoke again.

"I'll admit, when I started writing this speech I found it difficult to encapsulate what the Academy meant to me, other than a place to go and worship Principal Fitzgerald every day."

Someone whistled and Felicity, with most of the crowd, laughed.

"I would like to say that it has been a privilege, to be a part of this community for so long and I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about when I say that there might be a teeny tiny chance that I'm going to miss the warm, familiar, slightly itchy feel of our Starling Academy sweaters. For a long time now, this has been our identity. I know that many of us, myself included, would have liked to express our individuality and personality, but the uniform gave us a sense of unity. Of togetherness. Something that without those itchy blue sweaters we would have missed out on. And I am going to miss that."

The audience went silent, and she could see some of her classmates, including Sara and Charlotte, grab each other's hands and hold on tight.

"It was in those clothes that I learned English, Algebra and most of Chemistry. Mrs. Richards has a very soft voice, it's not my fault."

The joke managed to ease some of the built up tension and people were smiling again. Maybe in reverie, maybe in happiness. Felicity didn't know, and didn't really care. At least they were smiling.

"When I look out at all of you today, I'm surprised to see the staff of Big Belly Burger isn't actually here. The manager will surely be sad to see his best customers go."

Now people were full on laughing. It was true, the Big Belly Burger-joint downtown was always, and that meant always, occupied with at least one or two students from Starling Academy. The burgers there were so good they could even make the preppiest and snobbiest people melt into a puddle out of pure bliss. The corners of Felicity's lips ticked upwards in a soft smile as she remembered all the fun times she had had there.

"What I do see is the smiles of good friends who have grown up with me over the last six years."

She smiled wider, looking down at the people she would most likely never see again, at least most of them. Maybe in five or ten years at their high school reunion.

"It is with this sight that I now speak directly to you, my fellow graduates. I would like to say something insightful about our future, but the truth is, I'm absolutely terrified. I may have earned the title of Valedictorian, but that doesn't mean I have it all figured out. In fact, I won't even be going to college next year, foolishly choosing to 'find myself' first. You can tell me I'm crazy at the reception afterwards."

Some people started whispering, but Felicity paid no attention to it. She knew how people here thought about not going to college, but she didn't care. She was only seventeen, and she didn't even know who she was, what her passions were, and she didn't see a point in going to college to study something she didn't absolutely love.

"Maybe I don't know what to do with my life right now, but I sure did when I was younger, and I'm positive you all did too. When we were about five, people would ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up and they got answers like astronaut, chef, president, or in my case, a superhero."

People in the audience started chuckling, making Felicity smile as she continued.

"When we were ten, they asked again. We answered movie-star, writer, business man, or like me, a brain surgeon."

"But now that we're graduating, people expect a serious answer. Well, how about this:" She paused for a moment and smirked. "Who the hell knows."

Cheering erupted from the crowd. Felicity blushed and chuckled before turning full life advice mode as Charlotte had called it when they were rehearsing the speech.

"This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Big mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Mistakes you thought you'd never make again."

"Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love. A lot. Major in Philosophy because there is just no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again because nothing is permanent."

"Growing up isn't what we expected it to be now is it?"

"So, make as many mistakes as you can, so that when someday, they ask us again, we won't have to guess. We'll know."

The audience erupted in applause and cheering. People stood up to give her a standing ovation. Felicity smiled brightly and laughed.

"Thank you." She said before smiling at the crowd one last time and walking back to her seat. Sara and Charlotte hugged her close, squealing about what a great speech it had been and how proud they were of her. Slowly but surely the audience quieted down enough for principal Fitzgerald to start handing out diploma's. A congratulations, a handshake and the flipping of the tassel attached to her cap later and Felicity was finally holding her diploma. Her friends and family cheered when her name was called and she walked on stage. When every graduate had their piece of paper the principal announced them as officially graduated.

Applause erupted from the crowd as the students tossed their caps up in the air, hugging each other close because this was one of the final moments they got to spend together. Tagging Charlotte and Sara along, Felicity ran towards where she knew Oliver, Moira, Thea, Robert and Malcolm were seated. Sara's family sat nearby, Detective Lance looking so proud of his daughter.

"I'll see you two at the reception!" Charlotte yelled as she ran towards her boyfriend, Max, her parents and her little brother coming up behind him.

Oliver was the first to reach Felicity, pulling her into his arms and twirling her around. She laughed and Thea squealed as she hugged her around the waist. Felicity laughed and smiled softly at her father, and then at Robert and Moira. They were all smiling, Moira just a tiny bit brighter than the two men. She stepped forward and pulled Felicity in for a hug.

"We're so proud of you." She said softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"And what a great speech." Robert said, wrapping an arm around her. She chuckled and hugged him close. Robert and Moira had been a big part of her life ever since she was a little girl. Moira was a close to a mother she would ever have, and even though Malcolm tried to be a dad from time to time, he wasn't very good at it, so that left Robert to take his place as the main father figure in her life.

Slowly, Felicity pulled out of the hug and turned to Malcolm. He was smiling. It was a tiny smile, but a smile nonetheless. She wasn't in the mood for resentment and sadness so she hugged him too. She didn't care. She just wanted her father to hug her for once. And he did. His hands made their way around her back, one of them slowly stroking up and down.

"Your mother would be so proud of you, Felicity. And so am I." He said quietly.

"I remember the day you were born so clearly, such a tiny little squirming bundle in my arms, and seeing you up there on that stage. To see you grow into the wonderful young woman you are. I have no words for how proud I am to be your father. And I know I had my doubts about it, but the blonde hair really does suit you."

She chuckled softly and whispered. "Thanks dad. That means a lot."

Pulling out of the hug, she releases a huff of air out of relief and turns around to face her second family. Oliver and Thea are almost exploding with excitement, Moira and Robert smiling proudly at her, Roberts hand never leaving Moira's hip.

"Well, I believe it's time to go celebrate!" Oliver said, smiling brightly.

Thea clapped her hands and stepped closer towards Felicity. Felicity laughed and nodded. After the ceremony there would be a big reception held in the school ballroom. A school with a ballroom? Yeah, Starling Academy had it for no apparent reasons but to shove it in people's faces. But, nevertheless, it was a great space for celebrations like this. The group of graduates and their friends and families were invited inside, handed a flute of celebratory champagne, even though the graduates weren't even twenty-one yet. It couldn't hurt, right? Then, after a brief toast from the principal, the festivities were set in motion. There was an exquisite banquet for lunch and waiters with various hors d'oeuvres and more champagne were circling the room. There was room to dance, a bar and enough seating space for everyone.

Oliver walked over to where Felicity was swaying to the music with Thea, her small hands held tight in her own. They laughed as their hips moved to the beat. Oliver put a hand on Felicity's lower back. Her head shot up in surprise.

"Hey Thea, can I borrow my best friend for a second?"

The ten year old nodded. "Sure Ollie, I've been wanting to try those cupcakes anyway."

Oliver and Felicity chuckled and watched her skip off to the buffet. Felicity turned to face him, smiling up at him.

"So, what can I help you with today, Mr. Queen."

"Well, miss Merlyn, I wanted to give you something." Oliver reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box. Felicity smiled as he handed her the box.

"How awfully nice of you." She squeezed his hand and opened the box.

Laying inside was a thin leather cord with a single charm in the shape of a key.

"I've got one too." Oliver said, holding up his wrist around which a similar cord was tied. But instead of a key, his charm was in the shape of a lock. Felicity sighed wistfully and blushed a little.

"I love it. Tie it for me?" She asked, handing him the bracelet. He fastened the cord around her wrist, letting his fingers linger maybe slightly too long, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you." She whispered as she stepped closer to hug him. She felt so tiny as his arms enveloped her. So tiny and breakable, but Oliver knew better than to judge her by her appearance. Felicity was one of the strongest people he knew, and still secretly loved. He often looked for distractions, finding it with several girls in several beds, but none of them could even compare in the slightest bit for what he felt for Felicity. Oliver buried his face in Felicity's curls, the smell of her lavender shampoo infiltrating his nostrils.

Reluctantly, he had to pull away when he saw Sara and Laurel approaching. Sara was smiling brightly, her eyes lighting up as her gaze fell upon a slightly flushed Felicity.

"Felicity!" She called. "I've been looking all over for you."

Felicity chuckled. "I've been right here the whole time."

She looked behind Sara and smiled at Laurel. "Hi, Laurel! Long time no see. How's UCLA?"

Laurel smiled and stepped a little closer. "It's great. I'm thinking about going to Law school after I graduate."

"That's great!" Felicity said, reaching for Laurel's hand. "I can totally picture you being a lawyer."

Laurel chuckled. "Thanks."

"Okay, enough chit-chat. Sorry Oliver, I'm going to have to steal your girl. Felicity and I have to locate the third musketeer and reminisce about our time here while we set our prank for Fitzgerald in place."

Oliver lifted his eyebrows before chuckling. Laurel stared at her sister in disbelief as she pulled Felicity with her to go find Charlotte and pry her away from Max.

Laurel turned to look at Oliver, who was shaking his head. She smiled and tilted her head to the side.

"You look good, Laurel."

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself. How have you been, Ollie?"

"Good. I transferred to Central City University, much better fit for me than Harvard."

"That's great. Still studying business?"

Oliver nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. "So you're gonna be a lawyer?"

"Well, yeah, I'm planning on it." Laurel smiled a little, turning so she could look at him better.

"I think you're going to be a great one." Oliver smiled and nodded.

They were silent for a moment, the awkwardness of the way they had split up a year ago still lingering. Laurel looked down at her hands, fidgeting with one of the rings she was wearing.

"I'm sorry. I have to ask, are you and Felicity a thing? I mean, it's not that I'm jealous or anything, but Sara called her 'your girl' so I guess I'm just curious."

Oliver let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. "Felicity and I are not a thing."

Laurel nodded and smiled at him. "Alright. If you say so."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oliver frowned.

"Nothing. It's just that if you ever need to let go of all that pent up frustration, you know where to find me."

And with that, she patted him on the shoulder and walked away. Oliver turned to look after her. Apparently his feelings for Felicity were quite obvious, but even though Oliver was so clearly in love with his best-friend, he was still considering Laurel's offer. He had been considering the option since she walked over to him with that smile on her face. Laurel was his first. The first girl he cared about. In a romantic way, that was, because otherwise Felicity and Thea would beat her fair and square. But, their relationship had ended because of false accusations and maybe Laurel had started to regret it. If he couldn't be with Felicity, why couldn't he be with the next best thing? Someone who was available. Someone whose friendship wasn't too important to him to take the risk.

Meanwhile, the girls had sneaked into principal Fitzgerald's office. Why the man kept it unlocked, they would never know. Sara smacked a large pile of post-it notes in all kinds of shapes and colors onto his desk.

"Well, get to sticking, ladies." She said, smirking as she put her hands on her waist.

Charlotte giggled. "I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"We have to go out with a bang, right." Felicity laughed.

They had been planning this for weeks, trying to come up with the perfect goodbye prank. They had considered filling his office with balloons, but that would take too much time. Time that they definitely did not have. Each of them grabbed a stack and started sticking the notes to any flat surface they could find. They worked in near silent concentration for about thirty minutes, until Felicity ran out of post-its.

"Hey Sara?"

Sara turned around. "Yeah?"

"Why isn't Anne here? Did you guys break-up?"

Sara walked over to the desk, Felicity standing on the other side. Charlotte had stopped sticking notes to and had turned around to look at her two best friends.

"No…uhmm. I…I just haven't told my parents yet." Sara muttered.

"Oh." Felicity said and nodded slowly.

"Why not?"

Sara shrugged. "I don't know. I'm scared I guess. That they're going to see me differently. Treat me differently, and not in a positive manner, if you get what I'm saying."

"We're here for you, you know that right?" Felicity said, softly smiling and reaching for Sara's hand.

"Yeah. I know." She whispered, smiling at the both of them. Charlotte stepped forward and grabbed Sara's free hand.

"But, do we at least get to meet her before we leave for college? Because Stanford is a long way away, and I won't be able to visit too often. I wanna make sure you are in good hands." Charlotte said, pushing her bottom lip outward and using her puppy-dog eyes.

Sara laughed and nodded. "I think something can be arranged. But now that we're talking about boyfriend/girlfriends: Felicity, what's the deal with Oliver?"

Felicity looked shocked. "What are you talking about? There is no deal with Oliver."

"Are you sure? You two have become awfully inseparable."

"He's my best friend." Both Charlotte and Sara looked at her in mock hurt. Felicity shook her head a little. "I mean, my best guy friend."

"Felicity, please. Are you seriously that blind?" Charlotte said, putting a hand on her hip.

"That boy is head over heels in love with you."

Felicity's eyes went wide, eyebrows knitting together.

"Oh my god, she doesn't know." Sara said, mouth falling open, nudging Charlotte's arm.

Felicity shook her head. "You two are crazy. Oliver is not in love with me. He would have told me."

"Did you tell him you're in love with him?" Sara asked, eyebrows raised.

"No, of course not." Felicity shook her head and threw her hands up.

"So you do have feelings for him!" Charlotte exclaimed, smiling brightly, a giggle escaping from her lips.

"What?! NO, you guys tricked me into saying that." She crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Yeah right. We all know it, Felicity, don't even try to deny it." Sara smirked and rolled her eyes.

Felicity's shoulders slumped and she sighed. Maybe it was true that she was in love with her best friend, maybe it wasn't, but the one thing she was absolutely sure about was that fighting these two on the subject was of no use. They were interrupted by a sound coming from the hallway.

"Crap! We're gonna get made." Sara said. "We need to move."

They were lucky there was a second door in the office, leading to the teacher's lounge. They made it out in the nick of time, and ran for the door leading to the hallway. Once they were in the safety of the empty hall, they burst out in laughter. Felicity doubled over, catching her breath.

"Why did we have to wear heels. That was not our best idea."

Charlotte laughed and took off her shoes. "Ahh! Way better."

Sara and Felicity followed her example and they strolled back towards the ballroom, arm in arm.

"I'm going to miss this." Sara said. "Pulling crazy stunts like that."

"Me too." Felicity nodded. "You guys have to promise me that you will send me lots of stupid post-cards when you are at university, because I honestly don't know how I'm going to survive without you guys."

"Felicity. I'm only an hour away, you can come visit me any time you want." Sara said.

"Yeah, me too, but that drive may be slightly more expensive." Charlotte chuckled.

The girls laughed in unison and put their shoes back on before walking into the ballroom, enjoying the rest of their afternoon with their friends and family, celebrating one of life's greater milestones. Even though the afternoon was mostly carefree, every time Felicity's gaze flicked to Oliver, when he was laughing, whispering an inside-joke to Thea, or quickly averting his gaze because he knew she had caught him staring, she couldn't shake the feeling that they needed to have the conversation. You know the one. The one that was long overdue.

And so, near the end of the summer, on a sunny Saturday afternoon, Felicity stepped out onto the back porch of the Queen Mansion. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the little bench she had been so desperately trying to forget. But not today. Today she looked the beast in the eye with a weird kind of defiance and confidence. This awkwardness between her and Oliver needed to stop, and after what Sara and Charlotte had told her, she was ready for the truth to come out, one way or another.

She walked down the few steps to the terrace and pool. She spotted Oliver sitting on one of the lounge chairs near the edge of the swimming pool, gloriously shirtless as he was enjoying the sun. His head was bobbing up and down, what made Felicity realize he was wearing ear-plugs. His fingers tapped along to the music against the arms of the chair. Felicity chuckled and walked into his line of view. He sat up quickly when he spotted her, pulling the headphones from his ears and taking off his sunglasses.

"Felicity! Hi!" He smiled up at her.

She smiled back at him and adjusted her purse hanging in the crook of her elbow. "Raisa said I could find you here."

"Yeah, yeah. Why don't you sit down, work on your tan a little." He winked and chuckled a little.

"Actually, I'd rather stand. Can we go for a walk maybe?"

Oliver looked up in surprise, taking a second to conjure up a response. "Yeah. Sure. Of course. Let me just..ah! There it is."

He grabbed his t-shirt off of the side table and pulled it over his head. Felicity tossed her purse on the lounge chair next to the one Oliver was occupying as he put on his shoes.

"Alright. Let's go." He said, getting to his feet, hand finding Felicity's lower back as if it was the most normal thing ever. She smiled up at him, trying to ignore the tingling sensation his fingertips sent down her spine.

"So? What did you want to talk about?" Oliver asked after a moment of silence. His hand had fallen away from her back, to Felicity's relief. Because now she wouldn't be distracted from her goal.

"Can't I just hang out with my best friend?" She asked, looking up hopefully at him, smiling innocently.

Oliver scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Felicity, please, you are a terrible liar. We both know better."

"Oh do we? Then why don't you tell me why I'm here." Felicity crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him defiantly.

"You're here because I kissed you." He deadpanned.

"Yeah, and I didn't stop you, even though at the time I had a boyfriend, who I really cared about, by the way, and that relationship is now ruined because of what happened that night." She ran a hand over her hair, scolding herself for letting her foot-in-mouth-complex get away from her.

"What do you want me to say?" Oliver held up his hands, shrugging his shoulder, staring at her with sad eyes, a slight frown on his face.

She sighed and shook her head, letting her eyes fall shut for a moment.

"I don't know, Oliver. Tell me that you were drunk, that it didn't mean anything because my head is just spinning with all the possibilities and possible outcomes. Tell me that you never had feelings for me in any way, because I can't stand the uncertainty."

"Felicity…."

"Just tell me the truth. Please." Felicity pleaded.

Oliver dropped his gaze and stepped closer. When he looked back up again, she knew he had made one of the hardest decisions in his life. He was going to let her go, set her free, whatever his bullshit reason would be, she knew what he was about to say before he had said it, and she could feel her heart already shattering. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiled softly at her.

"I care about you a lot, Felicity. But I never felt something beyond friendship. I shouldn't have kissed you, I was drunk, and our friendship shouldn't suffer over this any longer. I'm sorry if I led you on…."

She shook her head and cut him off. "Yeah. Of course. It's fine."

She was pulling away, he could feel it, and he almost regretted his decision.

"Felicity…"

She shook her head again and held up a hand to stop him. "Thank you for being honest. I uhm, I have to go."

She muttered something that was the lamest excuse Oliver had ever heard, but he let her leave. He watched her retreating form as she walked back to the house. He could see her wiping at her cheeks and running her hands through her hair. He sighed heavily and let his head drop, looking out to the ground. His thumb and index finger started rubbing together, the nervous tick he never fully understood.

"It's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it." He whispered to himself.

* * *

Outfits: [Felicity](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141050015&.locale=nl), [Sara and Charlotte](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141050296&.locale=nl), [Laurel, Moira, Thea and Dinah](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141050421&.locale=nl), [Oliver, Malcolm, Max, Robert and Quentin](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141050515&.locale=nl), O[liver and Felicity talk](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141050629&.locale=nl)

 


	13. Burning Gold

_Looking for an exit in this world of fear_   
_I can see the path that leads the way_   
_Mama never left, and daddy needs me here_   
_I wish the wind would carry a change_   
_Looking through the window to a world of dreams_   
_I can see my future slip away_   
_Honey you won't get there if you don't believe_   
_I wish the wind would carry a change_

_I've had enough_   
_I'm standing up_   
_I need, I need a change_   
_I've had enough of chasing luck_   
_I need, I need a change_

_I'm setting fire to the life that I know_   
_Let's start a fire everywhere that we go_   
_We starting fires, we starting fires_   
_'Til our lives are burning gold_   
_'Til our lives are burning gold_

_Looking for my ticket to a higher place_   
_I can see my chance begin to fade_   
_One step forward and two back again_   
_I wish the wind would carry a change_

_I've had enough_   
_I'm standing up_   
_I need, I need a change_   
_I've had enough of chasing luck_   
_I need, I need a change_

_I'm setting fire to the life that I know_   
_Let's start a fire everywhere that we go_   
_We starting fires, we starting fires_   
_'Til our lives are burning gold_   
_'Til our lives are burning gold_

* * *

 

Another hundred yards and she'd made it to the top. Concentrating on her breathing, Felicity pushed herself to complete the goal she had set out for herself. Her ponytail bounced against her neck, wiping some of the sweat away. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, the beat of some song pounding in her ears. She was almost there. Almost at Starling lookout. Almost. And then she was. She did it. She slowed down, resting her hands on the railing keeping her from falling down the cliff. The city beneath her, people going about their day, the streets coming to life as the day started. Breathing heavily, Felicity let the rising sun warm her skin. She wiped her forehead on her sleeve and dried her hands on her pink running pants.

She had gotten into running, and yoga, a lot more over the last few weeks. After Oliver's revelation, which she still felt like wasn't true, she had desperately needed the output. It gave her some time to think, and a weird sense of purpose. Yeah, weird right?

It made her feel like she was doing something with her life. She had been, almost desperately looking into colleges the first few months of her gap-year, but it had led to nothing. And as the deadline for admissions came closer and closer, she had sort of given up on ever finding something. Her father had urged her to try at least something, but she would not have it.

Besides, apart from the constant searching, she enjoyed her life without school. She could sleep in, and delve into her hobbies. She learned how to cook, read all the books she had always wanted to read but never had the time to do so, learned to play the piano and she was now fluent in French and Spanish. So, the year wasn't wasted completely.

She had caught her breath and pulled her phone out of the pocket of her jacket, pausing the music and checking her texts. Her dad had called her twice and left her a text.

'Meet me in my office please. Asap. –Malcolm '

She groaned and rolled her eyes. She strolled back to the car, Frederick already waiting for her. Why her dad didn't just get her her own car instead of having her drag the poor guy along with her everywhere she went.

"How was your run, Miss Merlyn?"

"Frederick, I told you, call me Felicity. Please." She tilted her head to the side, smiling softly at the old man. He had worked for her family ever since she could remember, and it was starting to show. His hair was greyer and the lines in his face more distinctive.

"And it was lovely, thank you."

He smiled and nodded politely before opening the car door for her. She slid inside and started toying with her phone. They got home fairly quickly, she took a shower and decided on a nice pair of black jeans and a lightweight chambray blouse with some comfy leopard-print loafers. She pulled her hair into a bun, put on some make-up, grabbed her bag and she was on her way to Merlyn Global Group.

The drive didn't take long, the elevator ride up 33 floors seemed to take way longer. When the doors slid open she was greeted by her father's executive assistant, a young, frivolous brunette named Meredith. She had always liked Meredith. She was way nicer to her than her father's previous assistants. Just like Felicity, she didn't take any of Malcolm's bullshit and refused to bring him coffee. Something Felicity admired about her. Not a lot of people dared to stand up to the mighty Malcolm Merlyn. Plus, she was smart, too.

Meredith smiled at her and guided her towards her father's office like Felicity didn't know exactly where it is. Protocol, she supposed. Her dad was on the phone when they stepped inside the large office, arguing like a true business man. He nodded at Meredith when he turned around and spotted them. He gestured to the chair for Felicity to sit. She felt like she was being called into the principal's office. Meredith put a hand on her shoulder and smiled softly at her.

"Don't worry, everything is fine. Good luck." She whispered before turning on her heel and walking out of the office, closing the door behind her.

Felicity stepped forward and slumped into the chair, crossing her legs. Malcolm said his goodbyes to the person on the other end of the line and pressed the end button. He sat down in his own chair and folded his hands on top of his desk.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

Felicity quirked up an eyebrow. "Morning."

"How was your run?"

She frowned a little. "Dad. Just stop. We both know you didn't want me here to chit-chat."

Malcolm nodded. Sometimes his daughter was just too smart. It was hard to hide anything from her nowadays. "You're right."

"I've discussed it with my Vice-President and we want you to come work with us. You'll be observing at first so you can get the hang of how things work around here, find a place where you'll fit in, but it will lead to a job."

Felicity frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Really dad? I don't even have a business degree."

"Felicity. We both know that you're smarter than 90% of the people in this building. Believe me, you don't need one. And if you are my daughter, business is in your blood."

Before he could finish, she was moving to stand up. "No."

"I won't do it. I don't want to be in business."

Malcolm narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips into a firm line. He'd been hoping to avoid this, but it seemed there was no way around it.

"I wasn't asking, Felicity. Sit back down."

Her eyes widened shortly in surprise. She then glowered at him but did sit back down.

"You can't make me do this."

He smirked at her, he actually smirked at her. "Tell that to your trust funds and soon to be frozen bank accounts."

Felicity's eyes widened and she sat up a little straighter. "You wouldn't."

"In order to make sure my daughter has a bright future, oh yes I would." He said.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at him. She hated how much she relied on that money. But she didn't have anything else. She already knew she was defeated. She would have to take his offer. But, she was at least going to try to get something out of it.

"Fine. But I have a few conditions."

She rolled her eyes when Malcolm scoffed. "Already a true business woman."

"Alright. Name it and it's yours."

Felicity smirked a little. "Okay first of all, a car. I don't need poor Frederick to have to drive me around all day. Give the guy a rest."

"Deal." Malcolm said, grin in place, hand rubbing at his chin.

"An Office." She pursed her lips.

"Alright."

"And my own place. I was thinking about something with a nice view. Maybe a penthouse downtown. Hmm, yes, that'll do, I think." She stared at him defiantly. She was playing with fire, she was well aware, purposely trying to push Malcolm's buttons so he wouldn't force her to join the company. She didn't expect his answer. Like, at all.

"Alright. Whatever you want, Felicity."

She scoffed and grinned. She didn't think he would actually go through with it after that last one. She rubbed her hands together.

"And no early mornings. I'm a night owl."

Malcolm shook his head and sighed "Fine. You're starting on Monday."

"Oh, right, yes, that was my last condition. I'm not starting until, hmm, I guess a week after my birthday. I want just a few more weeks off."

"Felicity, for god's sake."

"Hey! You wanted me to do this. This is me doing it."

"Fine."

"Now, I have to get going, because you're futureless daughter has plans for the day."

Without another word and a wide smirk across her face she left her dad's office, leaving a stunned and slightly impressed Malcolm behind. Once she stepped out of the lobby on the ground floor and into the crisp January air, she asked Frederick to drive her to the café she was meeting Sara and Anne.

It had been way too long since she had spent some time with them. It was a shame that Charlotte wouldn't be able to join them, but her pre-med schedule was just downright insane.

Felicity had quickly (and strictly platonically) fallen in love with Anne. Besides the fact that she was simply stunning, with her long dark brown, almost black, hair, long limbs and cheekbones to die for, She was also bubbly, funny, smart and had the best taste in books and movies. Something she and Felicity liked to gush over every chance they got. Felicity was currently reading on of the books Anne had recommended, Looking For Alaska by John Green, and she was already loving it, carrying it everywhere she went.

And that was why, as she sat down at one of the tables in the back-yard of the café, she pulled the worn out book from her purse and flipped it open where she'd left off. She hadn't really looked around, but the terrace was beautiful. Pink roses growing against the white brick walls. The winter sun was bright, screaming for sunglasses, warming up the day slowly but surely, and after a while, the weather was nice enough for Felicity to take off her coat.

The waiter placed the coffee Felicity had ordered earlier on her table and smiled at her. She returned the favor and thanked him, stirring absentmindedly as she read. She knew she was way too early, Sara and Anne wouldn't be there for another half-hour, but Felicity enjoyed her little moment to herself, so she could process the events of that morning. She wasn't sure she was ready to join her father's company, but it was too late to back out now.

Anne and Sara arrived early.

"You're already here." Sara exclaimed, pulling her in for a hug.

Felicity. "Yeah, and you wouldn't believe the news I have."

"Ooh! Do tell!" Anne giggled before hugging Felicity as well.

Felicity laughed as they sat down. The waiter walked outside to take their orders. Felicity asked for another Latté as she had already downed the other one. She straightened her back and held up her hands.

"Promise me you guys won't freak out, because it's kind of a lot that's happening all at once, and I'm kind of excited about it, but I'll have to wait and see how it works out."

Anne tilted her head to the side, smiling at her while Sara narrowed her eyes in curiosity.

"Spill, Felicity." She said, twirling a strand of blonde hair around her finger.

"My dad wants me to join the company." She said calmly, pressing her lips together.

"What?! Don't tell me you're going to do it." Sara exclaimed.

She didn't answer, but looked down at her hands. Anne averted her gaze, pressing her lips into a firm line, absentmindedly tugging at the sleeve of her blouse. Right at that moment, the waiter came back outside and put their drinks on the little table. Sensing the tension, he got out of there as quickly as he could. Smart guy.

"Felicity! You're kidding right?" Sara exclaimed once he was out of hearing distance.

"I didn't have much of a choice in the matter, Sara. He basically forced me to come work for him."

Sara's face fell. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I got a good deal out of it. I'm getting a car and a place of my own."

"That's great. But what about college?" Sara was obviously still not entertaining the idea of Felicity in the corporate world. Felicity shrugged.

"I don't know."

"I think this might be a good thing." Anne said quietly, meeting Felicity's gaze.

Sara frowned. "What why?!"

Anne smiled and put an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders, pressing her nose to Sara's cheek.

"Because, if she doesn't like it, she'll be all the more motivated to find something else that she does enjoy."

"I can at least give it a shot, right?" Felicity said, lifting her shoulders.

Sara glared at Felicity for a second before turning to Anne and pressing a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. "I hate it when you're right." She said

Anne chuckled and smiled brightly at her when She turned back to Felicity. "Fine. But if Malcolm is being a dick you're getting the hell out of there."

Felicity placed a hand over her heart. "I hereby vow to get the hell out if my dad is being a dick."

Sara and Anne couldn't stop the giggles from bursting out. Sara ran a hand over her face and Anne buried hers in Sara's shoulder.

"Enough about me! How are you guys? Besides still too freaking adorable? It's been way too long."

Sara and Anne both burst out in laughter, exchanging a look and a smile. "We've been busy."

"Yeah. School is crazy. I mean, I love all the art and everything, but I still have to find a subject for my paper on World Culture."

Anne put her hand over Sara's. "You'll find something, don't stress it."

Sara smiled at her girlfriend, tilting her head to the side and squeezing her hand. Their coffee's arrived and Felicity licked her lips in anticipation.

"Why don't you ask Oliver if you can come with him and his dad on their trip to China? China has culture. And I'm sure it will get you some extra credit if you take your own pictures."

Sara was silent for a second, glancing over at Anne, who lifted her shoulders.

"That would be amazing, actually. You think they would let me tag along?"

"Are you kidding, of course they would, especially Robert. If I ask him there's no way he will say no."

Felicity chuckled, smirking a little. She had Robert wrapped around her little finger since she was five. She loved him, not because he would give her anything she would ever want, but because he genuinely cared about her and showed interest in her beside the mandatory father-daughter conversations.

Sara clapped excitedly, grabbing Anne's arm and beaming up at her. "I can't believe it. This is going to be great."

Anne laughed and rolled her eyes. Sara suddenly quieted, eyes widening.

"Wait? Does that mean that you and Olive are on speaking terms?"

Felicity stiffened, meeting Anne's wondering gaze and then Sara's. She put down her cup and licked her lips.

"No. Uhm, not exactly. I mean, It's not that we're not talking, but we just don't really see each other anymore."

Felicity stared at her hands. She had tried to give Oliver as little thought as possible, and it sucked. Deep down she knew he had lied to her when he told her he didn't have feelings for her, but often she just brushed it off as her own feelings for him making her see things that weren't there.

"What even happened between you two? You were so close and then….just not." Anne asked softly, reaching out a hand to put it on Felicity's arm. She shrugged.

"I guess I…I uhm thought there was something more between us, but there wasn't."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Anne said apologetically.

Felicity shook her head. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

Sara bit her lip just a little too obvious. Felicity narrowed her eyes and sat up a little straighter.

"Sara? What is it?"

Sara shook her head and took a sip of her coffee. "Nothing."

"Liar." Anne chimed in, giving her a scrutinizing look.

"What did I do to you?" Sara said, scoffing and raising her eyebrows.

"You are hiding something, you little minx." Anne poked Sara's stomach, making her giggle. She then took hold of Sara's chin, moving her face closer to Sara's, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Spill it, Sar."

Sara pouted and sighed. "Laurel and Oliver had a big fight yesterday!"

As soon as the words had left her lips she slapped a hand over her mouth. Not that Laurel had her promise not to tell anyone, because she didn't even know Sara had heard every word of the argument, but it still felt like she was betraying someone's trust and she wasn't supposed to tell them.

"About what?" Felicity asked curiously, leaning in closer, elbows on the table.

Sara pursed her lips. Anne raised an eyebrow at her, resulting in a sigh and a shake of Sara's head.

"Laurel seemed to think that their relationship was more than it in reality is, and Oliver had to make it clear to her that he has feelings for someone else."

Her eyes fell on Felicity. It took a second for Felicity to catch on and suddenly she felt like all the air got knocked out of her lungs and she was about to faint. Her eyes went wide, breathing speeding up quickly. Anne stared at her in worry, occasionally glancing at Sara, not knowing what to do. Sara just waited, concern written all over her face. She knew well enough not to push Felicity, so she simply extended a hand and put it over Felicity's.

"It doesn't change anything." She said quietly, sighing softly and shaking her head.

A week later, Thea was leading Felicity down a hallway of an apartment building. The apartment building where she would be moving into soon. Thea claimed she had a surprise for her, and even though she usually hated surprises, she couldn't deny the twelve-year old her joy. So, as they made their way towards the front door of Felicity's new apartment, Thea handed her a blindfold.

"Put it on." She ordered.

Felicity rolled her eyes and obliged.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Thea asked, checking if Felicity could see anything.

"I don't know, five." Felicity held up her hands and shrugged.

"Ha! Wrong." Thea giggled and knocked on the front door.

Felicity rolled her eyes underneath the blindfold. She could hear the door opening and she was being ushered inside. From what she could remember, they ended up in the living-room, but from the lack of sound her heels were making on the hard-wood floor, she figured someone put a rug in it. It was also warmer than the last time she had been there, a few days prior, when she and her father had signed the lease.

"Okay." Thea said, position Felicity in what was apparently the right angle.

"You can take off the blindfold now."

Felicity chuckled and pulled the piece of fabric off her head, blinking a couple of times against the brightness of the place. She was indeed standing in the living room of her new home, but instead of the bare walls and empty space, there was furniture and artwork and light fixtures and curtains and it was beautiful. She should have given the place a more proper once over, taking in the colors. The colors that she loved, and the furniture that suited her like you wouldn't believe. It was as if someone had stolen her mental picture of what she wanted the place to look like and copied it into near perfect detail.

But, in preference to that, her gaze was fixated on one thing: Oliver, casually lounging on the cream colored couch, leaning against the pastel pillows, smirk in place, holding a bouquet of pink peonies in one hand and an expensive bottle of champagne in the other.

"Nice place you got here." He said. She stood in shock as he moved to stand up, putting the bottle of champagne on the coffee-table. She hadn't seen him in so long, and not until that moment, she realized how much she had missed his familiar face. Before he was halfway to her, she leaped and closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest. He stammered back a bit, caught off guard before wrapping his arms around her back and slowly swaying her from side to side, lowering his head onto her shoulder.

Felicity didn't really know what she was supposed to say other than that she'd missed his presence in her life like crazy. The number of times she'd seen and talked to him she could count on both of her hands. His 'confession' had felt like a blow to her stomach and ever since then, their friendship had been strained, if it could have even be called a friendship anymore. Oliver pulled back a little, but not letting go of her.

"These are for you, and the bottle too, to celebrate, obviously."

She gladly accepted the flowers and smiled brightly at him. Normally she was the one nervous and babbling, but it was nice to see Oliver be the awkward one for a change.

"Thank you, they are beautiful" She said, smiling up at him.

"Can we just forget everything that happened and start over? Because I miss you like there's no tomorrow and I don't know what to do without you in my life." Oliver murmured.

"Agreed." She said, hugging him again.

He lifted her off the ground, making her laugh as he twirled her around. An impatient Thea cleared her throat, arms crossed over her chest as she tapped her foot against the hardwood floor. Oliver put Felicity back on the ground and they both laughed as they looked at her.

A smile spread across Thea's face. "But what do you think?" She asked, gesturing around the room. For the first time since they had walked in, Felicity really took in the place and sighed in amazement. She craned her head around to look at as much as she could from where she was tucked under Oliver's arm, pressed into his side. She sighed again and smiled brightly at the girl.

"I don't know how you did it, Thea, but you're a miracle worker. This is amazing, I love it!"

The sighed and smirked in satisfaction. "Good! Not that I was expecting a different reaction."

"Alright, enough with the gloating, Speedy." Oliver said, pulling Felicity even closer against him if that were even possible. He sure as hell wasn't letting go of her anytime soon.

"Ollie, please don't call me that. I hate that nickname." Thea rolled her eyes.

Oliver shook his head, mouthing the word never before smiling down at Felicity.

"Why don't we show Felicity around her newly and expertly decorated home? I'm sure she would love to see the rest of your genius."

Felicity chuckled as he removed his arm from around her shoulders and extended a hand. She took it and the three of them moved to the kitchen. Thea babbled about everything she had done to make it perfect and suit Felicity's style and Felicity lost track of the number of times she thanked her for it. Oliver never left her side, and for the first time in months, Felicity felt home.

After the tour of her simply spectacularly decorated home, they opened the bottle of champagne and ended up curled up on the couch, shoes kicked off, watching one of Thea's favorite movies, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Felicity was sitting in the middle, her legs tossed in Oliver's legs. Her head was resting on his shoulder as he kept tracing patterns just above her knee, not really paying attention to the movie. Felicity had an arm draped around Thea's shoulders. The girl had fallen asleep a little while ago, clutching the bowl of popcorn, most of her weight resting against Felicity's side.

It had already been late when they'd arrived and all the impressions and excitement had exhausted her. Her legs were pulled up under her, tucked underneath the faux-fur throw that had been carefully draped over the back of the couch before being put to good use.

Felicity watched her sleep for a while until Oliver's fingers had stopped moving against her leg.

"Felicity?" He asked quietly, his gaze transfixed on his hand on her leg.

"Yeah?" she replied in the same low tone.

"I lied." She looked at his face, but his gaze never wavered. She swallowed and licked her lips.

"I know." She said.

That's when his head shot up to look at her. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"That wouldn't have changed anything Oliver." She shrugged and smiled softly as she met his gaze.

"It wasn't about whether or not you were lying. Yeah, sure, I was angry because you lied to me because I asked for the truth. But you made that choice, and me calling you out on it wouldn't have changed anything."

Oliver's face fell. He licked his lips and swallowed, making his Adam's apple bob.

"Maybe it was the wrong choice." He said quietly, reaching for her hand and squeezing it softly.

A sad smile crept up on her lips. "Maybe it was."

She carefully maneuvered her arm from around Thea and reached out to touch his cheek, thumb stroking against his cheekbone as she stared into those familiar blue orbs. The homey feeling she felt before must have caught fire inside of her because it was blazing and burning like never before. It took her breath away a little.

"I really care about you, Oliver."

"I really care about you too, Felicity." He said, leaning into the touch of her hand against his cheek.

"Why do I feel like there's a but coming?" He asked, looking into her eyes.

She sighed and nodded. "It's not a very bad but, but it's a but. I don't know, does that even make sense?"

"Just say it, Felicity." He said, pulling her hand from his cheek and lacing his fingers with her own.

She sighed again and gave in, looking away for a second before turning back to him.

"But I don't want to ruin our friendship. I mean, we obviously have stuff to catch up on, and I don't wanna rush things. Friendship first, you know what I'm saying?"

She quirked an eyebrow up at him and bit her lip. He nodded.

"I get it. Take things slow, get back into our groove, right."

"Right." She agreed with a slight nod of her head.

Oliver smiled at her. "There is obviously something between us, always has, and that's not just going to go away, even with time."

A bright smile lit up Felicity's entire face as Oliver bended down, his gaze never leaving hers and he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. She grabbed their champagne glasses from the coffee-table, handing him his own and held hers up for a toast.

"To taking things slow." She said.

"To taking things slow." He echoed.

They clinked their glasses together and took sips of the bubbly liquid. Felicity leaned back against the couch and into Oliver, his arm coming up around her shoulders. The way she fit perfectly under his arm didn't escape his notice. They finished watching the movie and when it was time for them to leave, Oliver scooped Thea up into his arms. She stirred a little but didn't wake. Felicity walked them to her front door, pressing a kiss to Thea's hair.

Saying goodbye to Oliver with the conversation they had just had still fresh in her mind was a little strange, but nice. Oliver pressed his lips to her cheeks, causing the butterflies in her stomach to go absolutely bat-shit crazy.

She watched his back retreat and waved as he turned around to look at her one last time before getting into the elevator. Little did they know, their promise to salvage their friendship first before pursuing a romantic relationship would last for seven days, two hours, 23 minutes and 5 seconds.

* * *

 

Outfits: [Felicity's run](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141567008&.locale=nl), [Felicity at the office and lunch](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141567226&.locale=nl), [Sara and Anne](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141567340&.locale=nl), [Thea, Felicity and Oliver](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141567456&.locale=nl), [Felicity's apartment](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141567747&.locale=nl).


	14. Latch

****   


_You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down (never)_   
_You, you enchant me even when you're not around (never)_   
_If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down (never)_   
_I'm latching on, babe, now I know what I have found (never)_

_I feel we're close enough_   
_I wanna lock in your love_   
_I think we're close enough_   
_Could I lock in your love, baby?_

_Now I've got you in my space_   
_I won't let go of you (never)_   
_Got you shackled in my embrace_   
_I'm latching on to you (never)_

_Now I've got you in my space_   
_I won't let go of you (never)_   
_Got you shackled in my embrace_   
_I'm latching on to you (never)_

_I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch (never)_   
_Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch (never)_   
_How do you do it, you got me losing every breath (never)_   
_What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest (never)?_

_I feel we're close enough_   
_I wanna lock in your love_   
_I think we're close enough_   
_Could I lock in your love, baby?_   
_I feel we're close enough_   
_I wanna lock in your love_   
_I think we're close enough_   
_Could I lock in your love, baby?_

_Now I've got you in my space_   
_I won't let go of you (never)_   
_Got you shackled in my embrace_   
_I'm latching on to you (never)_

* * *

He slammed the front door of Felicity's apartment shut behind them, not caring about what the neighbors would think, at all. Felicity giggled when he grabbed her by the waist, pressing her against the door. Her arms snaked upward and around his neck, fingers weaving through the short strands of hair at the back of his head. He stepped closer to her, pressing his front to hers, enjoying the friction it caused. They stood like that for a moment, both catching their breaths. Oliver's hands moved up her front, undoing the buttons of her coat and pulling it off of her, making Felicity sigh and reach up, slanting her mouth over his. She sighed into him, allowing his tongue entrance into her mouth. Felicity wound her leg around his as he nipped at her bottom lip, teasing his calf with the heel of her shoe. A growl escaped from his throat, making a delicious shiver run down Felicity's spine. Oliver's hands started moving downwards, over the curve of her ass and down the back of her thighs, hoisting her up, carrying her into the bedroom. For just a split-second, his mind wondered how the hell he had ended up here.

* * *

The cab came to a stop, pulling up in front of Felicity's apartment building. Oliver asked the driver to wait for him and opened the door on his side, stepping out into the light drizzle. He extended his hand inside, helping Felicity out and ushering her under the red awning over the front door of the building to shield her from the rain. They smiled at each other for a second before Oliver put a hand on her upper arm.

"Thank you, Oliver. The party was amazing." She said softly, blushing a little when her gaze met his. He smiled at her, trailing his hand down her arm and squeezing her hand.

"You deserved it. Besides, you only turn eighteen once, right?"

She chuckled and stepped closer to hug him. One of his hands ended up in her hair, the other wrapped firmly around her shoulders. They swayed a little, maybe taking a second or two too long to pull back. Not that they cared. Oliver kissed the top of her head and took a small step away.

"Goodnight, Felicity. And happy birthday." He said, smiling as he reached out to touch her cheek.

She smiled but as she watched his back retreat, her face suddenly fell.

"Oliver, wait!" She called out.

He stopped and turned on his heels, stepping back under the awning, hands shoved into the pockets of his dress-pants.

"What is it?" He asked, brows knitting together as he stepped closer.

Thing was, she didn't know. She didn't know what had made her call out to him but she knew she didn't want him to leave.

"I..uh…I just.. uhm" She cleared her throat, nervously tugging at the sleeve of her coat.

Oliver frowned in confusion, taking another step closer. Felicity swallowed, looking into his eyes, making all the doubt her subconscious held onto dissipate into thin air. She threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Oh screw it." She said, closing the distance between them in one, two, three long strides.

She stepped onto the tips of her toes, reached out to take hold of his face and kissed him with all that she had. It took Oliver a second to register what was going on, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer as his lips started moving against hers, his tongue teasing at the seam of her lips. She sighed into him, parting her lips and allowing him didn't know how long they stood there, making out like the hormonal teenagers they practically still were, or well, at least Felicity was. Oliver was nearing his twenty first birthday. The cab driver honked, pulling them apart in surprise.

Oliver looked over his shoulder for a second, smiling at her as he turned back.

"I should go." He said throatily.

She shook her head, grabbing his collar a bit tighter, looking down before meeting his gaze.

"Don't. Stay." She whispered.

He took her in for a moment, his brain running away with the implications of her words. He wasn't sure if she would want to go that far, but on the other hand, whatever it was, he would get to stay by her side, where he wanted to be most. So, he nodded, a bright smile tugging at his lips. Leaning in, he kissed her softly and swiftly, a chaste kiss before he pulled his hands from around her waist and hurrying towards the cab. He leaned inside, handing the driver his credit card, explaining that he would be staying.

The driver chuckled in understanding. "Good luck. She seems nice. Don't ruin it, kid."

Oliver shook his head, smiling as the driver handed him the black piece of plastic.

"I'll do my very best, sir."

And then he was out of the car, hurrying back to where Felicity stood waiting for him. He pulled her into his arms, twirling her around, pressing his lips to hers. She laughed as he put her back on her feet, taking his hand and pulling him inside. Laughing together, they made their way across the lobby, waving at Terrance the doorman, barely able to keep their off of each other on the elevator ride up to Felicity's floor. When her front door shut behind them, Oliver felt a weird sense of relief welling up inside him as he latched his lips onto hers again.

* * *

Felicity's back hit the softness of the large bed occupying her bedroom. He hovered over her, making her squirm under his touch. He kissed her, slowly, languidly, exploring her mouth. Felicity locked her hands behind his neck, keeping him right where he was before slipping her fingers underneath the suit jacket. Oliver let go of her for less than five seconds to get rid of the damned item of clothing. He growled as Felicity suckled at his bottom lip. He managed to maneuver his lips to the pale column of her throat, making her gasp and mewl as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulling him closer, causing a delicious friction. Her fingers were tugging at his dress-shirt, pulling it from his pants. He groaned as she ran her hands over his bare back, moving his lips back to hers for a searing kiss.

She pulled at his tie, chuckling softly as his tongue teased at the seam of her lips. His hands dipped underneath the hem of her dress, moving it up ever so slowly. He reached the lacy edge of her panties and growled against her lips. Her hips bucked upwards, desperately looking for the friction she wanted. She started pulling at the buttons of Oliver's shirt, eventually giving up on trying to keep the shirt intact and just ripping it open, buttons flying everywhere.

Oliver pulled his mouth from hers and stared at her in surprise, a smile tugging at his lips.

"That was so hot." He chuckled, discarding the now ruined shirt and burying his hands in her hair, slanting his mouth back over hers. She moaned, running her hands over his chest, along his sides and down his back, dipping her fingers underneath the material of his pants.

He chuckled, staring at her with a sly grin before latching his lips onto her throat, ever so slowly moving towards her collarbone, and down her cleavage. She gasped as he pulled at the straps of her dress, taking the straps of her bra with down with it and started placing hot, open-mouthed kisses on her now bare shoulders.

She started pushing him upward, gently nudging him to sit down and climbing onto his lap, rolling her hips like it was nobody's business. Oliver sighed against the skin of her throat, his lips tracing down towards her collarbone. She leaned into him, fingers exploring the broad expense of his chest, reveling in the feel of his muscles moving underneath her fingers, his hot skin setting her own on fire.

A hand traveled into her hair, gently pulling her head to the side so he could ravage her neck with his lips. His other one wrapped around her back, finding the small zipper of her dress and pulling it down. And then suddenly, she was off his lap, standing before him, devilishly hot smirk on her lips, hair tossed to one side, exposing her shoulder and neck on the other. Her legs spread, accentuating her lean legs as she moved her weight from one to the other like she was swaying music he couldn't hear. She reached behind her as he stared at her. He didn't know what his face looked like just then, but he couldn't care less because Felicity was shrugging out of her dress, letting the dark red material pool around her feet. She looked glorious. Black lace lingerie contrasting against her pale skin. She reached behind her head, unclasping her necklace, dropping it atop the nightstand, her stiletto heels kicking the dress out of her way, bringing her closer to him. He could almost touch her.

She came to stand before him, nudging his feet apart so she could move between his knees. Oliver's hands moved to her hips, his thumbs making slow circles. She smirked, her hair falling around her face as she looked down. He smiled up at her before leaning in and pressing a kiss just to the side of her belly button. A hand came up behind his head, weaving fingers through his hair. His lips moved around her stomach, nipping, biting, teasing with his tongue while his hands traced down the length of her legs. She hummed in appreciation. They were both still trying to catch their breaths. Felicity's hands moved to Oliver's shoulders, gently nudging him backward so she could lower herself into his lap. He touched her cheek, pulling her in for a slow, languid kiss. Felicity sighed into him, draping her arms around his shoulders, pulling his chest to hers, the feel of his burning skin eliciting noises of excitement from her.

For a moment, all the sudden want and need and desperation seemed to have faded away, making place for the new slow, sensual pace they were setting. Things weren't as rushed at they had been when this all had started.

"Are you sure?" Oliver asked, wrapping his arms around Felicity's back, looking up at her in amazement. She was so beautiful. Her hair was a bit of a mess, but her curls were mostly still intact, falling around her shoulders like she was a mermaid or some magical being. Oliver didn't know how else to describe it. She smiled at him, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, eyes wide and sparkling, pupils blown wide.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Are you?"

He nodded and smiled before capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "Yeah. I'm sure."

She chuckled against his lips, kissing him with all the fire she had in her and the love she felt. His hands moved around her back to the clasp of her bra, struggling with the clasp a little before it finally popped open. Felicity giggled in anticipation as her gaze met Oliver's. He smirked at her, pupils blown wide, his desire as clear as day. Her hands fell to his sides as he trailed the straps of her bra down her arms, letting the cups fall between them. Oliver smiled at her before averting his gaze to her chest, fingers fluttering along the underside of her breasts, thumbs flicking across her nipples. She mewled in appreciation, leaning into his touch, desperate for more.

She rolled her hips against his when he leaned in and latched his lips onto her right breast, tongue darting out across her nipple, teeth nipping lightly at the sensitive flesh. Because of the friction she'd created, he groaned against her skin before moving to give her left breast the same treatment. Her fingernails scraping at the back of his head didn't help to restrain the ferocity that was boiling up from somewhere deep down, probably located between his legs.

He lifted her up, arms banding about her waist, her legs wrapping around his hips, hands reaching for purchase at his shoulders. He flipped them over, letting her back rest against the pillows. He leaned over her, putting his weight on his elbow, careful not to crush her with his weight. He could feel her heartbeat pounding against his own chest.

She laughed and smiled up at him. All he could think about was how she looked like a damn angel right then. With her hair fanned out across the pillow, blue orbs brighter than he'd ever seen them. He reached out, gently pushing some stray strands of hair out of her face. Their eyes met, and they just stared at each other for a moment, taking each other in, smiles on their faces, pupils dilated. Oliver leaned down, capturing her lips with his own for a slow, sweet kiss. She hummed appreciatively, hands trailing down his sides, fingers hooking into the waistband of his pants.

"This needs to come off." She whispered in between kisses.

Oliver chuckled and lifted himself off of her enough so she could reach the buckle of his belt. She undid it with swift precision, yanking it out of the loops and tossing the offensive thing to the side. She could feel him smile against her skin as he moved his lips down her body. She squirmed as he found particularly sensitive spots. He reached the edge of her panties and moved down her leg, wrapping his fingers around her ankle, lifting it up a little to pull the stiletto heel from her foot. He kissed the inside of the instep of her foot before doing the same with the other shoe. He then pulled away quickly, stepping off the bed.

Felicity came to sit up, confusion written all over her face. He smirked at her, kicking off his shoes and socks as quickly as he could. His hands stopped as he got to the button of his pants. Her eyes narrowed and she bit her bottom lip.

"Take. It. Off." She growled, a devilish grin spreading across her face.

Oliver lifted his eyebrows. "As you wish."

And then his pants were lying on the floor, scattered amongst other various items of clothing. He stepped closer, bending down to kiss her. Her hands trailed along his arms, up and around his shoulders, pulling him closer as she got on her knees, the bed giving her enough leverage to be on eye-level with him. His hands moved down her sides, making a delicious shiver run down her spine. Her chest now pressed to his, hot, burning skin melting together. He leaned her back, moving with her back onto the bed. She moved her legs, spreading them a little to accommodate him. She could feel he was just as excited as she was, the delicious pressure she felt between her legs as he rolled his hips against her undeniable.

Pulling his lips from away from her, he bumped his nose against hers.

"Do you have protection?" He asked softly.

She smiled a little, keeping her eyes shut as she nodded. He kissed her cheek, and her cheekbone, and under her ear and her jaw.

"Yeah, but I'm also on the pill." She sighed.

She could feel him smiling against her skin. "Better safe than sorry." He whispered, his voice husky like she'd never heard it before. Her eyes popped open, meeting his immediately. She was sure her heart skipped a beat.

"Bottom drawer on the left." She gasped, jerking her head in the direction of her nightstand.

Oliver moved his weight off of her, reaching down to retrieve the condom. He returned with the square silver packaging in his hand, waving it around with a grin on his face.

"You are ridiculous." She scoffed.

He rolled his eyes and she took the opportunity to do something she had wanted to do for a long time. She took control. She flipped them over, catching Oliver by surprise as his back hit the pillows and took the silver wrapper from his hands, sticking it between her teeth, hands roaming over his torso, crawling down until she reached the only piece of fabric left to cover his modesty. She took the wrapper from between her teeth, snipping off an edge, and pressed a kiss to his lower stomach. She glance up at him, smiling devilishly as she saw how much he was struggling to control his most basic of urges.

She decided to take pity on him and hooked her fingers under the waistband of his boxers, practically yanking it down, exposing him in all his glory. She took the rubber out of the packaging and placed it on his tip, slowly, gently rolling it down his shaft. His hands clenched around the sheets and he was biting his lip. She licked hers, nails biting into his thighs, begging him for a reaction.

Suddenly, he sat up, pulling her into his lap one second, tossing her across the bed in another. His hands moving over her body, more intense and more greedy than before. A fire was burning behind his eyes. She could feel it when he almost ripped her panties in an effort to take them off of her. He slowed down once she was lying before him, gloriously naked. His hands on her hips, kissing his way down her stomach, over her hipbone and to her apex. Hands moving around her thighs, running down the insides, teasing her already hot center with his index-finger. She squirmed underneath his touch, begging for mercy.

"Oliver, please." She pleaded.

Luckily for her, Oliver couldn't really restrain himself to continue teasing her as he had been doing. Instead, he lunged forward, kissing her with all that he had, a hand hoisting up her leg. She helped him position at her entrance, a hollow cry escaping her lips as he sank down into her. This was something new. Never before had either of them experience 'it' like this. Oliver had to take a moment when he was buried deep inside of her, the tightness of her core doing things to his self-control. He looked at Felicity. She was panting, lips ticking upwards into a smile. He leaned down to kiss her, rolling his hips at the same time, making her squeak into his mouth. Slowly but surely, he started setting a pace. Slow at first, building up the friction until Felicity shoved at his chest, making him sit back as she situated herself in his lap.

Rolling her hips around, Oliver groaned, reaching for a breast and flicking his tongue across her nipple. She whimpered, licking her lips. Oliver reached up to pull her in for a kiss before he fell back against the pillows, groaning as Felicity straddling him, fingernails digging into his abs. She threw her head back a few times, making her a sight for sore eyes. Her movements started faltering, and the way her walls started tightening around him he knew she was close to her climax. He took her hand and pulled her against him, flipping them over once again before she could protest. He held her hand above her head as he moved in long, slow thrusts, the new angle making her cry out in pleasure.

Her climax hit her hard, his own following not long after as her walls tightened around him. A loud, throaty moan escaped from her lips, eyes squeezed shut. Oliver watched her as she pushed him over the edge as well, toppling down on top of her, grunting loudly. He was already loving the fact that she was so vocal. He moved to lie down next to her, not wanting to crush her with his dead weight. She opened her eyes slowly, still trying to catch her breath.

"Wow." She sighed.

"My words exactly." He smiled and tugged at her chin, pulling her closer so he could kiss her already swollen lips. Their hearts were racing, he could feel hers pounding against her chest as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him. They stayed like that for a while, kissing slowly, trailing fingers over hot skin, still joined together.

Oliver decided it was time to get some rest when Felicity yawned. With a final peck on her lips, he pulled out of her, trailing his fingers down her cheek, giving her a bright smile. He made it to the bathroom on shaky legs, discarding the condom in the little trashcan and taking a small cloth, soaking it in warm water. He walked back into the bedroom, scooping his boxers up off the ground and quickly put them on.

He nudged Felicity's legs apart when he returned to the bed, pressing the warm cloth against her core, cleaning off the stickiness. Felicity sighed and put a hand over his that was placed on her hip.

"Thank you." She whispered.

He smiled a little and bended down to kiss her. Quickly, he returned the cloth to the bathroom and joined her back in bed a minute later. He pulled the covers out from under her and scooted in next to her, pulling the comforter over both of them. She settled against him with her head on his shoulder, his arm banded about her waist and one of her legs curled around his. Kissing the top of her head a whispered a goodnight into her hair, getting a low hum as a response.

"Happy birthday indeed." She muttered before snorting and bursting out in laughter. He chuckled and squeezed her against him. He smiled to himself as they quieted down again, tiredness really setting in and soon after, both were fast asleep. With Felicity safely tucked against his side, this made for one of the best nights he had ever had.

* * *

The following morning was met with soreness and dry mouths. One was not caused by the alcohol they had consumed the previous night. Oliver was the first to wake, squinting against the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows, smiling as he found his arm still wrapped around Felicity's shoulders. She sunlight made her hair look like actual gold, the strands catching the light as she moved in her sleep. He watched her for a while, not aware of time fleeting. It could have been five minutes, could have been an hour just like that. With his index-finger, he trailed some blonde hair out of her eyes. She hummed in a low tone, almost a growl. Her fingers flexed against his sides as she hid her face in his chest.

"Morning." He whispered, kissing the top of her head, then moving to her forehead, down her temples, across her cheekbones, to the tip of her nose and finally her lips. She responded eagerly, tongue darting out to trace the seam of his lips.

She hummed/growled again, this time a little louder. "So. Sore. Eyes. Burning."

Oliver frowned in confusion, sitting up a little to better look at her. Her eyes popped open, and he could see they were a little red, the veins more obvious than usual. She met his gaze and pouted.

'I forgot to take my contacts out."

She moved to sit up, pulling the sheet around her torso. The looked over her shoulder at him, smiling softly.

"I'll be right back." She whispered before leaning down again and pressing a kiss to his lips. She hopped off the bed, pulling the sheet with her. Unfortunately for her, it got stuck on something. She faltered, the white fabric slipping through her fingers. Oliver would never admit that there might be a chance that he had something to do with it. Her face turned a whole new shade of red. She turned her head to look at him, eyes wide. He lifted an eyebrow and smiled.

"Just my luck!" She exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and stalking towards the bathroom. Just before she entered, Oliver called her name.

"Felicity!"

She turned around, coming to the conclusion that there was no point in hiding. He had already seen everything anyways.

"Yeah?" She quirked up an eyebrow.

Oliver smiled. "You are beautiful."

Felicity blushed and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the door a chink open.

"I still have some of your old sweats, if you want. They're in the bottom drawer on the left inside my closet." She called out.

"I figured they would come in handy someday."

"Thanks." He said, the fact that she had thought about him staying over not escaping his notice as he got up off the bed and walked towards her closet. He glanced into the bathroom, catching a glimpse of her, standing in front of the mirror. He smiled to himself, stepping inside the walk-in closet, finding the drawer with ease, taking the first pair of sweats that he thought he would still fit into. It turned out a little too tight in some places.

"Hey, I can make some coffee if you want? And maybe some breakfast?"

"Ohhh, that sounds perfect! I'll be out in a minute."

Oliver shuffled towards her kitchen, starting up the coffee-maker and rummaging through her fridge to find the ingredients for eggs and bacon. He moved around the kitchen with ease, already weirdly familiar with the place. He knew where everything went even though Felicity hadn't been living there for more than a week. Pressing some buttons, the coffee-maker roared to life, grinding up fresh beans, spreading the smell around the apartment. Meanwhile, Oliver cracked two eggs and dropped their contents into the frying pan, letting them bake for a second. He took two plates, placing a slice of bread on each of them. When the eggs were nearly done, he put some salt and pepper on them and added some bacon strips.

"Hhmmm…It smells wonderful." Felicity came to stand next to him, wrapping an arm around his bare back, bumping her hip against his.

"I didn't know you could cook."

Oliver scoffed and turned his head to look at her. She'd put on a grey sweater that might have belonged to him at some point because it was a bit big on her, letting the sky-blue panties peek out just a tiny bit underneath. She'd obviously brushed her hair. It fell in smooth curls around her shoulders instead of the tangled mess it had been when she'd left the bed. But what he noticed first was that she was wearing her glasses. She hadn't worn her glasses in ages, and he'd kind of missed them. He wanted to kiss her so badly but he was still supposed to be offended.

"I know I'm bad at a lot of stuff, but I know how to bake a decent egg with bacon."

She chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against his side. With his free hand, he grabbed the spatula and scooped the finished eggs onto the plates. Then he turned off the gas and put the spatula beside the stove, bending down in one swift moment and pressing his lips against hers. She squeaked in surprise but quickly responded, putting a hand against his cheek, fingernails scratching lightly through his scruff.

"Your decently cooked breakfast is getting cold." Felicity said after a while, a little breathless.

Oliver chuckled and stepped away, retrieving their coffee as Felicity took the plates and set them down on the little bar she had. They sat down, idly chatting as they ate their eggs and drank their coffee.

"You know we have to talk about what happened last night, right?" Oliver said, sticking his fork in a piece of bread with egg. Felicity nodded as she swallowed a sip of coffee.

"Yeah."

"I don't want to either." Oliver confessed.

Felicity looked up in surprise. Oliver knew her too well, that was clear as day, but that didn't mean all would be well without talking. Felicity opened her mouth, thinking for a second before speaking.

"Part of me wants to just not talk, and just take the leap and see where this would go, but.."

"But that's our problem. Not talking. If we would have talked about our feelings and what we wanted we would have been together a long time ago." He finished.

Felicity nodded. "Yeah. Probably."

She reached for his hand across the wooden surface of the bar and squeezed it lightly. They were silent for a moment, taking each other in.

"I knew I loved you when I carried you back to the beach-house because you were too drunk to stand on your own feet." Oliver laughed breathily, staring at the dark liquid in his mug.

Felicity breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. "Oliver…" She whispered

"It's stupid, I know." He said, shaking his head.

"No." She replied immediately. "No, it's not. I knew I was in love with you when you gave me your jacket on New Year's Eve, even though it was freezing outside and I was too stubborn to grab a coat. We spent the entire night out there on the back-porch and you must have been so cold…And I…"

She got cut off by Oliver's lips pressed against hers. It was a short and sweet kiss. His hands were cupping her cheeks, thumbs stroking across her cheekbones. He leaned his forehead against hers, not fully pulling away yet.

"Felicity. I love you and I wanna be with you, is that okay? Because I wanna do so many things with you right now but having an angsty conversation is not one of them."

Felicity chuckled and kissed him again. "I wanna be with you too, so yeah, that's okay."

Oliver arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her off the bar-stool. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders.

"I love you." He whispered before locking his lips back onto hers and carrying her back into the bedroom.

* * *

 

Outfits: [Felicity and Oliver's 'outfits'](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141962726&.locale=nl), [the morning after](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=141962786&.locale=nl)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, before you guys all freak out because of the new name and the 14/15 thing. DON'T FREAK OUT. I have decided, after some consideration, that I'm going to separate this story into four parts. When the fifteenth chapter is up, this part is done. I WILL CONTINUE, don't worry, but it will be in a different part.   
> I'm doing this because I hate having long ass fics with like 50 chapters. I just.. I don't really know why, but since There's going to be some big time jumps and gaps I thought it made sense. SO, don't freak out, take a deep breath, the first chapter will be posted soon after Chapter 15.   
> Thank you for reading!


	15. When A Heart Breaks

_I woke up this morning_   
_And I heard the news_   
_I know the pain of a heartbreak_   
_I don't have answers_   
_And neither do you_   
_I know the pain of a heartbreak_

_This isn't easy_   
_This isn't clear_   
_And you don't need Jesus_   
_Til you're here_   
_Then confusion and the doubts you had_   
_Up and walk away_   
_They walk away_   
_When a heart breaks_

* * *

 

They were walking down the dock to where the Queen's Gambit was moored. Sara was going on and on about how excited she was to experience the culture and see all the landmarks. Laurel smiled at her sister with fondness, pulling one of Sara's bag over her shoulder and linking her free arm with Sara's. Felicity took a sip of her coffee and glanced at Oliver. He lifted his eyebrows and smiled, pulling her against his side. Felicity ran her fingers over the woodwork of the yacht. She really, really loved that boat. She loved the trips they used to take with her. Loved the swaying of the ship when she fell asleep in her cabin. Oliver smiled at her, tucking her under his arm.

The past three weeks they had been blissfully happy, playing house in Felicity's apartment. Oliver had dropped out of College, again. And was glad to have a place to stay that was nowhere near his disappointed parents. Sure, he could have stayed at her place even if they hadn't gotten together, but sleeping in the same bed with her in his arms was so much more fun. Felicity had gone to work with her father the Monday after her birthday. She detested it. At least at first. But, the more time she spent at the company, the more she started liking it. She seemed to take particular liking in working at the IT-department. She had a knack for it.

What her father had said about her being smarter than ninety percent of the people working for him proved to be true when she saved the mainframe from a nasty virus. She started liking it more and more and was taught some of the basics of coding, which she picked up on remarkably quick, of course, by the head of the IT-department.

Oliver had taken on the duties of making sure they had groceries and cooking dinner. He would have loved to be able to do the laundry too, but after shrinking one of Felicity's favorite sweaters he wasn't allowed within five feet of the machine.

Robert, Moira and Thea were waiting for them at the end of the dock, occasionally throwing the two a look. They hadn't exactly told anybody that they were in a relationship. They argued that it was fairly new and not that much had changed except the kissing and the sleeping together part.

The captain emerged from the bridge and walked on deck to where they would be coming aboard.

"Is everyone ready to go? We'll have to leave before the tide shifts and the water will be too shallow." He said, putting his hands on the railing.

"Alright. Time to say goodbye." Robert said, pulling Moira against his side and kissing her cheek.

The captain hopped off board to help Sara with her luggage. Laurel took the bag of her shoulder and handed it to him, smiling thankfully. Her phone rang and she walked a few feet away to answer. Sara turned to Oliver and Felicity, smiling brightly and stepping forward.

"I'm gonna miss you Lis. See you in a month" Sara said, pulling her into a hug.

Felicity smiled at Oliver over Sara's shoulder. He winked at her as he walked over to his parents. Robert pulled Moira in for a quick hug before Thea jumped into his arms. He banded his free arm around her back, holding the dangly twelve-year old as tightly as he could while hanging onto his wife. Oliver walked over to them, putting a hand on his mother's shoulder. Moira let go of Robert to hug her son, emotion written all over her face. She touched his cheek, smiling proudly at him. Felicity smiled as she watched the exchange. She hadn't seen them all together like that in a long time.

Felicity rubbed slow circles over Sara's back, burying her face in her hair. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?"

"I never do."

"Really Sara?" Felicity chuckled, pulling away to look at her, eyebrows raised.

Sara smiled. "I'll be careful, don't worry too much."

"You know me, I always worry."

"Hey. I got your boyfriend to look out for me." Sara smirked

Felicity's eyes widened. "He's not...We're not..."

"Oh please, stop trying to deny it. Really, it's about damn time with you two."

Felicity blushed and smiled at her best friend. She looked over Sara's shoulder, where Oliver was hugging Thea goodbye. As if he knew she was looking at him, he turned his head and met her gaze. She smiled and blushed a little more before turning away. Sara followed her gaze and rolled her eyes, a smirk creeping back up on her lips.

"Okay now you're not even trying to hide it anymore."

Felicity pouted and glared at Sara. "Don't you have a sister to say goodbye to?"

"You wanna get rid of me already?" Sara chuckled as she squeezed Felicity's hand and turned to face Laurel who was walking over to them.

"That was mom and dad." She said, waving her phone before putting it back in her pocket as she came to stand next to Felicity and Sara.

"They thought you probably forgot something. I told them that you would be fine and that they need to stop worrying."

Sara chuckled. "They mean well. Thanks sis."

She looked at Felicity. "Go say goodbye to them. Now."

Felicity's gaze moved from Sara to Laurel and back and she smiled. Squeezing Sara's hand, she let a huff of air escape her lips and she started making her way towards the Queens.

"Felicity! Sweetheart!" Robert called out, putting Thea back on her feet as he saw her coming their way. He stepped forward to meet her halfway for a hug.

"Have a great trip. And please don't make too many Chinese businessmen cry." She said as she patted his back.

Robert bellowed in laughter, squeezing her little tighter before slowly letting go and smiling down at her.

"You know I can't promise that." Robert said, winking at her.

"But I'm glad to hear your cracking jokes again. That's the Felicity we know and love. It has been a while since we've had her around."

Felicity chuckled as Robert kissed her forehead.

"Keep an eye out for him, will you?" She said, turning to look at Oliver. Thea was attached to his hip, showing no sign of letting go anytime soon. He smiled and nodded.

"Always."

"I think it's time for us to go." Robert said, taking Moira's hand, gently prying Thea loose from around Oliver.

"Bye Ollie." Thea looked up at him and he bent down to press a kiss on her cheek.

"Bye Speedy, see you soon, okay?" Oliver smiled at his little sister.

Thea nodded and took her mom's hand.

"We'll give you two some privacy."Moira said, smiling softly. They started walking towards the Gambit and said goodbye to Robert one last time before he got on board.

Oliver stepped closer to Felicity while watching his family, reaching down for her hands, lacing their fingers together.

"Do you think they know?" Felicity asked quietly, looking down at their hands, tracing circles over his knuckles with her thumb.

Oliver shrugged. "I don't know."

Earlier that day, while wrapped around each other between Felicity's bed sheets, they had agreed not to tell people they were together until Oliver got back. That way, they would have some time to think about what they were to each other and how they were going to define the relationship.

"Sara figured it out already."

Oliver let a huff of air escape from his lips. "Of course she did."

Felicity playfully hit him in the chest before wrapping her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. His arms wound around her shoulders and he lowered his head almost onto her shoulder.

"I wish you could come with me." Oliver murmured into her hair, wrapping his arm around her back just a little bit tighter. Felicity sighed softly.

"You know I can't. I have to go to work." She rolled her eyes at the last word.

Oliver groaned and kissed her temple.

"Hey. It'll be just four weeks. I'll be right here waiting." She whispered.

"Your dad's really happy that you're coming with him. Don't ruin this for him, Oliver."

Oliver smiled at her and traced his index finger from her temple to her jaw in an affectionate manner.

"What would I do without you."

"You won't have to find out." She said, smiling brightly, leaning in closer to kiss him only to pull back again quickly.

"We probably shouldn't be kissing if we wanna keep this undercover."

Oliver nodded and then shook his head. "Ah, screw it."

He pressed his lips against hers, making her hum in approval. She was quick to recover from the sudden attack of his lips. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, locking her fingers at the nape of his neck. Her lips moved against his in a perfect rhythm. They had gotten to know each other very well over the last few weeks. What they liked, what made them squeal and moan and groan. What nibbling on a lip did and all the sensitive spots. Felicity traced a finger along his jaw when they parted, foreheads pressed together, breaths mingling.

Felicity smiled softly and pulled away, only her hands left lingering in the crooks of his elbows.

"You should go. They're waiting."

Oliver smiled softly before pressing one last kiss to her lips. "I love you. See you soon."

"I love you too. Now go!"

She shoved him playfully in the direction of the Gambit. He looked at her over his shoulder when he hopped on board. Felicity made her way to where Laurel, Thea and Moira where standing. She caught the smirks on Laurel's face first, and then when her eyes travelled to Moira, a similar expression was what she found.

"What?!" She asked, looking between the two women. Thea giggled, obviously in on it.

Laurel shrugged and smiled at her. "Nothing. We are just really happy that two of the world's biggest idiots are finally the world's most idiotic couple."

Felicity blushed, trying to hide her face in her hands. Moira smiled warmly at her and stepped closer, pressing a kiss to her hair as the gambit was taking off.

"It was only a matter of time, dear." She said as they waved Oliver, Robert and Sara goodbye. Felicity smiled when she caught Oliver's eyes one last time, a big smile on his face too, before he they were too far to see clearly. Felicity was already wishing he would come back to her already.

* * *

 

It was an unusually dreary day in Starling. Felicity had woken up early, groaning loudly when she opened her eyes and saw the rain pouring against her windowpane. She checked her phone. Still no messages from Oliver. She shrugged it off. He probably just didn't have reception in the middle of the North China Sea. She got out of bed and turned on some music to lift her spirits a little. Making her way towards her kitchen, she grabbed the remote for the tv and turned on the news, muting it in the background. Humming along to the song that was playing she fixed herself a bagel with strawberries on top and started up the coffee maker.

She twirled, the light blue fabric of her camisole flying around her, pink fluffy slippers sliding across the floor. Swaying her hips to the music, she took a bite of her bagel and filled her cup with coffee. She moaned in delight as the sweet taste of the strawberries hit her taste buds when she took a bit of her bagel. Felicity took a sip of her way too hot coffee, when the incessant knocking started. She burned her tongue in the process, quickly filling a glass of water to cool it.

"I'm coming! Just a sec!" She yelled in the direction of her front door, quickly taking a few sips of the cool liquid.

With her coffee in hand, she hurried towards the front door. The fervent knocking hadn't stopped.

"Alright, Alright. I'm here." She said, flicking off the chain and unlocking the door in swift movements with one hand. The door swung open, her brows knitting together as she saw the person who was standing on the other side of the door.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Good morning to you too. I take it you haven't heard the news yet." Malcolm walked past her, shrugging of his drenched coat, little droplets of rain falling onto the floor. Felicity closed the door behind him and followed him into her living-room.

"Dad? What news? What's going on?" She stood in front of him, hand on her hip as she took a careful sip of her luckily cooled down coffee.

Malcolm sighed and stepped towards her, placing his hands on her upper arms. His hands were cold, making Goosebumps pop up all over her arms and a shiver run through her.

"Sit down, sweetheart. Take a deep breath and stay calm." He started directing her towards the couch, sitting her down.

"Dad, what is happening?!" She was starting to panic. He could tell her to stay calm all he wanted but that only made her more agitated. She started rubbing her thumb and index finger together, a nervous habit she had picked up from god knows who.

"Felicity, something has happened, and you are not going to like it, but I wanted to check up on you before the Queens release their statement."

"Dad! About what?! Tell me!" Felicity was really getting freaked out. Her heart was racing and she was breathing heavier. Her gaze fell on the TV and it felt like all the air got sucked from her lungs, leaving her gasping, a yelping whimper escaping from her throat. The mug in her hand cracked under the pressure of her fingers, shattering into a million pieces, spilling the black liquid it was holding all over the creamy carpet. The coffee was burning her skin but she couldn't feel it, and neither did she feel the shards of the mug digging into her skin, drawing blood.

"Oh no." Malcolm muttered as he turned to face the TV. On auto-pilot, Felicity managed to take the remote in her hand, trembling fingers turning up the volume.

"…A significant news-day here in Starling. The Queen's Gambit sent a mayday transmission late last night and has not been heard from since. Among those missing are locals Robert and Oliver Queen and Sara Lance. A search party has been dispatched towards the last known location of the Gambit. We'll keep you updated on this story when there is more information about what happened throughout the day. I'm Bethany Snow and this is Channel 5 News, have a good day."

"No, no, no. This isn't real. Dad please tell me this isn't happening." She was shaking, her lips trembling. She looked up at him with those big sad eyes and Malcolm's face fell. He kneeled down in front of her,reaching for her fidgeting hands. He shook his head.

"I'm sorry sweetheart."

A violent sob ripped from her chest, the tears finally spilling from her eyes. She hid her face against his shoulder as she fell to pieces. Malcolm held her as she cried.

"But, there's still hope, right?! There's a search party. They are going to find him. They are going to find them."

Malcolm sighed. "Oh Felicity.."

She shook with each sob tearing from her chest. "No. Dad, please tell me they are going to be fine. Please dad."

"I'm sorry honey. But I can't. I'm not going to give you false hope."

Felicity looked up at him, cheeks stained with tears, an expression of complete agony and desperation on her face.

"It's not good, sweetheart. The chances they are going to find them, dead or alive, are very, very slim."

Felicity's world fell apart in her living room. on a Thursday morning. While the rain was pouring down on Starling city. It was a sign if you asked her.

* * *

 

There was water everywhere. He couldn't remember how but he managed to come to the surface, gasping for air. The wind was howling, whipping around his head all the while rain was pouring down. He saw the faint lights of the Gambit go down, he must have drifted off with the current because he did not swim that far.

"Sara!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, whipping his arms around to keep his head above the surface. Then, hands were tugging at his shirt, hauling him out of the freezing water. Oliver recognized his dad as he got pulled into the safety raft. A sense of relief washed over him. But as quickly as that relief came in, it was gone again, replaced by the horror that Sara Lance was not in the raft with him, his father and the captain.

"Sara!" He called again, frantically looking around him out into de deep dark waters, trying to catch a glimpse of her.

"She's gone, Oliver. It's too late." Robert yelled over the whipping of the wind.

Oliver sank down into raft, hands covering his face. This could not be happening. He'd promised her they were going to be fine just a few minutes ago. They had been playing monopoly and Sara had started counting how many seconds there were between the lightning and the thunder. He told her to stop worrying and then the board game had slid off the table. But, had it been minutes? It felt more like an hour. He was breathing heavily, trying to wrap his mind around the situation. He wanted desperately to find her, but his father was right, it was too late.

For a second he wished it had been him, because it didn't feel right to sit on the life raft while she was drowning. But there wasn't anything he could do. They would never find her in time. But then, now that they got onto the life raft, that would not insure their lives. If they were lucky, they would be found by maybe some fishermen or something. Oh how he wished that would be true, because there was no other thing that he wanted then go home. And hold Felicity. Wrap his arms around her small frame, face buried into her hair, the smell of her fruity shampoo infiltrating his nose, her hands clutching at his sweater. He could picture it all, desperately holding onto the thought of her to stay sane.

* * *

 

Outfits: [Oliver and Felicity](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=142525640&.locale=nl), [Sara and Laurel](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=142957312&.locale=nl), [Robert, Thea and Moira](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=142957591&.locale=nl), [The news hits Starling City](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=142525797&.locale=nl)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of the first part. Again, do not worry, there's more to come. I hope I shattered whatever is left of your hearts after that midseason finale. Hang in there, things are gonna get better, and Tommy is coming :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading the first part, I hope I'll get to see you at the second part called *drumroll* Withdrawal Symptoms.
> 
> Love, Hannah


End file.
